I DON'T want to have have Asperger's!

Hi all. I'd rather stay Anonymous if that's okay?

I am 24 years old. I have a few Aspie traits (can be a bit obsessive and I don't like looking people in the face) but nobody ever mentioned Asperger's until after I developed a serious anxiety disorder.

I believe that a lot of my quirks/issues have been caused by my anxiety, not because I'm "on the spectrum". Before I developed this anxiety disorder I was sociable and fairly outgoing, but after 6 year of agoraphobia my personality has changed a lot, for the worse.

I've been asked to have an Asperger's assessment and I really don't want to. I don't want to be an Aspie, they scare me. I want to be normal, is that wrong? I hope that doesn't offend anyone... but I could use some advice / support. :frown:

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Having a diagnosis will not change who you are! You are still you and always will be.
To be honest if you have never really noticed it too much/ been concerned about it before I wouldn't be too worried. You may still have it (I couldn't say and wouldn't want to try), but if you do I expect it would be on the lower end of the spectrum to have gone unnoticed for so long. You usually hear about the extremes of any conditions and that is probably where your fears come from.
Of course you don't have to go if you don't want to. I always find it helpful to know exactly what I am dealing with, but if you really don't want to you don't NEED a diagnosis.

Story time:
I was terrified just as you are when I was being "tested" for OCD. I didn't want to be like "one of them". I knew they were still people deep down, but because of all of the exaggerations I had been learning from they sounded like some sort of alien race to me almost. I suppose I was probably quite worried about how others would see me too. If I was diagnosed would people see me as some sort of alien?

Turns out I have OCD and it comes in many different severities. I have a lower severity than a lot of people and the higher end of the spectrum still seems a little confusing to me, but now I know that it's not as crazy and alien as I had been led to believe. It's natural to be scared by things you don't understand, especially when you hear so much crazy stuff about it, but that doesn't mean you should be scared. Just wait and see what happens. It may take some time to get used to if you are diagnosed, but if you are you will start to find out that it's not such a scary thing.

It isn't wrong for you to want to be normal, but normal is a very subjective idea. Learning disabilities are seen as being abnormal a lot of the time, but it's just a different way of thinking. Because it is a minority people assume it is bad, but it isn't. It can be difficult, but it does not make you abnormal or strange or alien. It just makes you a little bit more unique, like dark skin or ginger hair. You are an individual, just like everybody else.

[ I seriously hope I do not cause any offence by any of the words I have used. I do not believe them, but since I am discussing it I have no real way to avoid them and still make sense.]

Whatever happens just make sure you are getting support. :smile:

Reply 2

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

A very similar thing happened to me. It made me unhappy at the time but then I realised that I was still the person that I thought I was but just that I could now understand myself and my needs better. It might be a bit of a shock at first to realise that for a long time you have had a condition and didn't know about but you will get used to the idea. I didn't actually end up having the assessment because my anxiety improved greatly and so I no longer needed the support but I do now have a better understanding of my own psyche.

Ultimately having or not having (as the testing may well indicate) Asperger's doesn't define you. Many of the greatest brains in the world have faced some difficulties but they are still great. There are support networks out there and many websites which offer guidance at what is an inevitably difficult time. The fact that these exist should reassure you, many people with diagnoses also don't want to be diagnosed because they are people, just like everyone else, who want to understand themselves outside a clinical capacity. Just remember, getting the diagnosis could help you a great deal and getting a diagnosis doesn't change who you are or how anyone worth bothering about will see you...! I hope that you manage to come to terms with it soon, from my experience many things which seem like the end of the world can end up being a blessing. :smile:

Reply 3

Tiger Rag

You may not even have Aspergers. There's no point panicking.

Reply 4

Findlay6

I have Asperger's but I don't let it phase me, in fact I don't feel like it affects my life negatively at all.

Yeah okay, I struggle to give eye-contact but people don't seem to notice (I was a counseller too! so it hasn't hindered my career). I'd rather stay in that go out, and get bored of social interaction quite quickly - but that's okay and I'm happy with that. I know that I have friends who understand and who can come over whenever.

I'm blunt and fail to pick up social cues, have been called socially awkward but again, it's okay - I don't even notice it, it effects people around me more than me.

The test is literally a likert scale, you can fudge it if you want to.

Just remember that you're not defined by any label you have. You are what you make yourself. Being on the ASD spectrum doesn't mean you're stupid, in fact a lot of "us" are very intelligent and successful people.

Reply 5

EmmaLouise759

Hello

Firstly, everyone is on the autistic spectrum, it's just the way the scale works so to some extent, everyone has autism.

The fact of the matter is, if you have autism, not being diagnosed isn't going to make it go away. It's going to be there whether you ignore it or not, so it's best to make sure that if they do decide you have aspergers, you can get the help you need.

There's a lot of stigma behind aspergers, but I've known quite a few people with it over the years, and they're just normal human beings like the rest of us. In fact, I often find them to be very caring and accepting people. Don't get sucked into thinking you'll become an outcast who loses the ability to talk to humans, that's not going to happen. :wink:

You're going to be absolutely fine. :h:

Reply 6

Tiger Rag

Original post by EmmaLouise759

Hello

Firstly, everyone is on the autistic spectrum, it's just the way the scale works so to some extent, everyone has autism.

No they don't. And it's an insult to those of us who actually have to suggest otherwise.

Reply 7

EmmaLouise759

Original post by OU Student

No they don't. And it's an insult to those of us who actually have to suggest otherwise.

I'm sorry if I offended you in any way. However, I was in a relationship with someone with aspergers for over a year, and i knew him for over half of my life. In that time I met quite a few of his friends who also had aspergers and did a lot of research on the subject. It is widely known that everyone is on the autistic spectrum and to some extent, has autistic traits. I am aware that there is a border between being classed as having autism and not having autism. However, my point was that to some extent we all have some form of autism due to the boundary being significantly subjective.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 8

Nathanielle

Original post by Anonymous

1) At the end it is you, who chooses, whether he likes to get a diagnosis or not. Though of course, for getting help in the way of therapy, etc., you need one.
2) It is not, that only because you get tested for it, you have it. You often go through some tests to rule a diagnoses out or not, because depending on the diagnosis, you will have dofferent needs towards a therapy. Though a therapy is often tailored to the patient, to be fair. And an assesment for Autism isn't a short thing, often they will take your past into account, it does has to fit and Autism is presented in way more symptoms, than just "not looking in the eyes". A good point would be also, to sit down for yourself, think about what problems you have, what you think may cause them (not in terms of diagnosis, but how it does affect you, how you feel, etc.) and how the symptoms affect your life and then talk about that with the specialist/GP you are seeing.

Reply 9

markovchain17

im a bit the same my mum and dad think I have aspergers or summat but I think most of my traits were caused by anxiety and depression nd I don't think i have aspergers cus Im pretty sure u have aspergers when ur born nd i was a normal kid but then like i said anxiety n depression happened now im like an aspie

Reply 10

Katty3

Original post by Anonymous

The day I got diagnosed with dyspraxia was one of the best days of my life. I was a bit worried about going into the assessment, but finding out why I am different, and why I struggle so much to do the simple things that most people take for granted was amazing.

It is nothing to be scared of. You will still be you. An assessment will tell you whether or not you have aspergers. It is the key to some potentially life changing support.

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Reply 11

Smonnie

Original post by Anonymous

You should go - but don't stress the outcome. You're still you, and you're still awesome either way.

Reply 12

Katty3

Original post by Metakl

Hahaha lol **** psychs. Yes aspies are generally idiotic people, not sure if they were born that way or made that way by therapists and psychologists.

Don't obsess over **** and be social.

There you don't have aspergers. Or just show your therapists these traits. I don't know I don't like therapists it's all too much pseudo science-ish for me.

Autism has very little to do with intelligence.

That is utterly useless advice.

Autism is lifelong. If you have it, your
Will always have it.

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(edited 8 years ago)