Life, love and family.. Help!

This is a really tricky situation! Do you love him that much to leave your family for him? Do you think your relationship will last for a long time because what if you choose him over your family and he leaves you

Also why exactly does your family not trust/like him?

Yes I really do and I would, because then we could both prove them wrong too! I know him better than his friends who have known him since childhood.. If he wanted to leave me, he would've/could've a long time ago, why stay in a difficult relationship and even try and fight for it to work unless you're serious?!

He told my family he wants to marry me as soon as he's done with University. I don't see the harm in us meeting up and spending time together in public, which they won't allow at all.

Thank you for reading!

I've been seeing him without them knowing for a whole year, albeit not a lot because I knew I'd get caught out eventually. They caught me as I was leaving from work to go and see him instead of and going coming home.

When I suggested that idea that day because I'd only just found out about his parents coming, they refused and said no they won't wait because I've known him for so long! Then later they said to me to ask him as a test of whether he loves me or not, but they'd already been terrible to him and he'd spoken to his mum by then, so as I said his parents won't meet me, why would they even consider meeting the family who treated her son so badly?!

My family make irrational, unreasonable and illogical decisions fuelled from anger. It's no use even talking to them calmly, they refuse to listen or believe anything I say.

Thanks for reading my post!

This is so romantic! I suggest you keep on convincing your parents, tell them how much you love him and how you can't live without him. If they are still not convinced I think you should think about running away with the guy you love and start a new life somewhere else. I am sure your family would come around one day. If I was in your situation I would wait until Christmas though ! Good luck inshallah your parents will change their opinion . You just have to be very honest with them and remember after hardship comes ease!

This is so romantic! I suggest you keep on convincing your parents, tell them how much you love him and how you can't live without him. If they are still not convinced I think you should think about running away with the guy you love and start a new life somewhere else. I am sure your family would come around one day. If I was in your situation I would wait until Christmas though ! Good luck inshallah your parents will change their opinion . You just have to be very honest with them and remember after hardship comes ease!

Np.

Your family are being unreasonable if they aren't even gonna meet this guy you like and his family.

Is there not anyone in your family you can talk to? Maybe your mum would be more understanding than your dad?
At least get one of them to call the guy's parents and beg them to apologise to his family.

what is your ethnic background

What the heck, run away with this guy?!
That's terrible advice. OP could still make amends with her family and they can still get behind her. This guy hasn't even finished uni yet, and she might have to risk her job.
Not good at all...

if it was to happen OP it already would have, clearly your parents arent approving to this marriage, i wouldnt worry tho happens alot in pretty much every muslim/asain family. if i were you id just pray thats all there is left to do tbh dont leave ur family... you may feel the need to escape rn but in the long run you'll be effected big time, ive seen it happen to many trust me... including my own cousin.
I will make dua for you and hopefully things will get better dont loose hope

Hi to whoever takes time out to read this!

So, where do I start?! I guess a little background would help, I'm in my mid-20s (when you've read all of this you'll understand what I'm doing on this forum!) Muslim, living at home with my family and I work.

So about a year ago I got into a relationship with a Muslim guy - 4 years younger than me, and from a different culture. At that time I thought I should do the right thing and tell my parents, which I did (and I'll probably regret this for a very long time!) They always told us children that as long as he was a Muslim and the two people were happy they would never refuse or stand in the way.

I'm a practicing Muslim but definitely not as religious as my parents. My dad asked to meet the guy, which he agreed to do and then he asked to speak to his parents. He spoke to his parents about me several times, but seeing as he's not completed his studies they won't take him seriously nor will they let him get married, which to me makes sense, I actually don't feel ready nor am I in a rush!

I told my parents this but they refuse to believe me and say he's just saying that and lying to me to make me happy (I know he loves me, but whatever he does, they'll never believe me and he's never good enough!)

He agreed and liked the idea of introducing me to his mum when she comes over at Christmas to see him (just to clear it up, he's a foreign student, and this will be the first time his family comes here since we've been together, so we've not had an opportunity to do this sooner!)

Anyway, for the past year I've been sneaking out and about to see him, and recently I got caught out, which I have been anticipating! I got into a huge argument with my family, they called my boyfriend up and started shouting and blaming him for lying and for playing me.

Now I know people get played/used by others, BUT before getting into a relationship he knew how difficult my family were, he knew that I would barely be able to meet him and when we have it's only been for a few of hours in public. I'm not rich or incredibly stunning or anything special.. What exactly would he be using me for? We don't do anything aside from just 'hang out'. He's studying at University so if he wanted he has plenty of opportunities to cheat on me, to be in an easier relationship, or to do whatever the hell he wants, yet he's chosen to stick by me and make this work.

The day my parents treated him with such hostility, he spoke to his mum about everything including how I defended him and argued with my family for him, but understandably it upset her a lot and now I don't think she'll agree to meeting me.

My family gave me an ultimatum, we let the families meet in the Christmas holidays but I can't see him at all until that day (because as Muslims we are not meant to date and we are not married Islamically either) or if I choose to continue to be with him and see him whenever I want, I'm no longer family and most likely they'll kick me out the house.

We met yesterday (for the last time, as my family think!) and I asked if his family would accept me and he said prior to how my family treated him, they would have. However now his mum is barely speaking to him and he said it's unlikely. I told him to use the time we have now (i.e. give our relationship 2 more months) until they come, to try and convince his mum to at least meet me, because that would give me an opportunity to set things straight. If they accept me, I told him I'd leave my family behind and move out (a friend has agreed to let me stay at hers!) because we have a great relationship and I'd be willing to risk it and make things work out. If, however, his mum refuses to meet me, I agreed that it would mean the end of us and our relationship and I'll accept it.

Again, I thought I'd do the right thing and tell my parents the conversation we had, and believe it or not, they said he's a sly boy who's lying to me about talking to his mum, and making me believe that my parents are to blame (who I do blame for making me feel miserable and ruining my relationship!) They have continuously judged and accused him without ever giving him a chance. I know he is genuine because I talk to him and we've spent time together, and I know he treats me perfectly.

I know very realistically I have less than 1% hope of it working out and lasting, because my parents will never budge or change their narrow ways of thinking or even let me make my own decisions. The 1% hope is that he convinces his mum to change her mind and she'll accept me.

I feel like I'll come to terms with not being with him eventually, but I'll always blame my family and never have any sort of relationship with them again. I have no life outside of going to work, I have to always ask for permission about who I'm seeing, when, where, what time etc. They've been overprotective and suffocating since I was 16 (and for all those years I've lived like that without complaint) but now I feel like I'm merely existing and not living my own life. I had to cancel plans to see my friends because I supposedly 'always make plans when I have time off, and I'm never interested in family or housework'.

The only reason I'm currently playing happy family is because my brother's wife lives with us, and I have a great relationship with my brother and her, and also because she is unaware of all of this (she happened to be away on the day it all kicked off!)

I am very grateful for everything my parents have provided and given me, but I feel like I'm now old enough to make my own choices, even if it might not be the right one in their eyes. I want to learn have experienced and grow for myself. It seems like I live in prison and everyday I feel miserable, fed up and have no hope for anything anymore.

Has anyone ever been in any kind of tricky situation like this? Has it ever worked out how you wanted? Should I even keep hope that life will ever get better for me? Or just any advice, ideas, solutions about what me, him or both of us could do? I really don't want to continue living like this anymore, I'm losing the will to live.

I'm so sorry this post is so long and if there are any grammatical errors, but this is a very shortened version of everything, but feel free to ask for more details on anything if it would help!

If you read all of this and reply, then thank you in advance, sometimes I just like an outsiders view, even if it's painful to hear.

Your British, you live in the United Kingdom not Pakistan, Bangladeshi, India or whatever!

Muslim parents need to stop controlling there adult children, they sacrificed that right when they moved to the UK/they choose to live here.

I am Bangladeshi so I understand the issues you maybe facing. Let me tell you this, your parents will love you no matter what, they might say they'll disown you, they'll emotionally blackmail but at the end of the day they will come running back.

SCREW THE CULTURE, DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.