Cannot deal with my parents anymore!!!
So I am currently commuting to university because I simply could not afford accommodation in central London, I don't qualify for the student grant and get the lower fraction of the student loan, which just covers my travels.
I don't have time to get a job because I spend 3 hours on a train a day, the rest is spent studying or in lectures ect.
I live with my parents, they are so messy all the time, are incapable of buying healthy food, won't pay for me for anything. I can't get new clothes, food, travel, driving lessons, anything. They don't do anything for me. I have no money left for anything.
My sister is away at uni, when she comes home, heaven and earth is moved for her to ensure she has everything she needs, and i'm here struggling.
I cannot deal with them anymore, what should I do?
I don't have time to get a job because I spend 3 hours on a train a day, the rest is spent studying or in lectures ect.
I live with my parents, they are so messy all the time, are incapable of buying healthy food, won't pay for me for anything. I can't get new clothes, food, travel, driving lessons, anything. They don't do anything for me. I have no money left for anything.
My sister is away at uni, when she comes home, heaven and earth is moved for her to ensure she has everything she needs, and i'm here struggling.
I cannot deal with them anymore, what should I do?
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Firstly, you should know that driving lessons are a luxury that most students dependent on Student Finance, can't afford. Also new clothes for many. As far as those things go, you're probably no worse off than most of your colleagues.
What should your parents be paying you for? Unless you've loaned them money or bought things for them that they should reimburse you, you don't have any automatic call on their money. It's a shame that they treat you differently than your sister, but regrettably its their money and they can spend it as they see fit. You can't change that.
Unfortunately you can't live your parents' lives for them. They aren't going to be tidier or eat healthier just because you've started uni. Try to make your room your haven of neat and clean if the rest of the house is in a bad state.
If you cant afford to live away from home, then you need to find a way to live with your parents more peacefully. Sadly it sounds like that will entail changing your attitude rather than expecting them to change. At least you know that it's for a limited length of time. Might be worth looking on it as part of the job that will get you a degree, which will help get a job, which will help get you your own place and get you out of there. Sounds like it's time to play the long game.
If you don't qualify for SF due to lacking residency years in the UK, could you delay uni until you do qualify? Not knowing why you don't qualify, it's difficult to suggest options.
What should your parents be paying you for? Unless you've loaned them money or bought things for them that they should reimburse you, you don't have any automatic call on their money. It's a shame that they treat you differently than your sister, but regrettably its their money and they can spend it as they see fit. You can't change that.
Unfortunately you can't live your parents' lives for them. They aren't going to be tidier or eat healthier just because you've started uni. Try to make your room your haven of neat and clean if the rest of the house is in a bad state.
If you cant afford to live away from home, then you need to find a way to live with your parents more peacefully. Sadly it sounds like that will entail changing your attitude rather than expecting them to change. At least you know that it's for a limited length of time. Might be worth looking on it as part of the job that will get you a degree, which will help get a job, which will help get you your own place and get you out of there. Sounds like it's time to play the long game.
If you don't qualify for SF due to lacking residency years in the UK, could you delay uni until you do qualify? Not knowing why you don't qualify, it's difficult to suggest options.
Original post by Klix88
Firstly, you should know that driving lessons are a luxury that most students dependent on Student Finance, can't afford. Also new clothes for many. As far as those things go, you're probably no worse off than most of your colleagues.
What should your parents be paying you for? Unless you've loaned them money or bought things for them that they should reimburse you, you don't have any automatic call on their money. It's a shame that they treat you differently than your sister, but regrettably its their money and they can spend it as they see fit. You can't change that.
Unfortunately you can't live your parents' lives for them. They aren't going to be tidier or eat healthier just because you've started uni. Try to make your room your haven of neat and clean if the rest of the house is in a bad state.
If you cant afford to live away from home, then you need to find a way to live with your parents more peacefully. Sadly it sounds like that will entail changing your attitude rather than expecting them to change. At least you know that it's for a limited length of time. Might be worth looking on it as part of the job that will get you a degree, which will help get a job, which will help get you your own place and get you out of there. Sounds like it's time to play the long game.
If you don't qualify for SF due to lacking residency years in the UK, could you delay uni until you do qualify? Not knowing why you don't qualify, it's difficult to suggest options.
What should your parents be paying you for? Unless you've loaned them money or bought things for them that they should reimburse you, you don't have any automatic call on their money. It's a shame that they treat you differently than your sister, but regrettably its their money and they can spend it as they see fit. You can't change that.
Unfortunately you can't live your parents' lives for them. They aren't going to be tidier or eat healthier just because you've started uni. Try to make your room your haven of neat and clean if the rest of the house is in a bad state.
If you cant afford to live away from home, then you need to find a way to live with your parents more peacefully. Sadly it sounds like that will entail changing your attitude rather than expecting them to change. At least you know that it's for a limited length of time. Might be worth looking on it as part of the job that will get you a degree, which will help get a job, which will help get you your own place and get you out of there. Sounds like it's time to play the long game.
If you don't qualify for SF due to lacking residency years in the UK, could you delay uni until you do qualify? Not knowing why you don't qualify, it's difficult to suggest options.
My parents earn too much for me to qualify but they still dont help me out. I have been in the UK all my life, so that shouldnt affect. It's just simply I cant afford anything.
Original post by lizmoo0721
So I am currently commuting to university because I simply could not afford accommodation in central London, I don't qualify for the student grant and get the lower fraction of the student loan, which just covers my travels.
I don't have time to get a job because I spend 3 hours on a train a day, the rest is spent studying or in lectures ect.
I live with my parents, they are so messy all the time, are incapable of buying healthy food, won't pay for me for anything. I can't get new clothes, food, travel, driving lessons, anything. They don't do anything for me. I have no money left for anything.
My sister is away at uni, when she comes home, heaven and earth is moved for her to ensure she has everything she needs, and i'm here struggling.
I cannot deal with them anymore, what should I do?
I don't have time to get a job because I spend 3 hours on a train a day, the rest is spent studying or in lectures ect.
I live with my parents, they are so messy all the time, are incapable of buying healthy food, won't pay for me for anything. I can't get new clothes, food, travel, driving lessons, anything. They don't do anything for me. I have no money left for anything.
My sister is away at uni, when she comes home, heaven and earth is moved for her to ensure she has everything she needs, and i'm here struggling.
I cannot deal with them anymore, what should I do?
Firstly, I am sorry that you're feeling so frustrated. Secondly, you need to take things into your own hands if anything is to change. As Klix said, making sure your own room is neat & clean will help maintain your sanity. Is there nothing you can cook yourself from what is available in the house that would be healthier, for example, even if you can't afford or don't want to shop for yourself.
What course do you do? Honestly unless it's one of just a handful of courses, I can't see how you aren't able to fit a part-time job around your studies. I myself worked all through my degree, as did friends studying engineering, science, etc. You need to be organised with work, but it's more than doable.
Could you look into getting a part-time job close to your university that means you could work weekday evenings, and save yourself the commute for a weekend job? Or find something close to home and work during the weekend? Lots of shops are currently looking for Christmas staff at the moment, that could be somewhere to start, and would give you a wodge of cash for working when you don't have uni anyway? Because from reading your post, it seems as if the only way to improve things for yourself is to start earning your own money, if your parents won't spend it on you.
Are you sure? I believe the minimum student loan is around £3000 (and to just get the £3000, your parents will need to earn £500,000+ a year!!) and in London the minimum student loan is £5000 something. Can you please tell me how you can just about afford your travel expenses?!
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by TheGuy1
Are you sure? I believe the minimum student loan is around £3000 (and to just get the £3000, your parents will need to earn £500,000+ a year!!) and in London the minimum student loan is £5000 something. Can you please tell me how you can just about afford your travel expenses?!
I only get the £2,980
It costs be £50 a week to travel.
£50 x 38weeks = £1,900
Then I only have £1000 (£83 per month) left for clothes, gym membership, food or anything else I would need.
How far from Uni do you live? You could buy a bike and that's travel and fitness sorted.
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Original post by lizmoo0721
I only get the £2,980
It costs be £50 a week to travel.
£50 x 38weeks = £1,900
Then I only have £1000 (£83 per month) left for clothes, gym membership, food or anything else I would need.
It costs be £50 a week to travel.
£50 x 38weeks = £1,900
Then I only have £1000 (£83 per month) left for clothes, gym membership, food or anything else I would need.
Axe the gym membership and new clothes. Most people on a budget would cut those pretty quickly, and to be fair what kind of student even buys new clothes? The ones you start uni in are most likely the ones you will leave uni in. Driving lessons are not normally something you get on the student loan and it's not uncommon to only learn to drive after you've finished uni. As for everything else you need, pick up free pens at events, "borrow" paper from printers, and find copies of books you need in the library or online. That should get you by.
You now have money for food during the 8 or so months you are at uni for (£~30/week). During the summer holidays everyone goes back home and has to put up with their parents anyway. That's nothing new.
Given you're an adult and don't pay your parents any rent/board you need to stop complaining and be grateful for what they do for you.
Your sister probably gets things done for her cos they miss her and it's making an effort for a couple of weeks rather than all the time. They aren't going to change their whole lifestyle for you.
If you want to eat healthier buy yourself some extra fruit and veg or even offer to do the shopping/cooking to contribute to the house?
If you want the house clean and tidy, you do it. Student houses are generally a state and if you want them clean you usually have to do it yourself so you're not in any worse of a position, you're just not paying for living there.
As for clothes, driving lessons, gym memberships - few students can afford to spend much on those things, I never had new clothes except for gifts, wasn't able to learn to drive and didn't go to the gym. To be honest, once their basic living necessities are covered there are plenty of students with £20 a week disposable income and that is the position you're in.
Unless you're studying a really intense course you should be able to work at least for a few hours a week. Even doing 5 hours would give you an extra £30 a week, which is a lot for such a small number of hours.
Your sister probably gets things done for her cos they miss her and it's making an effort for a couple of weeks rather than all the time. They aren't going to change their whole lifestyle for you.
If you want to eat healthier buy yourself some extra fruit and veg or even offer to do the shopping/cooking to contribute to the house?
If you want the house clean and tidy, you do it. Student houses are generally a state and if you want them clean you usually have to do it yourself so you're not in any worse of a position, you're just not paying for living there.
As for clothes, driving lessons, gym memberships - few students can afford to spend much on those things, I never had new clothes except for gifts, wasn't able to learn to drive and didn't go to the gym. To be honest, once their basic living necessities are covered there are plenty of students with £20 a week disposable income and that is the position you're in.
Unless you're studying a really intense course you should be able to work at least for a few hours a week. Even doing 5 hours would give you an extra £30 a week, which is a lot for such a small number of hours.
Original post by doodle_333
Given you're an adult and don't pay your parents any rent/board you need to stop complaining and be grateful for what they do for you.
Your sister probably gets things done for her cos they miss her and it's making an effort for a couple of weeks rather than all the time. They aren't going to change their whole lifestyle for you.
If you want to eat healthier buy yourself some extra fruit and veg or even offer to do the shopping/cooking to contribute to the house?
If you want the house clean and tidy, you do it. Student houses are generally a state and if you want them clean you usually have to do it yourself so you're not in any worse of a position, you're just not paying for living there.
As for clothes, driving lessons, gym memberships - few students can afford to spend much on those things, I never had new clothes except for gifts, wasn't able to learn to drive and didn't go to the gym. To be honest, once their basic living necessities are covered there are plenty of students with £20 a week disposable income and that is the position you're in.
Unless you're studying a really intense course you should be able to work at least for a few hours a week. Even doing 5 hours would give you an extra £30 a week, which is a lot for such a small number of hours.
Your sister probably gets things done for her cos they miss her and it's making an effort for a couple of weeks rather than all the time. They aren't going to change their whole lifestyle for you.
If you want to eat healthier buy yourself some extra fruit and veg or even offer to do the shopping/cooking to contribute to the house?
If you want the house clean and tidy, you do it. Student houses are generally a state and if you want them clean you usually have to do it yourself so you're not in any worse of a position, you're just not paying for living there.
As for clothes, driving lessons, gym memberships - few students can afford to spend much on those things, I never had new clothes except for gifts, wasn't able to learn to drive and didn't go to the gym. To be honest, once their basic living necessities are covered there are plenty of students with £20 a week disposable income and that is the position you're in.
Unless you're studying a really intense course you should be able to work at least for a few hours a week. Even doing 5 hours would give you an extra £30 a week, which is a lot for such a small number of hours.
I am grateful that I have a roof over my head, but i am finding it increasingly stressful by how I am struggling financially. I literally spend 3 and a half hours commuting, lectures, seminars and tutorials. I don't have time for a job!
Original post by lizmoo0721
I am grateful that I have a roof over my head, but i am finding it increasingly stressful by how I am struggling financially. I literally spend 3 and a half hours commuting, lectures, seminars and tutorials. I don't have time for a job!
How many hours a week do you have at uni and on which days?
You can be frustrated by your financial difficulties but you can't blame that on your parents, you're over 18 and so they aren't obliged to provide for you, you chose to go to a uni you couldn't afford to live at.
Original post by doodle_333
How many hours a week do you have at uni and on which days?
You can be frustrated by your financial difficulties but you can't blame that on your parents, you're over 18 and so they aren't obliged to provide for you, you chose to go to a uni you couldn't afford to live at.
You can be frustrated by your financial difficulties but you can't blame that on your parents, you're over 18 and so they aren't obliged to provide for you, you chose to go to a uni you couldn't afford to live at.
Monday - friday: finish uni at 5:00 and then 2 hour travelling home
Wednesday - I joined a sports club, 4 hours travelling and 2 hours there.
I dont blame my parents, I simply blame SFE. They don't take into account the number of dependents or if your parents aren't willing to help you out.
Original post by PetrosAC
How far from Uni do you live? You could buy a bike and that's travel and fitness sorted.
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About and hour and a half, It's not really suitable to cycle in London tbh.
Original post by lizmoo0721
Monday - friday: finish uni at 5:00 and then 2 hour travelling home
Wednesday - I joined a sports club, 4 hours travelling and 2 hours there.
I dont blame my parents, I simply blame SFE. They don't take into account the number of dependents or if your parents aren't willing to help you out.
Wednesday - I joined a sports club, 4 hours travelling and 2 hours there.
I dont blame my parents, I simply blame SFE. They don't take into account the number of dependents or if your parents aren't willing to help you out.
Do you start at 9? This still leaves doing a few hours in the evening two nights a week somewhere near uni before you come home. It leaves doing a Saturday shift somewhere near home. Quit your sports club and get a job instead if that's taking another 6 hours out of your week, 6 hours somewhere near home could earn you £40
Your thread title is 'cannot deal with my parents' and you seem very much like you are angry at them.
Original post by doodle_333
Do you start at 9? This still leaves doing a few hours in the evening two nights a week somewhere near uni before you come home. It leaves doing a Saturday shift somewhere near home. Quit your sports club and get a job instead if that's taking another 6 hours out of your week, 6 hours somewhere near home could earn you £40
Your thread title is 'cannot deal with my parents' and you seem very much like you are angry at them.
Your thread title is 'cannot deal with my parents' and you seem very much like you are angry at them.
I start at 11:00 most days, but have to leave 2 hours before. I'd get home at 7:00pm. The sports club is the only sports I do, and the only down/ enjoyment I get through the week. I think I want to carry on with it.
Original post by lizmoo0721
Monday - friday: finish uni at 5:00 and then 2 hour travelling home
Wednesday - I joined a sports club, 4 hours travelling and 2 hours there.
I dont blame my parents, I simply blame SFE. They don't take into account the number of dependents or if your parents aren't willing to help you out.
Wednesday - I joined a sports club, 4 hours travelling and 2 hours there.
I dont blame my parents, I simply blame SFE. They don't take into account the number of dependents or if your parents aren't willing to help you out.
Get a weekend job then?
Original post by gutenberg
Get a weekend job then?
When am i actually meant to do my work, catch up on readings?
Original post by lizmoo0721
When am i actually meant to do my work, catch up on readings?
If you want money then you're going to have to work for it because it's not going to materialise out of thin air for you.
Do your study on the evenings, there's more than enough time in the week or even on your commute to do some of your reading and studying.
Original post by lizmoo0721
When am i actually meant to do my work, catch up on readings?
Do you read while you're traveling back & forth on the train? That seems like an ideal place to do it, and helps cut down on the amount of dead time in your week. Print out articles to read, or read them on a computer/tablet, or borrow the books from the library and read the relevant chapters while travelling. I have to regularly go to London from where I am (~ 1 hour train) and use that time to get 2-3 articles read. Or brainstorm for an assignment with a piece of paper and a pen, for example.
Unless you are literally spending all day Saturday and Sunday working, I can't see how you can't fit in a job. When I was doing my degree I worked a shift each on Saturday and Sunday in a shoe shop, typically 4-6 hours per shift. If I was working in the mornings, I went, worked, and came home in the afternoon to do a few hours' uni work before relaxing in the evening. If I had an afternoon shift, I tried to get up at a reasonable time and get some reading done before heading off to work. There's no doubt you have to be organised during your week at uni, but some pre-planning goes a long way, and really ensures you make the most of your hours during the week. I also commuted to & from university while holding down this job, with a journey time of anywhere between 40 minutes to 1 hour 10 minutes each way. It was tiring at times, but the extra money was fantastic, and I do think it actually helped my overall university performance, by making me much more efficient with my time.
Original post by gutenberg
Do you read while you're traveling back & forth on the train? That seems like an ideal place to do it, and helps cut down on the amount of dead time in your week. Print out articles to read, or read them on a computer/tablet, or borrow the books from the library and read the relevant chapters while travelling. I have to regularly go to London from where I am (~ 1 hour train) and use that time to get 2-3 articles read. Or brainstorm for an assignment with a piece of paper and a pen, for example.
Unless you are literally spending all day Saturday and Sunday working, I can't see how you can't fit in a job. When I was doing my degree I worked a shift each on Saturday and Sunday in a shoe shop, typically 4-6 hours per shift. If I was working in the mornings, I went, worked, and came home in the afternoon to do a few hours' uni work before relaxing in the evening. If I had an afternoon shift, I tried to get up at a reasonable time and get some reading done before heading off to work. There's no doubt you have to be organised during your week at uni, but some pre-planning goes a long way, and really ensures you make the most of your hours during the week. I also commuted to & from university while holding down this job, with a journey time of anywhere between 40 minutes to 1 hour 10 minutes each way. It was tiring at times, but the extra money was fantastic, and I do think it actually helped my overall university performance, by making me much more efficient with my time.
Unless you are literally spending all day Saturday and Sunday working, I can't see how you can't fit in a job. When I was doing my degree I worked a shift each on Saturday and Sunday in a shoe shop, typically 4-6 hours per shift. If I was working in the mornings, I went, worked, and came home in the afternoon to do a few hours' uni work before relaxing in the evening. If I had an afternoon shift, I tried to get up at a reasonable time and get some reading done before heading off to work. There's no doubt you have to be organised during your week at uni, but some pre-planning goes a long way, and really ensures you make the most of your hours during the week. I also commuted to & from university while holding down this job, with a journey time of anywhere between 40 minutes to 1 hour 10 minutes each way. It was tiring at times, but the extra money was fantastic, and I do think it actually helped my overall university performance, by making me much more efficient with my time.
Thank you for a constructive reply! I am trying to get into a routine, spending the majority of my day in the city and then getting a job and relaxing at the weekend. I have applied for a job 3 days a week, 4am-8am, which will be tiring but will fit into my timetable.
I have brought a few books that I am going to read on the trains
Maybe if I get into a routine, then my grades will improve too.
Thank you
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