Housemate from Hell!
Im currently a second year uni student living in a shared house. I get on with all but one of the people I am living with, however this person is insufferable to live with!
Every morning I am woken my the ping of the house's group chat with a complaint about the state of the house. Apparently 2 dishes being left over night and a few crumbs on the countertop warrants the use of the word "disgusting". This I can live with because its easily ignored and at times funny to laugh at.
However, we live in a house where all bills are included, so we don't have to pay unless we go over the limit which is relatively high given the fact that its a house of seven, were only 4 members of the house are actually there all week round, with 2 actually never being in the house. Despite this she is extremely tight on the usage of heating (the only thing she can control usage of). Every time I turn on the heating it is questioned. Below are a list of examples she has used as reasons why the heating isn't needed:
1. Its the middle of the day (it was 11am)
2. Its not that cold (it was 7 degrees outside, 14 degrees inside)
3. She wasn't cold, so therefore no one else could be!
4. We need to save the heating for December, January and February.
This is frustrating at the best of times and i struggle to understand why she is so tight with bill given the fact WE DONT HAVE TO PAY THEM!
Additionally, her boyfriend practically lives here too thus making her argument slightly hypocritical given the fact that between them they probably use the most bills in the house.
Sorry for the long post, needed to let it all out! Any advice on how to approach the situation of telling her to wise the **** up!!!
Every morning I am woken my the ping of the house's group chat with a complaint about the state of the house. Apparently 2 dishes being left over night and a few crumbs on the countertop warrants the use of the word "disgusting". This I can live with because its easily ignored and at times funny to laugh at.
However, we live in a house where all bills are included, so we don't have to pay unless we go over the limit which is relatively high given the fact that its a house of seven, were only 4 members of the house are actually there all week round, with 2 actually never being in the house. Despite this she is extremely tight on the usage of heating (the only thing she can control usage of). Every time I turn on the heating it is questioned. Below are a list of examples she has used as reasons why the heating isn't needed:
1. Its the middle of the day (it was 11am)
2. Its not that cold (it was 7 degrees outside, 14 degrees inside)
3. She wasn't cold, so therefore no one else could be!
4. We need to save the heating for December, January and February.
This is frustrating at the best of times and i struggle to understand why she is so tight with bill given the fact WE DONT HAVE TO PAY THEM!
Additionally, her boyfriend practically lives here too thus making her argument slightly hypocritical given the fact that between them they probably use the most bills in the house.
Sorry for the long post, needed to let it all out! Any advice on how to approach the situation of telling her to wise the **** up!!!
Does her boyfriend pay any bills? How often is he over? Does he have his own place?
What can you say? In groupings, relationship complexity increases geometrically. One thing's for sure: these kinds of situations tend to get worse, not better.
I would try to have a house meeting to decide policies, to air things and create some peer pressure so she knows where everyone stands. Otherwise, I bet it will teach you tolerance.
I would try to have a house meeting to decide policies, to air things and create some peer pressure so she knows where everyone stands. Otherwise, I bet it will teach you tolerance.
She needs to understand that if she lives in a student house, it's not going to be keep clean all the time. In fact, it's the same for every house she'll share. It's not as if there's a stack of dirty dishes being kept there for weeks, is it?
Her definition of cold isn't the same as everyone elses.
You need to call a meeting I think.
Her definition of cold isn't the same as everyone elses.
You need to call a meeting I think.
Original post by SeanFM
Does her boyfriend pay any bills? How often is he over? Does he have his own place?
We don't pay bills, its included in our rent (but theres a cap and if we go over it we pay the excess). He is over nearly everyday. I don't mind him being there because we get on, its just when she complains about the bills its frustrating cause she has an extra person living there. He has a house down the road, but she never goes there... unfortunately.
Original post by OU Student
She needs to understand that if she lives in a student house, it's not going to be keep clean all the time. In fact, it's the same for every house she'll share. It's not as if there's a stack of dirty dishes being kept there for weeks, is it?
Her definition of cold isn't the same as everyone elses.
You need to call a meeting I think.
Her definition of cold isn't the same as everyone elses.
You need to call a meeting I think.
There has never been more than a few dishes left for more than a day. I actually think my parents house has been dirtier that this house. She's literally and OCD freak!
We've tried house meetings but the impact is only seen for at most a few days.
It's been like this for me last year... And I was living with only one other guy (both of us funded PhD students, so same income, which is decent for us as we live in a cheap area). You would have thought we could get an agreement between the two of us, but we couldn't. Our bills weren't included in the rent, but they were cheap - we are looking at less than 40£ of gas (heating + hot water) per month in winter months (nov to feb), 20£ per month the rest of the year.
I was being very frugal with heating (on for 4 hours a day, thermostat set on 20°c and maximum temperature of heating on "low"
. This means that the inside temperature was around 13°c when the heating went on, and 18°c when it went off after 4 hours, at least in my room which is the coldest of the house (the thermostat is in the kitchen which is the warmest room though). Still, he said that my usage of the heating wasn't reasonable and he wanted the heating on only 2 hours per day.
I don't even think it was entirely about the money, I offered to cover more than half of the bill, and he could chip in whatever he thought reasonable; just to stop the arguments, but he didn't agree to that. He just wanted the heating off for some matter of principle.
This is just to say that sometimes people ARE unreasonable. Maybe we all are, just about different things, who knows. There is nothing you can do, just turn the heating on when it's cold (trying to be reasonable about it), and let her talk if she wants. If it becomes an actual problem (if she abuses you, or turns it off without telling you) speak to the landlord.
I was being very frugal with heating (on for 4 hours a day, thermostat set on 20°c and maximum temperature of heating on "low"
. This means that the inside temperature was around 13°c when the heating went on, and 18°c when it went off after 4 hours, at least in my room which is the coldest of the house (the thermostat is in the kitchen which is the warmest room though). Still, he said that my usage of the heating wasn't reasonable and he wanted the heating on only 2 hours per day. I don't even think it was entirely about the money, I offered to cover more than half of the bill, and he could chip in whatever he thought reasonable; just to stop the arguments, but he didn't agree to that. He just wanted the heating off for some matter of principle.
This is just to say that sometimes people ARE unreasonable. Maybe we all are, just about different things, who knows. There is nothing you can do, just turn the heating on when it's cold (trying to be reasonable about it), and let her talk if she wants. If it becomes an actual problem (if she abuses you, or turns it off without telling you) speak to the landlord.
Original post by Arieh
I was being very frugal with heating (on for 4 hours a day, thermostat set on 20°c and maximum temperature of heating on "low". This means that the inside temperature was around 13°c when the heating went on, and 18°c when it went off after 4 hours, at least in my room which is the coldest of the house (the thermostat is in the kitchen which is the warmest room though). Still, he said that my usage of the heating wasn't reasonable and he wanted the heating on only 2 hours per day.
I was being very frugal with heating (on for 4 hours a day, thermostat set on 20°c and maximum temperature of heating on "low"
. This means that the inside temperature was around 13°c when the heating went on, and 18°c when it went off after 4 hours, at least in my room which is the coldest of the house (the thermostat is in the kitchen which is the warmest room though). Still, he said that my usage of the heating wasn't reasonable and he wanted the heating on only 2 hours per day.The fact I am actually envious of that level of heating probably isn't great. In the past month i have worked out that the heating has been turned on for 13.5 hours. When the heatings not on the house is around 14.5 degrees and because she turns off the heating every time after an hour, without fail, the house only gets to around 16.5 degrees. This is the temperature of ground floor and I have the attic bedroom in a poorly insulated house, so as you can imagine its not ideal! haha
Were going to have to do something as its getting to the stage where were now in single figure temperatures, and I'm not okay with being eternally cold, because she's a psycho bitch! (dramatising slightly obvs)
Maybe with the heating you could just suggest that if you go over your usage cap she doesn't have to pay towards it? Not ideal but then she can't complain and if you don't think it will lead to costing money it doesn't matter
nothing you can do about cleanliness, in every student flat there is someone who makes a mess and someone who moans about it, if meetings haven't helped you just need to ignore her
and FYI it could be much much much worse
nothing you can do about cleanliness, in every student flat there is someone who makes a mess and someone who moans about it, if meetings haven't helped you just need to ignore her
and FYI it could be much much much worse
Thought another new Channel 5 documentary was on tonight when I read the title.
When it comes to the plates, just say (but only if it isnt filthy because if it is, that's unreasonable) 'everyone has different standards of cleanliness, it isnt filthy or growing mould, so I will be cleaning it ...... If you find this unacceptable you are welcome to clean it earlier.'
Although as for crumbs - is it really that difficult for you to wipe down the side if you're done cooking? I can understand leaving plates neatly at the side, but it isnt nice to have to work on a kitchen top full of crumbs and sauce puddles because someone is too lazy to do a 1 second wipe over with a sponge.
As for the heating, get a heater for your room that runs of the electric. **** her nonsense
From someone who also cant stand the cold and had to live in an icebox last year.
Although as for crumbs - is it really that difficult for you to wipe down the side if you're done cooking? I can understand leaving plates neatly at the side, but it isnt nice to have to work on a kitchen top full of crumbs and sauce puddles because someone is too lazy to do a 1 second wipe over with a sponge.
As for the heating, get a heater for your room that runs of the electric. **** her nonsense
From someone who also cant stand the cold and had to live in an icebox last year.
(edited 8 years ago)
I agree with kunoichi above. Get a heater for your own room, and keep out of her way. She has her boyfriend keeping her warm (although I wouldn't point that out to her directly, unless you make a joke out of it!) With any luck she will spend more time at his place, or move in with him completely. I don't feel it is unreasonable to have a level-headed agreement regarding dishes and general cleanliness.
Original post by Flipper6124
The fact I am actually envious of that level of heating probably isn't great. In the past month i have worked out that the heating has been turned on for 13.5 hours. When the heatings not on the house is around 14.5 degrees and because she turns off the heating every time after an hour, without fail, the house only gets to around 16.5 degrees. This is the temperature of ground floor and I have the attic bedroom in a poorly insulated house, so as you can imagine its not ideal! haha
Were going to have to do something as its getting to the stage where were now in single figure temperatures, and I'm not okay with being eternally cold, because she's a psycho bitch! (dramatising slightly obvs)
Were going to have to do something as its getting to the stage where were now in single figure temperatures, and I'm not okay with being eternally cold, because she's a psycho bitch! (dramatising slightly obvs)
I was in a similar situation at Uni, got to the stage where a glass of water literally froze on my windowsill (inside not out!) - I just bought an electric heater for my room an cranked it on full whenever I was in. Cost everyone else a lot more than having the heating on would have, but hey ho, their choice for being so unreasonable.
Original post by redferry
I was in a similar situation at Uni, got to the stage where a glass of water literally froze on my windowsill (inside not out!) - I just bought an electric heater for my room an cranked it on full whenever I was in. Cost everyone else a lot more than having the heating on would have, but hey ho, their choice for being so unreasonable.
I was able to see my breath in my room over the weekend so Ive given up and resorted to buying a heater and turning on the heating when she's out at uni.
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