He rejected me but told me I was really pretty?

This has happened twice now where Im hanging out with a guy and the 'talk' happens and he says he doesn't really want a a relationship because of where he is in life etc etc but emphasises that I'm really pretty, prettier than other girls blah blah :confused:

It just feels a bit ingenuine, are they just trying to make me feel better after rejecting me and/or trying to alleviate their own guilt? Of course they have the right to reject me but what even is the point in saying that after turning me down?

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Reply 1

username677182

When you say 'the talk', please elaborate? Are these guys you are dating or are they friends or something else?

Perhaps you're wanting a relationship too much and that could be shining through, bright like a diamond.

Reply 2

karl pilkington

to make you feel better about being rejected obviously

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by AdRiAnRsT

I have done what he has done before with a girl who i was seeing but my work got in the way, i cared about her and thought she was really attractive but i had to tell her the truth that i couldnt be with her, i told her that i found her attractive purely becuase i wanted her to know that so she knew i thought that way and to make the rejection a little less harsh

Just curious, could you not be with her because of work or were there other things about her that put you off it going further? What about work was it that meant you couldn't be with her e.g. lack of time?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Vikki1805

Not really the talk but more like 'what are you looking for'. And wouldn't really describe it as dating, more like a flirtation/very early dating .

Yeah that might play a factor tbh, I don't have a huge amount of experience in dealing with these things so could have come across as wanting a relationship too badly. I just want to make sure they know I don't just want to only hook up is all.

Reply 5

username677182

Original post by Anonymous

You don't need a relationship, but when you meet someone worth having a relationship with, it'll come naturally.
Try to worry less about titling it and just enjoy it. See where things go, rather than jumping to the 'What are you looking for?!' stage, that could scare your chances away!

Life is short, worry less and enjoy! :cute:

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Vikki1805

Haha true, most of the time things don't work out so it makes no sense to force things and it makes it better when that special one comes along!

I should add that both times the guy brought up the 'what are you looking for' conversation though, does that change things a bit?

Reply 7

yoda123

Wow tbh this is exactly what I said to the last person I turned down. I was being sincere though, she was totally someone I would date but I didn't want to be in a relationship

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by yoda123

Wow tbh this is exactly what I said to the last person I turned down. I was being sincere though, she was totally someone I would date but I didn't want to be in a relationship

Just out of curiosity, how comes you didn't want to be in a relationship? :smile:

Reply 9

Josb

Original post by Anonymous

Just out of curiosity, how comes you didn't want to be in a relationship? :smile:

When you know you will have to move in the coming months.

Reply 10

yoda123

Original post by Anonymous

Just out of curiosity, how comes you didn't want to be in a relationship? :smile:

I have a lot going on right now so I feel I wouldn't be a good boyfriend and we'd end up breaking up with each other anyway. A good relationship requires time and emotional investment. She deserves better. A friend of mine was with a girl and it was obvious he was purely in it for sex. When she started getting "clingy" he started avoiding her and that's pretty harsh. I think that when I start university next year I would be more open to being in a relationship

Also (I think a lot of guys go through this), a tiny bit afraid of commitment.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by yoda123

Ahh okay I see, so you cared about her but didn't think you could give her what she wanted i.e. time and emotional investment? If the circumstances ha been different would you have dated her?

Ohh that doesn't sound too great :/ Can you give examples of her clingy behaviour? I'm always worried I might come across that way but I never really understand what guys mean by clingy.

See i get that guys are a bit hesitant to commit compared to girls, but I also get told often that it's less that guys are afraid of commitment or have commitment problems, and more that although they might like you, they don't like you enough to commit; do you think this is true?

Reply 12

Ya Dunno

Original post by Anonymous

I don't want to hurt your feelings, so best I keep the truth to myself.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by Ya Dunno

I don't want to hurt your feelings, so best I keep the truth to myself.

What truths could be so hurtful that you'd rather not say :s-smilie:

Surely it's better to be honest?

Reply 14

babydrake

If he is not telling you yes, he is saying no.
he just not that into you

Reply 15

Ya Dunno

Original post by Anonymous

What truths could be so hurtful that you'd rather not say :s-smilie:

Surely it's better to be honest?

Why would someone find you so attractive yet not want to be with you in the long run.

I know men that have hectic careers yet still find time for an emerging relationship.

It just seems they might have been lying, or maybe they really don't want a relationship due to their circumstances, who knows?

Reply 16

yoda123

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah i mean its pretty unfair if the relationship is one-sided. Definitely if I meet her in a couple of years and we're both single I would ask her out. Maybe i had known her for ages and I was actually in love with her I would have said yes straight away. Its complicated

From what i've been told, she was constantly texting him and complaining that they don't spend enough time together. Also whenever he replied, she would reply instantly like she had been waiting for him. To be fair to him, at the start he did say he didn't want a proper relationship but that never works, it always gets complicated. Another friend's gf wouldn't let him go to parties without her because she didnt trust him.

Yeah I think at late teens/early 20s a lot of guys want all the benefits of a relationship without the drama and the responsibilities. I think that's a big part of why a lot of women like older men since younger guys generally dont take relationships as seriously as women do.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 17

*Deidre*

Most of the time, if a guy likes you...you just know. There is no 'talk' needed. Plenty of guys who probably would want to date you and such. Don't worry about those that reject you, although it can be easy to believe the negative, than the positive. It's not a reflection on you, or them really. It just means that there are others that might be better suited for you. :smile:

Reply 18

username677182