I hate and resent my mother?

Recently I've just been feeling so depressed because she's always on my case. For as long as I can remember, I dread the moment she checks up on me in my room (at the highest floor) and feel sick wondering when she'll go away. A few weeks ago I was refusing to go somewhere because my anxiety was through the roof and I physically couldn't but she hit me and forced me to anyway, saying I'm not going to amount to anything and I'll end up like my late dad. I've started self harming again to deal with it, but honestly I don't even feel guilty anymore because it's becoming the one thing I can rely on. I resent her for bringing me up so conservatively and never letting me go out with my friends because that's what mainly caused my anxiety. I remember her getting angry and telling me to drink bleach when I was a child and it's little things like that I can't let go of and keep remembering. I'm 18 years old and should be going to uni soon but I've planned to stay home, although now I'm thinking I want to get as far away as possible. I just don't know what to do anymore. She'll pick on me for every little thing and it's breaking me

This sounds horrible :/ you're old enough to move out so think about that or just wait for uni since that'll be happening soon.

I'd also suggest getting help to treat your anxiety, it seems quite bad. You need to talk to someone professional about your troubled relationship with your mum too. Please seek therapy, it will help you.

Sadly, some parents won't change their ways in how they treat their kids. But you can change how you deal with it by overcoming this. Don't cut yourself m8, it's not worth hurting yourself over :/

im so sorry that this is happening to you. by the sounds of it your mother has her own mental issues that she is dealing with because her behaviour does not portray that of a rational parent; keep this in consideration. by no means am i saying to completely let go of everything she has done to you, but think of it like your mother is somebody who is mentally unstable and unable to control her behaviour towards you because of personal issues inside HERSELF. please dont blame yourself for the way she treats you because IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. If you are looking for opinions, i personally think you need to get as far away from your mother as possible. she is not good for you. how can u expect to be happy and secure in yourself when she is constantly bringing you down because of her own problems? because she is your mother, theres no doubt that you will feel guilt towards the idea of leaving (i believe this is innate) but i say do it! youre 18 and about to begin the rest of your life! would you rather stay at home cutting with an abusive mother or far away in a more positive environment and taking in what the world has to offer you.I've had similar issues with my mother and found out that it was her own personal insecurities all along. she got help and counselling and our relationship is very strong now. similarly for you, maybe the idea of leaving permanently is not the solution but you definitely deserve a break.Please stop cutting!! Please! If you ever need anyone to talk to, im going to uni soon too, you can PM me, and keep us posted <3

I'm super happy that this helped you! Chin up and keep going. I promise that things will get better and life always has so much more in store for you - you just need to be the person that changes your own destiny! Good luck xx

You really made me feel better honestly wish I had a friend like you