Sex after marriage?? Struggling with it :/

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Would you purchase a car without a test drive?

denounce your religion and live life how you want it to be, you get one shot - don't live your Mothers life and look back and regret it, the bible has been edited throughout history to meet the needs of the church and its propaganda so whenever someone quotes it its about as reliable as the sun newspaper

Reply 62

Plumstone

Original post by ilovebrownies:D

I'm a Christian, and the whole "don't believe in using contraception" thing is ridiculous. That's one of many man-made rules. However the no sex before marriage is important to me, especially at this point in time. Most people sleep with lots of people, and to a lot it's just meaningless sex. Waiting until marriage means that you've found someone that you truly love, and that relationship isn't based on "how good the sex is". :u:

I understand where you're coming from and of course you are fully entitled to wait until marriage if you want, but there is a big difference between having lots of casual, meaningless sex and waiting until you're married before you have sex.

My boyfriend and I were together for seven or eight months before we had sex; not because of any religious prohibition, but because we wanted to make sure that we were ready to take that next step and that our relationship was built on solid foundations, not just sex.

Part of me knew the night I met him that this was the man I would marry and, five years later, that's still the plan, so I don't see any problem with sharing our love through sex before we tie the knot.

It is possible to have sex in a secure, loving relationship even if you're not married yet and just because someone has sex before they get married, it doesn't mean that they're going to start sleeping around with every man/woman they meet.

Reply 63

Plumstone

Original post by Mankytoes

I don't know if you know how many people, from now and the past, you're saying don't have half a brain... That statement is of course true, the Bible is just stories, but that isn't what Christians think, they actually beleive it's the word of God. If you don't believe in the Bible, I don't see how you can call yourself a Christian.

I meant "you", anyone. I'm not exactly clear on what you consider yourself.

So secular humanism, not religion?

Sadly, I know it's a lot of people.

I find that the people who have spent a lot of time studying the Bible and the history of their religion and really understand it are the ones who are most reasonable and sensible about it. It's the people who just blindly follow the dogma that cause the most trouble.

I'm not entirely sure what I consider myself either - I take part in Christian traditions like Christmas and Easter, but I know that they started off as pagan festivals; I believe in a higher power, but have many issues with the traditional Christian God.

Generally, I try to spend less time worrying about how to categorise myself and more time being a good person.

Reply 64

Crocodylus24.

Original post by Anonymous

Lol at christians who are against the use of contraception

I think this is more relevant to Catholics, who believe sperm should only be used for reproduction.

Reply 65

Mankytoes

Original post by Plumstone

As much as I'm an anti-theist, that group includes Sir Isaac Newton. I don't think I can agree with that statement.

It's difficult for me, because on one hand, obviously it's great we have so many Christians who reject the hatred that has traditionally characterised the movement, and still does in some areas. On the other hand, it's intellectually annoying to me to see the lack of coherance in people just disregarding the bits they don't like.

Well that's hard to object to. But if we don't accept religious authority, we have to work out for ourselves what makes a good person.

Reply 66

JoshDawg

Original post by Anonymous

So I was raised in a christian household, with a very religious mother and a not so religious father. I've not really been much of a religious person myself, up until this summer when I went to a christian camp/festival (Soul survivor, whooooop) when I decided to become more religious. So far, I've encountered two problems:
a) struggling to believe that God really exists. On some level, I think I know he does but it's hard to achieve that kind of blind faith a lot of Christians have. I'm also fairly dubious about the reliability of the bible, but that's not relevant right now. The main issue is:

b) sex after marriage

I mainly feel that saving myself until marriage means that I'm going to be missing out on a whole host of life experiences (well, sex). It it also limits who I can date. Plus, I don't really understand why it's such a big deal? Why on earth would God care about who I screw? Why do christians blindly accept that as a fact just because it was written in the bible, WHICH WASN'T EVEN WRITTEN BY GOD?
I don't know, it just frustrates me. I want to have sex before marriage, but I know that if I do I'll feel really guilty about it (as it is, I have to say a prayer of apology every time I masturbate, because apparently that's also a sin).

So yeah, can somebody help me to understand why sex after marriage is such an important thing?

I believe it was created (sex) for a married man and woman. That was the purpose.

Reply 67

Tooly

Original post by JoshDawg

I believe it was created (sex) for a married man and woman. That was the purpose.

Are animals not allowed to have sex then?

Reply 68

Simes

Original post by JoshDawg

I believe it was created (sex) for a married man and woman. That was the purpose.

What about the non-abrahamic religoin peoples who don't do marriage?

What about the people here who did not do marriage as we now think of it until the 1753 Marriage Act, when people would couple up in informal arrangements?

The modern idea of marriage and the nuclear family and marriage for life is relatively a recent idea.

Reply 69

Anonymous #5

Original post by Anonymous

It's not only about sex... its more than that
whats the purpose of having sex?
to have family
so abviously if u tryna have sex before marriage, u not doing this to have children and in christinanity its all about family
even contraception isnt allowed as u wasting sperm and an egg that makes up a baby
and who knows that the person u having sex with might ditch u afterwards and everyone gonna blame u
so marriage is a compitment and u feel more safe and u can trust ur partner too... coz nowdays pretty much all guys want sex than a pure relationship/love

Sex is to have a family? Ok. No.. it can be just for pleasure. Someone people don't want kids... another thing to bring into this war ridden world. No thanks. I'll let my progeny die with me!

Reply 70

Anonymous #5

Original post by Anonymous

Sex is to have a family? Ok. No.. it can be just for pleasure. Someone people don't want kids... another thing to bring into this war ridden world. No thanks. I'll let my progeny die with me!

Marriage is ****. It's a way to kill your soul. Just be free.

Reply 71

singinggrace

Hey! I went to Soulsurvivor this summer too!! WoOoOHh! :smile:

)
It sounds like a lot of people replying to this thread don't really have much experience beyond GCSE RE as to why Christians often choose not to have sex before marriage (and believe me, this is not coming from a fountain of knowledge either) but I have been a Christian for a couple of years now and I'm just starting to get my head around how we are called to live differently so hopefully I can explain why I have decided to wait.
I guess, as Christians we are called to love radically and that means loving beyond what might seem most "fun" for us at the time or what the world tells us we should be doing. Most of the stuff God tells us in the bible is for our own good and sex before marriage comes into this category because however much society tells us that sex is not a big thing, we as Christians believe that it is -That its a joining of two people that can't be broken.
With that in mind, its probably not a great idea to eternally join with someone that you don't really love and are not going to spend the rest of your life with. Even more so, if you believe that sex is something more than just a casual thing, then it is also going to make breaking up with that person or leaving them even more difficult. I have seen a lot of pain caused as a result of this in friend's and in my own relationships and I know a lot of people who wish that they could get their virginity back or wish that they had waited. As Christians we want to make the world a better place and try and stop people from becoming more broken and hurt, therefore, saving sex for marriage is not just for ourselves but also because we love others and don't want to cause any more hurt and pain to them.
By the way guys, this is purely opinion, and why I myself am not going to do it. I know other Christians probably have other ideas about it that might come across as all about purity and patriarchal rules, however, I think that is where religion in the past has been used to manipulate and control and I honestly can't believe that that is biblical. Of course I'm not preaching and if you are not a Christian, I can see that this might be quite hard to understand or might come across as old fashioned or wishful thinking.
But to the threadstarter- I encourage you to talk more about this with another Christian or like your youth leader or something as they can probably explain better than me. Also, when I was new to Christianity I too found the concept strange and old fashioned. Its taken me a while, talking to lots of people, faith and not faith, to decide for myself and understand the whole waiting thing as God's plan for my own life.

Reply 72

Scopeowner

Original post by Anonymous

Hey hey, hold fire right there... Guys are not the only ones you know with that attitude. Some women ALSO do exactly the same thing, to more or less a similar extent to guys.

Source: many of my best mates experienced women with that attitude.

Reply 73

Simes

Original post by singinggrace

Most of the stuff God tells us in the bible is for our own good and sex before marriage comes into this category because however much society tells us that sex is not a big thing, we as Christians believe that it is -That its a joining of two people that can't be broken.

I distinctly don't remember there being a bit in the bible which says the marriage ceremony comprises two people bonking.

Reply 74

El.Guapo

Original post by Anonymous

From a Christian perspective, I've always found this a bit of a grey area just like homosexuality. As a teenager I had no sex before marriage drummed into me and being rather impressionable at that age I accepted it for the most part. I was also worried about unwanted pregnancies and STDs.

Not everyone has the same level of interest in sex and waiting for marriage or a long-term relationship is harder for many than it is for some. Obviously in biblical times people married much younger and there were less effective means of contraception and preventing STDs. Sex does create strong emotional ties which can cause pain when broken but I think the extent of this varies from person to person. Sex is a very intimate thing and I can see that saving it to share with someone you have special feelings for is important for many. However, I knew some Christian couples who, I think, seemed to rush into marriage simply so that they could have sex. For those that don't find someone they want to marry by a certain age, complete abstinence can cause lots of pent up frustration that, I suspect, may turn them away from Christianity if they're someone with a high sex drive.

For what it's worth I personally tend to think the main guideline should be based on "love your neighbour as you love yourself". For me I guess that means treating the person you are having sex with with love and respect i.e. being open with each other about the level of commitment you have for each other, taking special care to avoid unwanted pregnancies and the transmission of STDs. Whether that's kosher I don't know but it's what I seem to have eventually decided on ...

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 75

Anonymous #6

Original post by Anonymous

To be honest i'm christian myself and i sleep around with any woman i find beautiful. Is it fun? of course it is. But would i do it all over again if i had the choice? nope! Having sex is GREAT but trust me you would get bored after sleeping with beautiful people that you just met in a party or a female friend etc. Once you find someone that you have deep feelings for, someone you find interesting (basically someone you really love), its worth all the wait. I met some girl and i think i'm in love with her. I love talking to her, love beginning around her (everything). The funny thing is that even though i really want to sleep with her, she doesn't ( not yet anyways :wink:

). But i'm sure when the time comes whether we are married or not it would be worth it. I don't think the whole sex before marriage thing is a major deal myself but in some ways i could see why its important. It lets you experience sex with someone you think is special. Anyways If i was in your shoes right now i wouldn't loose my virginity to a total stranger or some jerk i just met. Instead i will loose it to someone i really love and adore. But hey i'm not in your shoes, so do what you think is right.