Nobody wants to go out with me and I just don't know why

Denial that my looks aren't as great as I think they are? Trust me, I'm not. I just think that saying that is such a stupid and offensive answer to my question.

Regardless of how attractive I am, I think it is just plain rude to assume that someone who doesn't have a boyfriend, doesn't have one because their standards are too high for their level of attractiveness.

If you keep telling yourself that then you ain't gonna solve it. And being the sort that aren't there for that I know it isn't true anyway. Besides, you say you are at a good uni... Are you really? If so that should cut down on such students.

You do come across as a little arrogant though. I mean while you may be a "9+/10" for some people, noone is objectively that good looking. Moreover, if an attractive person says they are extremely attractive to the point where they may be flawless or a 10/10, that makes them unattractive. Confidence is fine, but stating that you're a 9 or above on the rating scale pretty much does cross the line into arrogance.

Plain rude? It's been the situation in a majority of threads exactly like this over the past decade.

I'm sorry you don't agree with the advice people are offering, if you're so certain of what is/isn't happening then why do you need to be asking a group of Internet strangers?

At the risk of sounding 'plain rude' again perhaps it is your personality putting them off? I can't judge your looks from this thread but I can take a fair crack at your attitude.

I know and I do apologise for this. I just needed to make my point that the reason I don't have a boyfriend isn't because of my looks, because the first few posts of this thread were people saying 'ugly', 'not good enough looking', 'lower your standards'. I'm really not arrogant, I just needed to post something that would get people to take note that it isn't my looks that's the issue.

I understand that, but I would have stopped at 'it isn't my looks', or "I would like to think I look half-decent". Without a pm of your pic I can't tell, but even if you show me and you really are victoria secret model levels of attractive, it's still better to be modest. In my opinion, arrogance is one of the worst traits a person can have.

Anyway, all I can say is putting yourself out there more, asking guys out and being patient is your best bet right now. No need to rush into things, you've said so yourself that you wouldn't want a relationship for the sake of it. It may sound cheesy but the right person will come along, and it doesn't have to be at uni. Just keep yourself busy, focus on work, hobbies and having an awesome time with friends. Then you won't even care you're not in a relationship and any guy that comes along will be a bonus, instead of a void-filler.

Yes, I probably should have done this - was just worried people were less likely to take notice of it.

Thank you for this. I think that is the best mindset to have. To just not worry about it until the right guy comes.

The main things I'd consider first and foremost would include:

• Where you are meeting men (other than bars/clubs)
• What age/backgrounds both yourself and these men are/are from
• How you are presenting yourself
• How you are behaving
• How you are responding to their (sexual) behaviour
• How picky you are being, and on what basis

I mean there are two things probably going on here:

(1) You are misreading some of the mens' intent (i.e. some are in fact not purely sexual but you are not realizing it).
(2) You are not as attractive as you think you are.

I mean you say you are a 9.5+/10 so I'm inclined to think (2) is the reason as that is almost certainly complete denial. 9.5/10 is absolutely drop dead gorgeous and incredibly rare, and any such girl would have no problem finding high quality males begging to be in a relationship with her (assuming her personality wasn't terrible, and even if it was I'm sure some would pretend they liked her just for the regular sex).

Problem is without pics, which you are (understandably) not wanting to give we can never form a consensus on the matter, and so the vast majority of guys in this thread will just continue to tell you are probably in denial and (2) is the probable reason for your lack of success. There is a definite minority of the population who are in complete denial about how good (or bad) looking they are.

Do your friends regularly tell you you are extremely attractive? Because if you were really that attractive you certainly would be getting regular comments!

Yeah, I would say I get pretty much daily compliments where friends and other people that I vaguely know say that I look really good. I really don't think I am in denial, although this thread certainly is enough to get me to doubt myself!
The thing is, is that at any one point in time, I would say I have like 8ish guys messaging me on a more than once daily basis trying to organise a time for us to have sex. I've had guys follow me to nightclubs that they know that I am going to on a particular night, even when their friends are not going / going elsewhere, just so they can try and get with me.

So I really don't think that I can be that unattractive with all these guys wanting to have sex with me. This is what's getting me down. I just don't understand why all these guys are so fixated on the sex and don't want to get to know me as a person.

Hmmm, perhaps it has to do with your style and the way you are representing yourself. In the absence of a picture of you, could you perhaps link some images of girls from the interwebz who have a similar style to you in terms of fashion sense and makeup application?

Hmmm, perhaps it has to do with your style and the way you are representing yourself. In the absence of a picture of you, could you perhaps link some images of girls from the interwebz who have a similar style to you in terms of fashion sense and makeup application?

• Where you are meeting men (other than bars/clubs)So clubs is a big one for me to be honest. Other places are from the sport that I do at uni, and just through mutual friends.• What age/backgrounds both yourself and these men are/are fromBecause I am still at uni at 23, most of the guys tend to be a couple of years younger than me. So like 20/21. White middle class background mainly.• How you are presenting yourselfWell I would say I'm presenting myself well! I always try and look my best. At clubs I will dress in more revealing clothes than I would during the day. So I will show a bit of cleavage for example. I do get quite drunk when i go out tbh. During the day I dress nicely imo!• How you are behavingI'm just usually very chatty and sociable. I like talking to a lot of new people. Smiley, fun, up for a laugh. That's my personality.• How you are responding to their (sexual) behaviourThis is where I think I may be going wrong. I don't discourage it straight away. I do respond to it. The reason I do is because I think that if i cut it off straight away they are going to get offended and then there's no chance of them liking me. • How picky you are being, and on what basis
I'm not overly picky. All I want is someone who I think is fairly attractive, nice and up for a laugh.

Yeah, I would say I get pretty much daily compliments where friends and other people that I vaguely know say that I look really good. I really don't think I am in denial, although this thread certainly is enough to get me to doubt myself!
The thing is, is that at any one point in time, I would say I have like 8ish guys messaging me on a more than once daily basis trying to organise a time for us to have sex. I've had guys follow me to nightclubs that they know that I am going to on a particular night, even when their friends are not going / going elsewhere, just so they can try and get with me.

So I really don't think that I can be that unattractive with all these guys wanting to have sex with me. This is what's getting me down. I just don't understand why all these guys are so fixated on the sex and don't want to get to know me as a person.

Well that's why I'm asking!! Look, without being conceited I know that I'm not fancying guys that are above my level. It's definitely not that. I am good looking and the guys that I have been messaging that keep going on about sex are not out of my league. If anything, I would say most of them are not as attractive looking as myself.

What’s wrong with the guys in the sports clubs?

What kind of friends, and how do they know the guys? E.g. childhood friends + childhood friends = more likely to have more balanced relations vs. uni friends + uni friends = more likely to encounter blokes looking for little besides a cheeky squeeze

These parts speak for themselves

See more serious/withdrawn guys will tend to be relatively intimidated/put off by these qualities vs. more LADish/outgoing guys will tend to be relatively drawn to them, but primarily on the basis of seeking out ‘party girls’. I’m not for a moment suggesting you should try to be something/someone you’re not – especially where inhibiting/dulling down is concerned, but it’s as well to be aware of this and to try to moderate related behaviours to some extent when you meet someone new whom you would like to take you seriously

This is going to sound a bit random but it’s as well to be prepared for sexual bants and to learn how to roll with it in an ‘I’m OK, you’re OK’ positive way that neither turns them off nor gives them the green light to continue quite in the same vein. Complete LADS aside, many guys will operate within the bounds of social acceptability; if you communicate that you are a sexual being, and sexually interested, but also expecting and worthy of respect, and certainly not the kind of girl to get on her back at the click of their fingers, then you’ll find that if guys are interested (enough) they will moderate their behaviour and something approaching balance will be achieved, for a while at least

Trouble is (as you will know) many of those blokes who are interested in quality relationships are taken and pursuing them/finding out if they’re available, never mind interested, can be a bit fraught for a girl. Methinks you should perhaps get into the mindset that the bar/club scene is unlikely to yield all too many opportunities to make high quality connections with that type of guy, and expand your horizons. Here’s a list of places to meet new people that I created primarily with males in mind but that you may nevertheless find helpful – please consider that whilst I routinely discourage young men from using it, and favour real life connections in general, online dating can be very worthwhile for young women, particularly now that it's gone mainstream/become less stigmatised