Selfish or taking care of yourself, where is the limit?

This is something that I struggle with quite a lot.

I try to support people as much as I can, but there are times when I am not able to do so. Whether that is because I am busy, not feeling too good myself or whatever, but there have been times where I will still offer support because I don't want to come across as a dick. If someone is struggling and they have come to me for support then I feel really bad if I don't offer them something. If I decided to ignore them, what kind of person does that make me?

A lot is about self care, how do you expect to help others if you aren't in such a good place yourself, but being able to put this across to others in a nice way is pretty impossible (for me anyway). A lot of people will just stop replying to the person and then they will get the message (sometimes), but that is not the way to do it.

Thank you

If you have to ignore to sort yourself out for once I don't see the problem! You need to take care of yourself once in a while and there is nothing wrong with that. If you are worried that they will get upset just tell them you have stuff going on right now and that you need a little time to sort yourself out, I'm sure if they're rational they will understand! take care hun

Idk if this sounds weird, but whenever I'm down and I see someone in need of help, I put what's getting me down to the back of my mind and help them as normal. The satisfaction makes me happier and helps me get over the stuff that got me down. Thus I've found that, whenever you help people, you're helping yourself too.

Obviously it's best to be as positive as possible, but the above works on those not-so-good days

This is something that I struggle with quite a lot.

I try to support people as much as I can, but there are times when I am not able to do so. Whether that is because I am busy, not feeling too good myself or whatever, but there have been times where I will still offer support because I don't want to come across as a dick. If someone is struggling and they have come to me for support then I feel really bad if I don't offer them something. If I decided to ignore them, what kind of person does that make me?

A lot is about self care, how do you expect to help others if you aren't in such a good place yourself, but being able to put this across to others in a nice way is pretty impossible (for me anyway). A lot of people will just stop replying to the person and then they will get the message (sometimes), but that is not the way to do it.

Thank you

I think you just have to be quite firm with people, whether it sounds nice to them or not. If there's one thing my breakdown in Oxford and subsequent mental health problems taught me it's that you must ALWAYS ALWAYS put yourself first, no matter how selfish may seem or how big the other person's problems are. You must NEVER put anyone or anything before your own needs

So whether it's a matter of ignoring someone, shutting a conversation down abruptly or saying "I'm really sorry but I can't deal with this right now and need to focus on myself", you've just gotta do what you've gotta do. That way, in long run, you will be able ot provide better help to more people. You can't put others first if you end up burnt out (like me) or (worst case scenario) dead because you have prioritised others for too long

So just say no in future. However it may seem, a good friend (or at least someone worth still talking to) will understand and at least try not to take it to heart Someone who insists on having your attention and who demands it even if you are not well enough to give it, is possibly toxic and not worth keeping in touch with anyway

I find it hard to be firm. I know it is really important and something I need to do, my own health should definitely come before other people. I still disagree with ignoring others as a result, I always just tell them that I will talk in a few days or whenever. It seems like loads of people are happy with ignoring though.

I agree, definitely. It's something I need to learn. I tend to get too involved with people and then just get hurt because I expect others to think like me, but that isn't the case.