Boyfriends porn addiction and lying.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, we have just finished uni and have an almost one year old son.
Recently, I discovered he was watching porn practically every single night until the early hours of the morning - despite the fact we both have to get up early to look after our baby. Can I make it clear that I have absolutely no problem with watching porn itself - what I do have a problem with is neglecting our sex life and substituting it for porn. I am not prudish and am pretty much up for anything, anytime.
We spoke about it and he agreed to stop watching it for the sake of our relationship.
Now it has been two months since the initial conversation and I have discovered twice that he has lied to me and watched it in secret.
Like I said - I have zero problem with porn and have had many boyfriends in the past who have viewed it. What I hate is the lying, not coming to bed until the early hours of the morning and not sleeping with me. He also has problems with maintaining an erection when we do attempt to have sex and I have no idea how to help him/us.
I am so upset about this and am looking for some advice
Recently, I discovered he was watching porn practically every single night until the early hours of the morning - despite the fact we both have to get up early to look after our baby. Can I make it clear that I have absolutely no problem with watching porn itself - what I do have a problem with is neglecting our sex life and substituting it for porn. I am not prudish and am pretty much up for anything, anytime.
We spoke about it and he agreed to stop watching it for the sake of our relationship.
Now it has been two months since the initial conversation and I have discovered twice that he has lied to me and watched it in secret.
Like I said - I have zero problem with porn and have had many boyfriends in the past who have viewed it. What I hate is the lying, not coming to bed until the early hours of the morning and not sleeping with me. He also has problems with maintaining an erection when we do attempt to have sex and I have no idea how to help him/us.
I am so upset about this and am looking for some advice
Sit him down and have a serious conversation about how this is affecting your sex life and how it makes you feel. If he loves you, he'll try to stop that behaviour
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, we have just finished uni and have an almost one year old son.
Recently, I discovered he was watching porn practically every single night until the early hours of the morning - despite the fact we both have to get up early to look after our baby. Can I make it clear that I have absolutely no problem with watching porn itself - what I do have a problem with is neglecting our sex life and substituting it for porn. I am not prudish and am pretty much up for anything, anytime.
We spoke about it and he agreed to stop watching it for the sake of our relationship.
Now it has been two months since the initial conversation and I have discovered twice that he has lied to me and watched it in secret.
Like I said - I have zero problem with porn and have had many boyfriends in the past who have viewed it. What I hate is the lying, not coming to bed until the early hours of the morning and not sleeping with me. He also has problems with maintaining an erection when we do attempt to have sex and I have no idea how to help him/us.
I am so upset about this and am looking for some advice
Recently, I discovered he was watching porn practically every single night until the early hours of the morning - despite the fact we both have to get up early to look after our baby. Can I make it clear that I have absolutely no problem with watching porn itself - what I do have a problem with is neglecting our sex life and substituting it for porn. I am not prudish and am pretty much up for anything, anytime.
We spoke about it and he agreed to stop watching it for the sake of our relationship.
Now it has been two months since the initial conversation and I have discovered twice that he has lied to me and watched it in secret.
Like I said - I have zero problem with porn and have had many boyfriends in the past who have viewed it. What I hate is the lying, not coming to bed until the early hours of the morning and not sleeping with me. He also has problems with maintaining an erection when we do attempt to have sex and I have no idea how to help him/us.
I am so upset about this and am looking for some advice
Interesting situation. If he is watching porn for many hours a day it's probably gone beyond just titillation, it's a compulsive behaviour like it would be if he had a gambling problem or a drinking problem.
Seeing your GP with him is genuinely the best course of action and they can refer him (or both of you) to a specialist. At this point someone will usually say "If he's unwilling to do that, you should re-assess your relationship" but I think that's bad advice. You had a kid, you really need to know you've done everything you can to work it out, and I don't think that will be the case for some time yet (at least another couple of years).
Some of the guys on this forum are such children.
OP, it could be the reason your boyfriend is watching so much porn is because of his performance problems - it could be a way for him to feel like 'more of a man'. However, the reverse could be equally true. This kind of thing can be very difficult for guys to talk about, so tread lightly. Tell him how you feel about him lying and the way his behaviour is affecting you, but don't be judgmental. Be honest with him, tell him what you expect, and if that fails, it might be worth seeing a professional, but do it together.
OP, it could be the reason your boyfriend is watching so much porn is because of his performance problems - it could be a way for him to feel like 'more of a man'. However, the reverse could be equally true. This kind of thing can be very difficult for guys to talk about, so tread lightly. Tell him how you feel about him lying and the way his behaviour is affecting you, but don't be judgmental. Be honest with him, tell him what you expect, and if that fails, it might be worth seeing a professional, but do it together.
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