Discuss: The benefits and risks of a girl asking a guy out?

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Thank you. I do put in quite a lot of effort in making these posts.

But my main point is, don't be too serious and logical about anything. Too much thought and everything will look robotic and calculated, the very antithesis of love and affection.

Yeah I can see that haha. Yeah that's true..my cousin has asked a guy out who seemed very interested in her and he rejected her. It was shocking for me and her friends because we were all 100% convinced that he liked her..she took some time to get over it and now will never try again. So that kind of put me off because I guess guys are harder to read than I thought but I think one day I'd like to try it for myself.

Reply 41

sparklenshine

Original post by nverjvlev

At the end of the day, if a guy tried to enforce gender roles here and judges you for being a girl and asking him out, he's probably not the guy for you. If not, you have your standard pros and cons for anyone asking anyone out - either you end up dating, you end up not being friends anymore or you continue being friends and eventually move past this.

Yeah that's true. The problem is I myself constantly enforce gender roles and am quite traditional. I always believed strongly that it was the guy's job. I'd drop hints if anything but not more than that. But of late, I've thought about it more, and I realised that I guess I'd rather go for a guy I am really interested in and have more control over that aspect of my life than just hoping he comes my way. I actually am quite surprised I've become more open minded about this. A month ago I would have never considered it lol

Reply 42

sparklenshine

Original post by LeyK

Why does the thread title sound (or look, for the grammar police here :wink:

)
like it's a generally bad thing for a girl to ask a guy out???

Spoiler

It isn't. I wish I could be like others who do it. I've been around girls who have and their confidence has amazed me and left me in awe lol. I've always just been really traditional and I always assume if a guy doesn't come to me he isn't interested or just isn't right for me. I've never done anything about it but I want more control now I guess.

Reply 43

sparklenshine

Original post by bluemax

If you like someone just ask them out. I know you want to be asked out but its OKAY if the girl approaches. I'm a guy and I've been approached 2-3 times and I'm no model. If you like someone just give it a shot. Not every date will lead to a relationship. Some people experience early and some late. There is no shame or 'missing out' or gone 'past the age'

I know it is but for me it's taking a lot of time to accept that. Some days I think I'll just approach a guy one day, and the next day I scoff at the idea. I like the idea of it but it also seems out of character for me. But one day I'd like to try..and more than rejection I just don't want to be led on by a bored guy who just went with it. About your last point, that's true, thanks.

Reply 44

sparklenshine

Original post by william walker

No wonder you rejected me before. You are really hot. :smile:

Thanks

but its such a small picture so how can you be sure? And sorry when did I reject you?

Reply 45

sparklenshine

Original post by Student403

Well I don't think that's a risk limited to the 'girl-asking-out-guy' thing. I think if it's going to happen, it will happen regardless of who initiated things. Plus, if the guy is the kind of person who would do that, I'm sure it could be judged beforehand.

In most cases yes but my cousin got a lot of signs from a guy she liked that he liked her back but when she mustered the courage to ask him he rejected her.

Reply 46

sparklenshine

Original post by hektik

I'll be honest, I don't know. I'd recommend doing it in person. If you get the chance alone together and you're having fun, try to ask him then. Don't wait for the perfect moment, it won't come. Pick a good moment, and even if you're anxious, push through. Otherwise I'm not sure.

Good advice thanks

Reply 47

Alexion

I'd say the success rate for girls asking out guys is probably a lot higher than for the vice versa.

Reply 48

william walker

Original post by sparklenshine

Thanks

but its such a small picture so how can you be sure? And sorry when did I reject you?

I have looked at the bigger photo on your profile. :smile:

In the photo I love your hair and you have a nice smile. :smile:

When I was emailing you and sent you a photo of me, then you didn't reply. Then my email got blocked. :redface:

Reply 49

sparklenshine

Original post by william walker

I have looked at the bigger photo on your profile. :smile:

In the photo I love your hair and you have a nice smile. :smile:

When I was emailing you and sent you a photo of me, then you didn't reply. Then my email got blocked. :redface:

You're sweet. Omg I'm so sorry I definitely did not intentionally ignore your email. I must have thought I replied. I liked talking to you and you gave me great advice. :smile:

Reply 50

sparklenshine

Original post by shawn_o1

"Hey, [insert name here], are you up for a [your date idea] with me"? When you have seen said person enough times and you think he feels the same way, that's when you ask. Make your date idea not too cliched and not too complicated at the same time :smile:

It's how you react to the rejection that determines how "embarrassing" it is imo.

Yeah what do you think is the best reaction/ response a girl can give after being rejected? What could she say/do that would make her seem chill about it?

Reply 51

william walker

Original post by sparklenshine

You're sweet. Omg I'm so sorry I definitely did not intentionally ignore your email. I must have thought I replied. I liked talking to you and you gave me great advice. :smile:

Yeah and I know. That is all I will ever be. Someone who is sweet and gives great advice. :h:

Reply 52

shawn_o1

Original post by sparklenshine

Yeah what do you think is the best reaction/ response a girl can give after being rejected? What could she say/do that would make her seem chill about it?

Try not to overthink it and focus on something else in your life. The busier you are with things you genuinely enjoy, the less the rejection will hurt.
I don't think you have to say anything, just acknowledge his response and walk away :smile:

Reply 53

sparklenshine

Original post by william walker

Yeah and I know. That is all I will ever be. Someone who is sweet and gives great advice. :h:

That's a good thing though, right? :smile:

Reply 54

sparklenshine

Original post by shawn_o1

I like what you said in the first part..that's really true. I know when I first started my PhD I was so happy I didn't care about anything else..then it got too monotonous for me and I started thinking about all of these other problems haha.

What would be the best way to acknowledge his response? Say ok that's fine and then walk away or just smile and nod etc?

Reply 55

Anonymous #1

If I was a guy I'd feel kind of weird about it, but it all depends on the guy I assume. If he's shy he might appreciate it.

Reply 56

shawn_o1

Original post by sparklenshine

both. "Ok, that's fine" with a smile and nod, then walk away.

Reply 57

william walker

Original post by sparklenshine

That's a good thing though, right? :smile:

It is a good thing for other people. It is good that I am like that. However in the end nobody ever actually wants me, they just want my advice and me to say sweet things to them. :smile:

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 58

LeyK

Original post by sparklenshine

Sounds like you just need a confidenve boost :smile:

How good are you at keeping promises (espesh your own ones)??

Reply 59

sparklenshine

Original post by william walker

It is a good thing for other people. It is good that I am like that. However in the end nobody ever actually wants me, they just want my advice and me to say sweet things to them. :smile:

How do you know that? If someone is nice then I'd want them to be in my life in some way and if they felt the same way about me then we'd be lucky :smile: