Boyfriend wants me to come out and make our relationship public. But I'm not gay.

I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 19. He's been openly gay since he was 14. We have been together two years now.

I have struggled so hard with my sexuality. I have never fancied woman. I've tried to date them but never managed to kiss one unless I was drunk and I am repulsed at the thought of sleeping with a woman.

At the same time the only person I've been sexually attracted to is my boyfriend. He's very good looking and charming with a lot of people fancying him. I don't know what it was about him but I just fell in love.

I hate the idea of being gay, everything about it. I really, really don't want to be gay. I'm sure I'm not anyway.

If I go public with my relationship everyone will think I'm gay. I can't imagine living without my boyfriend. But living with being gay is worse.

Should I just leave him and try and make it work with women/ maybe stay single forever?

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Reply 1

SophieSmall

You need to deal with the issues you have with the idea of being gay. It's just self hatred and it's not healthy, I can also imagine your opinion of being gay being the worst thing imaginable may also be hurting your boyfriend. Which isn't fair on him.

Reply 2

BekahMay

Nothing wrong with being gay, if youre happy it absolutely doesnt matter which gender your partner is
But yeah if youre not ever going to come out because you dont want to be gay then the best thing for your boyfriend if you really do love him is to let him move on with somebody ready to be in an openly gay relationship
Honestly you may find if you came out that the majority of people will have had suspicions anyway, they often do
Good luck either way

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

I come from a homophobic background. My parents will hate me. Life is so much easier if you're straight. I don't want to go through all that when I'm not even gay anyway.

Reply 4

HandmadeTurnip

Why do you hate the idea of being gay?

Reply 5

scrotgrot

You sound pretty gay to me, take the lead from your boyfriend, take the plunge and come out. Denial and hiding isn't worth the toll it will take on you - in this or in anything else.

Reply 6

HandmadeTurnip

Original post by Anonymous

I come from a homophobic background. My parents will hate me. Life is so much easier if you're straight. I don't want to go through all that when I'm not even gay anyway.

Why do you think you're not gay?

Maybe you're Asexual

Part of me wants to call troll, because of the antagonistic wording, and surely nobody our age actually thinks like this any more?!

In case the OP is genuine, however, I would say that sexuality doesn't matter at all. You can fancy everyone or no-one or whoever you like. The important thing is that you love your boyfriend and he makes you happy - nobody should have a problem with that, least of all you.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

I don't want to be gay as everyone who is gay that I know says it's harder being gay. There is prejudice etc. my parents will hate me as they are devout Catholics.

I think I'm not gay as I am only attracted to my boyfriend andthe odd celebrities. Never anyone in real life.

Reply 10

Tootles

Original post by Anonymous

So just be you.

If you love him you won't have a problem with people knowing it.

Reply 11

stochasticking

Original post by Anonymous

Sounds like you are gay and either ashamed, scared and/or trying to repress it. Come out . Be true to yourself.

Reply 12

HzlC

"Should I just leave him and try and make it work with women/ maybe stay single forever?"

NO! To do so is really cruel to the women/woman you're faking it with!

Reply 13

HzlC

Original post by ChickenMadness

Maybe you're Asexual

He said he's sexually attracted to his partner though .... ? Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone else.

Reply 14

Chicken.M.

Original post by Plumstone

I'd feel the same way if I were gay tbf.

Reply 15

ivy.98

You sound very confused :frown:

but if you're physically&emotionally attracted to your boyfriend, it must mean something
Repressing your sexuality is not good and can lead to problems in the future..

Reply 16

Masih ad-Dajjal

I do feel bad for you man.

Firstly you need to separate your sexuality from any self-loathing you have. There is nothing wrong with being gay and it does not make you less of a person, so internalise this, then figure out who you are and make a decision the right way.

You can't mess your boyfriend around, he has feelings and he deserves to know, but you can't try to force yourself to be with a girl because they have feelings they deserve someone who really wants them too.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 17

Tabstercat

you've got a boyfriend and are trying to kid yourself saying that you're not gay, lmao. It's actually amazing what cognitive dissonance can do

Reply 18

_Fergo

Just live your life mate and screw people who disprove of you. You're not going to get a second chance and I can speak with certainty that you'll regret trying to hide your feelings later on.

I know this sounds harsh, but if your parents don't approve you because of your sexuality then they're not worth it.

It's your decision to make of course, and your life to live, just make sure it's really what you want to do.

Posted from TSR Mobile

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 19

cheshiremum

Original post by Anonymous

You don't have to come out if you don't want to. Nobody expects straight people to come out as straight. However, it sounds to me as though you would benefit from talking to someone in confidence. This link might help http://switchboard.lgbt//help/