Envy over someone being really loved
And I'm not really a remotely envious person. But I've realised that if you live your life free of close connections, there's something you don't have- in fact even if you did have a relationship this still may happen-
Namely, that let's say someone you encounter, acquaintance or friend of a friend, for example, shows you a window into this...it may be enhanced by the fact that they themselves intrigue or attract you,.they were in love and lost someone, the person died. You can see how deeply loved someone is by their partner how much intensity and shared memories they had. It doesn't have to be that they lost them like this or even lost them at all, but can you think of an example yourself where you see how intensely someone was loved and you just rue your detachment, or doubt you could inspire that in someone, and really want it in your life badly, especially from someone you treasure and admire. Let's say 'on paper' you're fine, you don't have horrendous faults or ugliness or whatever, but you doubt whether you can have this. Is this a classic case of a how I, or you(if you have experienced this) always think the grass is greener? That there were opportunities for something that could have been like that in my life? That I am falling for the fact that the grass is greener and what is not in front of you and available, what has some distance can take on more power and mystery, or it it that I don't have the intensity? Or is it that I am taken in by sentimentaility, the type conveyed on the web, even if it is about losing someone, and is it a classic case of internet envy and mystery being enhanced on the web via online image and not being with the person day to day?
Namely, that let's say someone you encounter, acquaintance or friend of a friend, for example, shows you a window into this...it may be enhanced by the fact that they themselves intrigue or attract you,.they were in love and lost someone, the person died. You can see how deeply loved someone is by their partner how much intensity and shared memories they had. It doesn't have to be that they lost them like this or even lost them at all, but can you think of an example yourself where you see how intensely someone was loved and you just rue your detachment, or doubt you could inspire that in someone, and really want it in your life badly, especially from someone you treasure and admire. Let's say 'on paper' you're fine, you don't have horrendous faults or ugliness or whatever, but you doubt whether you can have this. Is this a classic case of a how I, or you(if you have experienced this) always think the grass is greener? That there were opportunities for something that could have been like that in my life? That I am falling for the fact that the grass is greener and what is not in front of you and available, what has some distance can take on more power and mystery, or it it that I don't have the intensity? Or is it that I am taken in by sentimentaility, the type conveyed on the web, even if it is about losing someone, and is it a classic case of internet envy and mystery being enhanced on the web via online image and not being with the person day to day?
In fact even if it is sentimentality maybe that's why I like it, it's different to me, too worried about detachment and like a lot of middle class people, more concerned about image etc, tastes, intellectual and objective things which miss the point of life in this way. I realise middle class life can be sterile, self -preservation and tastes and nice things to be grateful for, but emotionally a bit barren and detached.
I do want to ask specifically as well if you think this may be that oddly 21st century intensification of one's perception of a situation because of the vagaries of online, social media skimming, et al. Observing from a distance and online makes it more mysterious and emotionally powerful and induces more envy?
Also the last question I'd ask is if I don't feel I can just 'cultivate' this feeling out of some sterile approach of finding a 'suitable' partner, does it mean that it is this person specifically who I have at least a major crush on?
I do want to ask specifically as well if you think this may be that oddly 21st century intensification of one's perception of a situation because of the vagaries of online, social media skimming, et al. Observing from a distance and online makes it more mysterious and emotionally powerful and induces more envy?
Also the last question I'd ask is if I don't feel I can just 'cultivate' this feeling out of some sterile approach of finding a 'suitable' partner, does it mean that it is this person specifically who I have at least a major crush on?
Me too I'm quite jealous. I'd love to have someone thinking of me and looking out for me, and me doing the same for them. Of course I have close friends but it's not really the same as being on a beloved's mind. I feel very lonely and unworthy!
I don't think it is good to compare yourself to people, especially on the web though. Remember that people's online version is an edited, filtered version.
I don't think it is good to compare yourself to people, especially on the web though. Remember that people's online version is an edited, filtered version.
Original post by Anonymous
Me too I'm quite jealous. I'd love to have someone thinking of me and looking out for me, and me doing the same for them. Of course I have close friends but it's not really the same as being on a beloved's mind. I feel very lonely and unworthy!
I don't think it is good to compare yourself to people, especially on the web though. Remember that people's online version is an edited, filtered version.
I don't think it is good to compare yourself to people, especially on the web though. Remember that people's online version is an edited, filtered version.
Yeah but this emotion she had for him was so real, like she was haunted by it, wanting to be reunited after death. It really got to me, I don't know her but it haunted me. And then it made me feel that when I encountered her, on some level I saw her mystery and beauty, but I am such a detached, emotionally unintelligent, self-centred idiot all I was thinking about at the time were weird abstract concepts and probably what I want in some fleeting way, and my own neurosis. And I thought of what beautiful human experiences of real depth and emotion I could be missing.
Anyone else?
Wow. This is exactly what I'm going through. I too have lived a Middle-Class lifestyle which placed a lot emphasis on status and education. Now that I am an adult, I realise that love and emotional intelligence are incredibly important.
Original post by Anonymous
Wow. This is exactly what I'm going through. I too have lived a Middle-Class lifestyle which placed a lot emphasis on status and education. Now that I am an adult, I realise that love and emotional intelligence are incredibly important.
Thanks. Life has so many dimensions than a particular mentality that thinks itself all enlightenment, there are mysteries and powerful emotions you can remain unaware of if you live that way. And you start to see how it's all about cool, a certain kind of switched on-ness(bad word I know), intellect, tastes etc, there are things that are regarded as downmarket, corny or just not intellectually approved, but they are to do with letting your guard down and letting more powerful things in, it can be seen by them as the mark of some things 'ordinary', but they are ordinary and conventional, and a person can have real depth that touches you like this. It's hard to explain.
Original post by Anonymous
Wow. This is exactly what I'm going through. I too have lived a Middle-Class lifestyle which placed a lot emphasis on status and education. Now that I am an adult, I realise that love and emotional intelligence are incredibly important.
I was intrigued by your input, then you went quiet.
I don't really understand this.
Original post by FridaKahlo
I don't really understand this.
me neither
He just posted a very interesting response and then went quiet...bit frustrating when people do that. Anyway I am bumping this a bit because I think there must be people with similar feelings.
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