How can the online dating experience be improved for men?

What exactly do you find difficult about going out and talking to people?

I'm genuinely curious. Its not something I've ever heard anyone describe as difficult in real life.

Really? How many people have evening jobs?

Online dating is incredibly inefficient. Look at how many people say its a numbers game and that you have to spend hours contacting hundreds of people only to get one date every few weeks. What a waste of time.

Whereas if you go out for a few hours, you can easily go home with someone that very night. Its a far more efficient and effective way of finding a relationship.

What superficial behaviour?

Having a list of requirements that a guy has to meet to be worthy a response to an initaited convo.

Having a list of requirements that a guy has to meet to be worthy a response to an initaited convo.

I'm not saying that talking to people is difficult per se. If however you want to go and meet others who are single and interested then things become more difficult.

The difficulties that arise:
1) What is the location of this "out" that you're referring to? Is there some magical mingling spot somewhere for single people? Where do I go to?
Restaurants- can't everyone is sitting at their own table.
Concerts, theater- I suppose you could talk to someone during the breaks or something but usually people go to these things with their friends or dates
Clubs- can't really talk since you can't hear anything. Though if you just want a one night stand, it could be your best shot.
Pubs/bars- theoretically could work but again people often come with friends and are not there necessarily to meet someone.


yes, pubs and bars. Pubs and bars exist specifically for young, often single, people to meet each other. Its almost impossible to spend a few hours in a pub or bar and not get talking to people.


Female friends have told me how they find it annoying sometimes (though not necessarily always) when guys come up to talk to them when they're out somewhere. Sometimes they just want to be with their friends.

Its very easy to tell whether someone wants to chat or not. So chat to the people who want to chat, and not to the people who don't


2) Now assuming you have somehow overcome all those obstacles, that still doesn't quite solve the issue. Firstly, not every guy is so suave as to pull off getting a date (or shag) with someone they just met.

I disagree. With a little practice, its very easy to become "suave" as you call it. Socially competent would be how I would describe it. I don't know anyone in real life who can't chat to a stranger and come across as a nice, interesting attractive person.

Secondly, how do you even know that the person you're chatting up is available? Most people are polite and won't automatically shoot you down but you could spend a fair bit of time chatting someone up who you had snowball's chance in hell with anyway.

This is a bit of a noob question. Its very easy to tell if someone is interested in you, and if they're not... so what? You're just having fun chatting to them. People are nice, they're good to talk to. I have a gf, but I still enjoy chatting with strangers in pubs and having a bit of a joke etc. Its just a good thing to do.


Thirdly, what if the particular location you've chosen to go to doesn't have anyone in it that you find attractive (or attractive and isn't there with someone who's clearly their partner).

Don't worry about it. Just enjoy yourself with the company that is there. Maybe they have a hot friend they will introduce you to later. If you're really that desparate, go to a different pub. There are like 100 pubs in every city, some must have attractive single girls in them.




What about all the people who work in service industries who have to work shifts on weekends/the evenings?

Of course not everyone is like that. Take me: I'm your typical white collar office junkie.
1) Firstly my hours can be long sometimes, I don't always finish at 5.30. I can work much longer than that.

So do I, fortunately pubs are open until late.


2) I do like to do things outside of 'going out'. For example I'm very dedicated to my training schedule and that will take up a fair few evenings. What if I want to read, watch a movie, need to do chores around the house, got a company event?

Do that first, and then go out. For example, I play squash twice a week, and then go to the pub afterwards.


3) Sometimes you're just dead tired from a long day at work and don't really have the energy.

Well, drink a cup off coffee. Unless you're a lumberjack, then your work is really not that tiring.

4) Going 'out' costs money. Drinks, food, tickets- they all cost money and after a while that adds up to a lot. And there's the annoying commute (depending on where one lives).

Three pints is about a tenner. Its really not that expensive, especially if you work full time.


For these reasons just "going out" is not something that works so easily in the real world. And "easily go home with someone"- well there you've reached a James Bond level of womanizing skills that perhaps a mere fraction of the male population can ever hope to attain. Most people just don't have that ability.

Not true - the vast majority of 18 year olds can not pull on your average night out, but the vast majority of 25 year olds can - its just a skill you pick up with practice.


I fundamentally disagree with your statement that online dating is inefficient. If anything, I'd say it's far more efficient than....well whatever the alternative is.
1) In online dating all the clutter is taken away. Everyone on there is looking to meet someone. You don't need to guess who is with their bf and whether they've got an engagement ring, it's all people who are interested.

Except...you have absolutely no idea whether the profiles are real, and they have absolutely no idea whether you're a serial killer or a weirdo or anything. Whereas in a pub, you can tell this instantly.

2) You can easily browse through hundreds of profiles, picking out the ones you're most attracted to. You don't need to pray that the bar you've chosen to visit that night has attractive girls present.

Its impossible to tell who you are actually attracted to before meeting them. Hence most blind dates are a complete bust. In a pub, you can chat to a group of10 single girls and instantly see which one you have chemistry with, but online, you might not have picked her.

3) Cheap and easy: no need to buy drinks or meals (as you'll do that anyway once you go on your date), no need to go anywhere. For the socially shy, much easier to make an approach.

If you meet them, you're going to have to, so it works out the same in the end.

And although it is true that I may have to go through many profiles before I get a match or a response (though the results of that may vary depending on how attractive one's profile is), it really isn't that bad. Generally I do ultimately get responses and from there securing a face to face meet up is quite easy. And once you've met for the first time, everything can progress as normal.

It all sounds like a hell of a lot of work compared to just having some fun with your mates.

Wow long post. See replies in text.

Seems like you are a very unique person that can easily pick up girls in and socialize without difficulty in any scenario or location. That is an amazing skill to have but most people just aren't like that. Hence why online dating kicks in to help.

That's why you think just going out is the easiest way to find a girl while as for others online dating is far easier. Different strokes for different folks.

I'm on ok cupid too. That sucks that they don't engage in conversation. When I've started conversation first they never reply though so I have stopped doing it.
Girls get more messages but I get guys not replying mid conversation so maybe it's not just a gender specific thing.

No no no no no.

This is the point. I'm not unique. I'm not even better than average. Everyone can pick up girls and socialise without difficulty in any scenario provided they actually try.

Unfortunately in the past 5 years, guys seem to have given up trying, and they're all miserable and lonely instead. For ****s sake you pathetic bunch, snap out of it. Go out and socialise, its incredibly easy and incredibly rewarding.

Nope, women are everywhere online. But for some reason (a study was done on this) if there is no identifying gender, most people will automatically assume the person behind the screen is male.

Weird.

I'll admit that I fall into the very category you describe: I don't go out to socialize, have never approached a girl "in real life" and I am quite lonely.

Which is exactly why online dating works perfectly for me. And once I'm going out with a girl, I'm already socializing 'as normal' as I'll be taking her to a bar/restaurant/show/whatever.

For the reasons I listed above, I have found online dating to be the perfect solution for me. And if it has the same end result as you going out and chatting up girls in a bar, then why would I change a winning formula?

but you admit that you're lonely, so its clearly not a winning formula at all, is it...

For these reasons just "going out" is not something that works so easily in the real world. And "easily go home with someone"- well there you've reached a James Bond level of womanizing skills that perhaps a mere fraction of the male population can ever hope to attain. Most people just don't have that ability.

I fundamentally disagree with your statement that online dating is inefficient. If anything, I'd say it's far more efficient than....well whatever the alternative is.
1) In online dating all the clutter is taken away. Everyone on there is looking to meet someone. You don't need to guess who is with their bf and whether they've got an engagement ring, it's all people who are interested.
2) You can easily browse through hundreds of profiles, picking out the ones you're most attracted to. You don't need to pray that the bar you've chosen to visit that night has attractive girls present.
3) Cheap and easy: no need to buy drinks or meals (as you'll do that anyway once you go on your date), no need to go anywhere. For the socially shy, much easier to make an approach.

And although it is true that I may have to go through many profiles before I get a match or a response (though the results of that may vary depending on how attractive one's profile is), it really isn't that bad. Generally I do ultimately get responses and from there securing a face to face meet up is quite easy. And once you've met for the first time, everything can progress as normal.

Well I'm only talking about it from the perspective of finding a girl to go out with. My social life may be otherwise poor but I don't have an issue with dating.

I have a feeling the fact you're not getting replies might have something to do with you having a higher standard of guy in mind. You're aiming for that guy, but that guy has his own standard, so is ignoring you, much like you're ignoring the guys messaging you, who may actually be at your standard; a vicious pecking order, of sorts. Is that true, do you tend to aim for the better-looking guys? It's the only logical explanation I can think of for why a guy on one of those sites wouldn't reply to conversation, aside from the girl being a bad conversationalist.

Just so I can get an idea, what % of your adult life (ie 18+) have you been in a relationship (whether long term or short term).

Not much. I was very much a typical foreveralone type guy (and still am largely) until I discovered online dating. And there are definitely many others like me out there for whom online dating has been a saving grace.

Do you not think that perhaps you would be better off trying to actually get yourself a real social life? using online dating as a crutch is actually doing you no favours at all; its just disguising your problem and putting you off actually doing something about it and improving your life.

Don't think I don't take your view on board. Its just that it is a view I have heard many times before, have considered in detail, and have recognised to be bull****.