Banter, in this context, means taking the piss out of someone for a laugh.
I have a lot of queries about how I feel about this so this might be quite a long post. Please read through it and reply to what you can.
Why do people find it funny to mock you? For example, if you was playing football with some mates and you trip up, is that funny? Perhaps. I could give that some leeway. But if it continues to be a topic amongst your group of friends that is used to ridicule you, is that funny? Personally, I don't think it is.
What if the topic that is being mocked is or could be true? For example, if you get dumped by your girlfriend and tell your mates, then a week later they lay into you about it. They can say anything from your willy is too small or she cheated on you or whatever in a relentless fashion. One of those jokes could actually be true and that would mean that you are joking about something that could have caused me to be upset.
Also, expanding on the point example I made above, if you raise the issue you have with your friends making jokes about you splitting up with your girlfriend, you could either be open to more ridicule or they stop and respect you. Let's assume that they stop making jokes about you and your girlfriend. Does this mean they will stop mocking you for everything? Probably not. In this case, do they respect you?...Is it my fault for being touchy or their fault for being insensitive.
Why do people mock as a form of humour? Is it because they have insecurities, self confidence issues or self esteem issues? Is it because you have those issues? If someone constantly puts you down for their pleasure, is it your fault for being open to ridicule because you have feelings or is it their fault for having some kind of emptiness in their life or they are plainly stupid, they are not intelligent enough to realize what they are doing?
I've been going through blog posts and random articles about slighting (the event of being offended by someone's actions). In the comments, most people say that if you cannot take a joke then you are boring, you have no sense of humour and noone will like to hang out with you. This type of comment puzzles me. I have a great sense of humour. I love stand up comedy. I am seen as a funny and witty person by some of my friends. I just don't understand why taking the piss out of someone is enjoyable, especially if they subject could potentially be a sensitive one for the recipient. The funny think is that your friends won't engage in such communications with you unless you're a friend. To do it to a stranger is to ask to get punched in the face. Yet, it's only banter right? Why should I allow my friends to insult me if I won't let a stranger insult me?
If you have to mock people to get people to laugh or make yourself laugh, what does that mean? Does that mean you are not smart enough to engage in other forms of humour? Does it mean that you do not care about the other person's feelings? Does it mean that you have a better sense of humour than someone that is offended by what you say?
When a banterish joke is made and I determine it has malicious intent but the perpetrator uses the 'banter' disclaimer, it annoys me. I know that the perpetrator intentionally seeks topics that I or other people will find humorous which are normally negative on a society wide basis. For example, they cannot mock me for being good at Maths. In fact, I get mocked for making simple addition errors. This is why I find it malicious because I am proud of my mathematical skills and it annoys me when I am challenged on it. I often wonder, if I wasn't annoyed by it, would my friend still do it. Probably, the humour is not reliant on my reaction. If it is funny to the perpetrator then it is funny. Obviously, I can't react too aggressively because that would leave me to experience more ridicule. It's a vicious circle. If I remove that topic from the acceptable banter topics, I will seem like a killjoy.
I know it sounds petty to be concerned or proud about my mathematics skills to the extent of being offended but then what's the point. If you have friends that try to insult you at every opportunity and not let things go, what do you do? If I dish it out, I know it will lead to conflict so I don't. If I ignore it, they will do it for the rest of my life. If I address it, we could cease to be friends.
I just do not understand how it is funny and tbh my friend wouldn't like it if I did it to the level they do. It would turn into fights because I am quite vengeful and will really go for the juglar. Nothing will be off the table. Mums, grandmas everything. Maybe that is the only way to make them realize that what they do is actually bad. You don't do it to strangers. You shouldn't enjoy belittling people. How the hell does that make sense?
Being disrespectful and spiteful to your friends should be the last thing you want to do.
Is it a healthy relationship if you all mock each other???
Is it my problem or my friends'?