Lonely at First Year
It's been four weeks since I started university, and I'm feeling that I'm having trouble finding friends. I'm a member of a fair few student societies about things that interest me, as well as knowing a fair few people on my course, and I do enjoy them, but most of the time I feel isolated from everyone. The people I do know best in my course only recently joined a course-based collaborative group without me, and it seems like all of their conversations are above me. It seems like everyone else is making very close friendships very quickly, and I haven't even met anyone who I would consider that kind of friend. Sometimes I can't even feel I can keep up conversations with them. It's really depressing, and I even imagine if people are deliberately avoiding me. What should I do?
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You are not alone in your comment about 'keeping up with conversations.' I felt the same way when I was younger in some social situations. (I went to uni 2000-2003.)
Do you live in Halls or at home? I would imagine that possible flatmates might be your first port of call in terms of friends. Even if you have 'exhausted' your floor for potential friends, try the floors above/below/adjacent, even if it means a bit of cringeworthy door knocking. If you live at home, with the best will in the world you will never get a 'full' University experience.
Your perception that everyone else is making very close friendships is possibly misguided. Males tend to less than females anyway (who can seem very arm-linky etc remarkably quickly.) Many posters state that the people they meet in their first year are not ultimately their best friends.
Sometimes as well accept that being a good friend means listening as well as talking! Many people are happy talking a lot, often about themselves!
Even if you never quite crack it at Uni (I didn't) you may get more confident as you get older like myself!
Do you live in Halls or at home? I would imagine that possible flatmates might be your first port of call in terms of friends. Even if you have 'exhausted' your floor for potential friends, try the floors above/below/adjacent, even if it means a bit of cringeworthy door knocking. If you live at home, with the best will in the world you will never get a 'full' University experience.
Your perception that everyone else is making very close friendships is possibly misguided. Males tend to less than females anyway (who can seem very arm-linky etc remarkably quickly.) Many posters state that the people they meet in their first year are not ultimately their best friends.
Sometimes as well accept that being a good friend means listening as well as talking! Many people are happy talking a lot, often about themselves!
Even if you never quite crack it at Uni (I didn't) you may get more confident as you get older like myself!
Original post by Wimbs
You are not alone in your comment about 'keeping up with conversations.' I felt the same way when I was younger in some social situations. (I went to uni 2000-2003.)
Do you live in Halls or at home? I would imagine that possible flatmates might be your first port of call in terms of friends. Even if you have 'exhausted' your floor for potential friends, try the floors above/below/adjacent, even if it means a bit of cringeworthy door knocking. If you live at home, with the best will in the world you will never get a 'full' University experience.
Your perception that everyone else is making very close friendships is possibly misguided. Males tend to less than females anyway (who can seem very arm-linky etc remarkably quickly.) Many posters state that the people they meet in their first year are not ultimately their best friends.
Sometimes as well accept that being a good friend means listening as well as talking! Many people are happy talking a lot, often about themselves!
Even if you never quite crack it at Uni (I didn't) you may get more confident as you get older like myself!
Do you live in Halls or at home? I would imagine that possible flatmates might be your first port of call in terms of friends. Even if you have 'exhausted' your floor for potential friends, try the floors above/below/adjacent, even if it means a bit of cringeworthy door knocking. If you live at home, with the best will in the world you will never get a 'full' University experience.
Your perception that everyone else is making very close friendships is possibly misguided. Males tend to less than females anyway (who can seem very arm-linky etc remarkably quickly.) Many posters state that the people they meet in their first year are not ultimately their best friends.
Sometimes as well accept that being a good friend means listening as well as talking! Many people are happy talking a lot, often about themselves!
Even if you never quite crack it at Uni (I didn't) you may get more confident as you get older like myself!
Thanks a lot. I live at home, so that is a downside, I suppose, but a fair few people are too.
Either way, I'm glad there are people on the same page. I'm just taking my time.
Original post by Nuclear Ghost
Thanks a lot. I live at home, so that is a downside, I suppose, but a fair few people are too.
Either way, I'm glad there are people on the same page. I'm just taking my time.
Either way, I'm glad there are people on the same page. I'm just taking my time.
Feel in the same boat as you; have quite a few people I can "talk to" but no-one I would consider a close friend. It is annoying as pretty much everyone on my floor is very antisociable too
Hope it gets better for you,I'm sure it will, like others have stated,it just takes time in most cases.
Original post by TheRaspberry
Feel in the same boat as you; have quite a few people I can "talk to" but no-one I would consider a close friend. It is annoying as pretty much everyone on my floor is very antisociable too
Hope it gets better for you,I'm sure it will, like others have stated,it just takes time in most cases.
Hope it gets better for you,I'm sure it will, like others have stated,it just takes time in most cases.
I hope so too. Wishing you luck.
If you don't mind me asking NG, are you living at home for financial reasons or a personal choice (or a bit of both?) You may be lucky and live within walking distance of the town/city centre if you end up on a night out until 3am, otherwise I guess you would either have to drive and not drink or get the last train/bus back (unless you are on a night bus route.)
It would be a gamble, but if you could afford it (and your parents are on board) you could see if there are any spaces in uni accommodation as by now there will be a few dropouts. If you want this of course. Although Freshers has gone it is still early days and some may welcome a new face to what may be 'stagnating' experiences meeting new people. My view is that possibly you won't get the closest friendships without those '4am back to Dave's room' type experiences but others would think living with your peers would be overwhelming, particularly for the socially under-confident (although how do you gain confidence without throwing yourself in there.......)
Or you could always see if you can move into the uni accommodation in your 2nd year! Get a part time job (1st year is 'easy' for most courses) and save up ready? Your fellow hallmates won't care if you are not a 1st year, honest!
It would be a gamble, but if you could afford it (and your parents are on board) you could see if there are any spaces in uni accommodation as by now there will be a few dropouts. If you want this of course. Although Freshers has gone it is still early days and some may welcome a new face to what may be 'stagnating' experiences meeting new people. My view is that possibly you won't get the closest friendships without those '4am back to Dave's room' type experiences but others would think living with your peers would be overwhelming, particularly for the socially under-confident (although how do you gain confidence without throwing yourself in there.......)
Or you could always see if you can move into the uni accommodation in your 2nd year! Get a part time job (1st year is 'easy' for most courses) and save up ready? Your fellow hallmates won't care if you are not a 1st year, honest!
I'm in a similar situation. I'm in my 1st year at uni & live at home which is a 35 min walk or 15min drive away. I'm starting to regret staying at home as I don't go partying like every student should! I have joined societies & clubs and have made a few friends there and on my course although I would feel uncomfortable asking them on a night out because either they're:
i. awkward like I am
ii. ill
iii. too busy with uni work
iv. just don't want to know me.
Was wondering whether to move out into student accommodation perhaps in January or sooner?
Any Thoughts?!
i. awkward like I am
ii. ill
iii. too busy with uni work
iv. just don't want to know me.
Was wondering whether to move out into student accommodation perhaps in January or sooner?
Any Thoughts?!
If you're lonely you could order a bride online 
Original post by Teslamegafan
If you're lonely you could order a bride online
Tried that, a strong German woman, didn't go so well...
Original post by benjamin17
Tried that, a strong German woman, didn't go so well...
Lol I bet she was a fiery dominatrix
because German 
Original post by Wimbs
If you don't mind me asking NG, are you living at home for financial reasons or a personal choice (or a bit of both?) You may be lucky and live within walking distance of the town/city centre if you end up on a night out until 3am, otherwise I guess you would either have to drive and not drink or get the last train/bus back (unless you are on a night bus route.)
It would be a gamble, but if you could afford it (and your parents are on board) you could see if there are any spaces in uni accommodation as by now there will be a few dropouts. If you want this of course. Although Freshers has gone it is still early days and some may welcome a new face to what may be 'stagnating' experiences meeting new people. My view is that possibly you won't get the closest friendships without those '4am back to Dave's room' type experiences but others would think living with your peers would be overwhelming, particularly for the socially under-confident (although how do you gain confidence without throwing yourself in there.......)
Or you could always see if you can move into the uni accommodation in your 2nd year! Get a part time job (1st year is 'easy' for most courses) and save up ready? Your fellow hallmates won't care if you are not a 1st year, honest!
It would be a gamble, but if you could afford it (and your parents are on board) you could see if there are any spaces in uni accommodation as by now there will be a few dropouts. If you want this of course. Although Freshers has gone it is still early days and some may welcome a new face to what may be 'stagnating' experiences meeting new people. My view is that possibly you won't get the closest friendships without those '4am back to Dave's room' type experiences but others would think living with your peers would be overwhelming, particularly for the socially under-confident (although how do you gain confidence without throwing yourself in there.......)
Or you could always see if you can move into the uni accommodation in your 2nd year! Get a part time job (1st year is 'easy' for most courses) and save up ready? Your fellow hallmates won't care if you are not a 1st year, honest!
A bit of both; I didn't want to waste money, and it only takes half an hour to get there. I'm not so inclined to apply for accommodation for these reasons, but if that thought ever hits me, I'll consider it.
'I'm in a similar situation. I'm in my 1st year at uni & live at home which is a 35 min walk or 15min drive away. I'm starting to regret staying at home as I don't go partying like every student should! I have joined societies & clubs and have made a few friends there and on my course although I would feel uncomfortable asking them on a night out because either they're:
i. awkward like I am
ii. ill
iii. too busy with uni work
iv. just don't want to know me.
Was wondering whether to move out into student accommodation perhaps in January or sooner?
Any Thoughts?! '
You could always ask NOW whether anything is free as by now there are dropouts etc. Although you have 'missed' the first few weeks and Freshers in accommodation, chances are you'll soon make friends, in fact you may be a welcome new face just as friendship groups may be beginning to stagnate. A colleague of mine did a similar thing and he had a great time at uni!
i. awkward like I am
ii. ill
iii. too busy with uni work
iv. just don't want to know me.
Was wondering whether to move out into student accommodation perhaps in January or sooner?
Any Thoughts?! '
You could always ask NOW whether anything is free as by now there are dropouts etc. Although you have 'missed' the first few weeks and Freshers in accommodation, chances are you'll soon make friends, in fact you may be a welcome new face just as friendship groups may be beginning to stagnate. A colleague of mine did a similar thing and he had a great time at uni!
'A bit of both; I didn't want to waste money, and it only takes half an hour to get there. I'm not so inclined to apply for accommodation for these reasons, but if that thought ever hits me, I'll consider it. '
However, once you pay your parents rent etc and your commuting costs the difference may not be so great................
I just personally think that you will never get the full experience without living there. However, in your position I would perhaps get a part time job and holiday work if finances would be an issue and ask the uni if you can move into accommodation with first years in your 2nd year, no-one will give a stuff that you are 2nd year and in fact you might even be the 'go to' person in your halls if you know the place!
However, once you pay your parents rent etc and your commuting costs the difference may not be so great................
I just personally think that you will never get the full experience without living there. However, in your position I would perhaps get a part time job and holiday work if finances would be an issue and ask the uni if you can move into accommodation with first years in your 2nd year, no-one will give a stuff that you are 2nd year and in fact you might even be the 'go to' person in your halls if you know the place!
"You could always ask NOW whether anything is free as by now there are dropouts etc. Although you have 'missed' the first few weeks and Freshers in accommodation, chances are you'll soon make friends, in fact you may be a welcome new face just as friendship groups may be beginning to stagnate. A colleague of mine did a similar thing and he had a great time at uni!"
Thanks for your advice. I've contacted the uni and there are still some spare rooms so I'll probably move in in late January.
Thanks for your advice. I've contacted the uni and there are still some spare rooms so I'll probably move in in late January.
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