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I love my boyfriend but want to f*ck other guys.

How would it make you feel if he said "Hmm, I really love you. But I want to screw other girls. I'm not going to, but I'd just sort wanna have a one night stand you know, I still love you and it wont happen, babe! But I've just been thinking about it"

Would you be okay with that?

Reply 101

jeremy1988

13

Original post by DebbyDowner

He's in the states, east coast and I'm in London. Really I think I just have to just deal with how it is until he's back for good because he won't be ok with it.

So, he will at some point be back for good and stop leaving you alone for such long periods of time, right? If he's going to keep up a pattern of going abroad and leaving you in this situation, then that's almost certainly going to be a problem.

I personally wouldn't judge someone who left someone over that. You can't keep asking someone to wait for you indefinitely, or settle for a few months together every year, etc.

Reply 102

DebbyDowner

OP

5

Original post by grvcex97

Imagine you're the one abroad and your bf said he looks at other hot girls and thinks about f*cking them -____- temptation is not an excuse for infidelity. Please reevaluate your "love" for him.

I AM reevaluating it, that's the point of this conversation. And it isn't like he's away at war, he chose to go to another country for an extended period of time and expects me to wait as long as it takes because he knows I love him. It's not fair to me and I'm allowed to moan about it, like I said before, if he said the same thing to me rn I'd be relieved because at least we'd both be feeling the same way.

Reply 103

DebbyDowner

OP

5

Original post by jeremy1988

So, he will at some point be back for good and stop leaving you alone for such long periods of time, right? If he's going to keep up a pattern of going abroad and leaving you in this situation, then that's almost certainly going to be a problem.

I personally wouldn't judge someone who left someone over that. You can't keep asking someone to wait for you indefinitely, or settle for a few months together every year, etc.

Yeah we're arguing about this. He should be back in September but has told me he's considering taking an internship for an extra 6 months which would drive me insane. At the same time I feel like I shouldn't voice my opinion about it and give him an ultimatum about coming back here for me or furthering his career. I mentioned to him last night that this year we've spent only 5 weeks literally together and he said that he doesn't like to think of it that way but it'll be worth it in the end...

Reply 104

DebbyDowner

OP

5

Original post by karl pilkington

Hi would you consider ****ing maybe another girl instead maybe he would be fine with that also how old are you

Actually he'd probably love it lol but I'm not into girls. I'm 22.

Reply 105

jeremy1988

13

Original post by DebbyDowner

Yeah we're arguing about this. He should be back in September but has told me he's considering taking an internship for an extra 6 months which would drive me insane. At the same time I feel like I shouldn't voice my opinion about it and give him an ultimatum about coming back here for me or furthering his career. I mentioned to him last night that this year we've spent only 5 weeks literally together and he said that he doesn't like to think of it that way but it'll be worth it in the end...

The thing I'm wondering is when the end will be, you know? I'm just saying the kind of guy that keeps taking opportunities that lead him away from home tends to keep taking them and promising it will be temporary.

I know people who are in relationships with other people that are almost never around and just come home to sleep, because they're always working overtime or travelling. They keep promising, "after this, I'll come home", but then before they know it, it's time to retire.

It sounds like, at best, he may be a workaholic with little sense of attachment. I mean, people that really want to stay close to home and put their loved ones first can usually find ways to do so.

But at worst he could very well be seeing someone else already while wanting to hold onto you as well. For all you know, he could have another girlfriend over there and just wants you to be "there" for him whenever he travels to Britain. There are high-powered executives that do stuff like that. It's not unheard of for men to want to sneak around and cheat themselves, but expect their girlfriends/wives not to do so. That kind of hypocrisy exists out there.

It just seems awfully suspicious to me that he's going to the other side of the Atlantic to find opportunities and advance his career when Europe is so close by. I mean, this isn't the 18th century where America is the land of opportunity and no one can get ahead in Europe. Our society is fairly established, especially on the east coast. If he can't find opportunities in Europe, then he's not trying very hard. Americans seem to find work opportunities in Europe often enough when they want to do so.

I mean... it kind of seems like your relationship isn't really a relationship because it's incredibly one-sided. You're making a lot of sacrifices for him, but he's just doing what he wants without considering your feelings. It seems like if it really bothered him that he was leaving you alone, he would stop doing it at some point.

People are quick to judge you, but I don't see anyone thinking about how cold it is to leave someone alone for a whole year and just automatically expect them to be okay with that. When you're not even married, at that. Most men at least wait until they're married to take their wives for granted like this.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 106

FoggyTeacup

5

Original post by DebbyDowner

Yeah we're arguing about this. He should be back in September but has told me he's considering taking an internship for an extra 6 months which would drive me insane. At the same time I feel like I shouldn't voice my opinion about it and give him an ultimatum about coming back here for me or furthering his career. I mentioned to him last night that this year we've spent only 5 weeks literally together and he said that he doesn't like to think of it that way but it'll be worth it in the end...

The fact you wish to give him an ultimatum of either you or his career speaks volumes. If you truly felt happy and in love in this relationship (rather than lust), you would wait for him and not even dream about sleeping with other people, never mind even approach the subject with him! I understand we are all different, so I'm not judging particularly, I'm just advising that maybe this isn't love if you feel this way? Also, if you truly want to spend your life with someone, you have to go through hard times and you often will support them in their hopes, goals and dreams rather than offer an ultimatum. At the end of the day, it's your call, but your lack of support (I know it's hard, I'm in the exact same situation) is telling of your true feelings.

My dad always used to say: when the chips are down, you can really tell what a person or a relationship is like. To interpret this, I'm saying that when times are tough, it reveals the strength of a relationship, people's feelings and attitudes. Maybe something to think about.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 107

Rorschach II

20

Original post by DebbyDowner

Oh I do..

What about the dildoo?

Reply 108

doodle_333

19

I've done LD briefly and never really wanted or fantasised seriously about anything other than my boyfriend...if you would really consider cheating on your partner cos you're horny and can't understand why he's upset about that then you need to reevaluate your relationship.

Reply 109

doodle_333

19

Original post by DebbyDowner

Yeah we're arguing about this. He should be back in September but has told me he's considering taking an internship for an extra 6 months which would drive me insane. At the same time I feel like I shouldn't voice my opinion about it and give him an ultimatum about coming back here for me or furthering his career. I mentioned to him last night that this year we've spent only 5 weeks literally together and he said that he doesn't like to think of it that way but it'll be worth it in the end...

ultimatums don't work... either he doesn't choose you and you break up or he does choose you and resents having to do so until you break up... you can tell him how you feel, tell him you can't cope with this carrying on how it is... but ultimately you have to make a decision as to whether or not you can put up with it and go with that

Reply 110

DebbyDowner

OP

5

Original post by FoggyTeacup

The fact you wish to give him an ultimatum of either you or his career speaks volumes. If you truly felt happy and in love in this relationship (rather than lust), you would wait for him and not even dream about sleeping with other people, never mind even approach the subject with him! I understand we are all different, so I'm not judging particularly, I'm just advising that maybe this isn't love if you feel this way? Also, if you truly want to spend your life with someone, you have to go through hard times and you often will support them in their hopes, goals and dreams rather than offer an ultimatum. At the end of the day, it's your call, but your lack of support (I know it's hard, I'm in the exact same situation) is telling of your true feelings.

My dad always used to say: when the chips are down, you can really tell what a person or a relationship is like. To interpret this, I'm saying that when times are tough, it reveals the strength of a relationship, people's feelings and attitudes. Maybe something to think about.

I clearly said that I feel like I SHOULDN'T give him an ultimatum because that wouldn't be fair. I only brought that up because everyone is telling me to tell him about it.
I've stood by him whilst he's choosen to be away from me with no solid time frame of when he'll be back. Imo, that's extremely supportive. We had very frequent sex when he was here and he knows I've never wanted to be a nun so he should be thinking about my feelings too.

Reply 111

DebbyDowner

OP

5

Original post by doodle_333

I've done LD briefly and never really wanted or fantasised seriously about anything other than my boyfriend...if you would really consider cheating on your partner cos you're horny and can't understand why he's upset about that then you need to reevaluate your relationship.

I used the word 'obviously' because I can obviously understand why he wouldn't be happy about it.

I have never implied that I would cheat on him. I said that I was honest with him about how I felt and ultimately if I felt that I couldn't wait for him we would break up.

Reply 112

Andy98

20

Solution: masturbation.

Never thought I'd say that

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 113

DebbyDowner

OP

5

Original post by jeremy1988

The thing I'm wondering is when the end will be, you know?

Right! Like this is the main problem. I feel like I'm expected to wait as long as it takes and i honestly do love him but I never signed up to this type of relationship. It's not like we met online and he already lived abroad, he's chosen to move when he could be here.

The fact that he claims to not even think about being with other women also makes me paranoid that he's lying and possibly cheating. He has a very high sex drive so why isn't it bothering him as much as it bothers me...?

I've even looked into transferring to a university in the states for a year so that we'd be nearer. I brought it up to him last night and he said that would be amazing if I could do that because he does want to apply to internships there after he graduates or he'd pay for me to fly out and see him more often - which is completely impractical because I'm at uni and have a job...

Reply 114

carola

it suggests you don't "truly" love .... .

Reply 115

Bluebabedr

1

Completely normal to have sexual urges you are human. Just because you are itching for sex does not mean you do not love him or you are a bad person. Acknowledging your emotions and managing them appropriately is all we can do. We feel emotions and urges because we are human. You are normal just be honest to your self and him. If you are used to having sex all the time and your S/O leaves maybe it’s even more normal to feel urges. Experiment with toys and phone sex :smile:

good luck

Reply 116

ageshallnot

21

Original post by Bluebabedr

Completely normal to have sexual urges you are human. Just because you are itching for sex does not mean you do not love him or you are a bad person. Acknowledging your emotions and managing them appropriately is all we can do. We feel emotions and urges because we are human. You are normal just be honest to your self and him. If you are used to having sex all the time and your S/O leaves maybe it’s even more normal to feel urges. Experiment with toys and phone sex :smile:

good luck

She's probably worked it out in the past four years.

I love my boyfriend but want to f*ck other guys.

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