Is it okay to be angry with him?

I met a guy on my undergrad degree and he seemed really nice - I was on a relatively small course so almost everyone knew everyone and my friends and I got to know him a bit. He was quite sweet to talk to face to face so I fell for him, although I kept this to myself and nothing happened - in any case, because he was nice I wanted to be friends.

Me and my friends would invite him to stuff like the pub, house bbq parties etc and he either just didn't come or said he would then not. It did annoy me that he did this, and in particular he would mess one of my guy friends round doing that. I was charitable and tried not to blame him as his friendship group could be a bit of a 'closed clique' at times. I would see him at parties held by mutual friends and we would talk quite a bit and sometimes he would see me, get excited and go out of his way to talk to me, which is why I didn't just get fed up with him. (although sometimes if he was with his friends he wouldn't).

Moving on a year he had been abroad, found a girlfriend (she lives in a different country to us) and he has settled down in another city. I'll be honest, that did sting a bit but in the meantime I was ill and decided to go under the radar a bit except to my close friends because I didn't want everyone to know how sick I was. When I got better I reconnected with people including him, and tried to started a conversation with him but he just didn't seem interested in even basic 'how have you been'.
I got ill again, and so disappeared again, but I told him what was wrong gave him contact details, so he could still talk to me (he was back home my this point), but he never did.

I don't think I feel angry with him for finding a girlfriend - that isn't his fault and my feelings for him aren't anymore his fault than they are mine. I feel angry because I think he's a crap friend. I feel angry because I have depression and social anxiety so I find it hard, but I really did try, made a big effort with him and he never seemed bothered.

TLDR: I'm not angry because he has a girlfriend, I'm angry that he's a crap friend - is that okay?

What do you all think? Thoughts, advice and similar stories would be much welcomed!

Reply 1

saeed97

Original post by Anonymous

I appreciate your reply, but do you have any useful input?

Fine you asked for it.
You obviously have feelings for him which he doesnt share. He cares not for you and youre mad at him for it. He has a girl friend and isnt too into you. Move on mate, your op gives me an idea on why he doesnt like you that much.

Reply 2

Cremated_Spatula

Tip: Forget about it.

Reply 3

Kevin De Bruyne

Original post by Anonymous

What do you all think? Thoughts, advice and similar stories would be much welcomed!

Yes, he has been a terrible friend and you're finding it a bit difficult because you were into him in the past. If you weren't I suspect you would have given up with someone like that and not bothered to contact them again.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by saeed97

Okay - share that idea.
The issue I have is that he is nice enough face to face, but is just a dismissive person the rest of the time. He messed my guy friend round more than he messed with me to be honest, and back then I was annoyed on my friend's behalf because i just don't take well to that behavior from anyone.
I'm protective of my guy friend and the other guy letting him down did annoy me (hence my feelings for him have somewhat subsided).
I think that my feelings for him were more incidental, however I thought them worth mentioning because they may not necessarily be irrelevant.

Reply 5

samina_ay

Original post by saeed97

Lol

i feel bad for laughing :/ but can't be helped :u:

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Cremated_Spatula

Tip: Forget about it.

Yeh at the moment that's the plan. Ain't got time for people like that in my life! :tongue:

Original post by SeanFM

Yeh because I did until recently have very strong feelings for him, it did hurt. And if I hadn't had those feelings, no I wouldn't have contacted him as I haven't other people who have done that in the past, but it's easy to rose-tint someone you care for. I'm just annoyed and hurt and am trying to work out if its rational to feel that way, or if its because of my emotional difficulties (Anxiety and depression). Thanks so much for your insight :h: