I miss her.

First off, this is going to be a long post and I don't even know if this is the right place to post it either. It's probably a little different to all the others here too.

A very close friend of mine passed away pretty recently, she was 24.

We had known each other for less than a year (met at Uni), but I thought she was amazing in every way. As we grew closer and closer, we started to share more and more about each other and became really good friends quickly. It got to the stage of both of us confessing that we had slightly stronger feelings for each other.

At the time we were both in relationships and neither of us would ever have cheated, we said that we'd like to be together in the future (both feeling a little distant from our respective SO's). We kept speaking after that too.

Then I found out that she had died of an OD. I still don't know if it was accidental or not. She had depression and was on anti-depressants, but I hadn't ever known that she was going to take her own life and I just can't accept that it wasn't accidental (I don't want to know either way).

What makes matters worse is that I was truly starting to fall in love with her, and I never was able to tell her. I have so many regrets about that and about so many other things I wanted to do with her that I will now never be able to.

I know that nothing can be done now, but my mind keeps wandering into 'What If?' scenarios, such as what if we had started going out, or what if I was able to speak to her just before it happened. I could have helped and saved her.

I'm completely heartbroken and my family and friends don't quite understand it. And if this is the way I am feeling, I can't even begin to imagine how her family is feeling.

Ever since I heard the news, I've been really really down and can't seem to cheer myself up. I've alwas been quite rational, so I know it should end eventually, but I just feel so useless and hopeless.

I miss her more than I could ever put into words. I miss her pulling me onto a dance floor and managing to get me enjoying music I didn't like, just because I was dancing with her. I miss the random chats I had with her and how honest and open I could be with her (never been like that with someone before). She was always able to cheer me up whenever I needed it most.

The only things that are helping me keep going are thinking about the good memories I had with her and the fact that she wouldn't want me to be like this. She'd want me to be cheerful and my normal self.

I've always believed that everyone has two deaths, one physical, and one later when no one remembers you. As long as Iive, she will never truly die, because I will never forget her.

I'm journeying up the country soon in order to attend her funeral.

I hope that all makes sense. I'm not even sure it covers everything.


I know that people will tell me that there is nothing I could have done, that I should just cheer up and move on, but it is so much easier said than done. I have had close family members die, but I have never been affected like this by someone passing.

I just don't know what to do with myself.
I could do with a hug from her.

Im so sorry to hear that you're going through this. My heart goes out to you.

It's very difficult to advise you on what to do because we all have different strategies and different ways of coping with loss. Do you open up to any friends or family members? Would that help you?

You've posted this a month ago and no one has replied? :/

I am so so sorry to hear about your loss. I can'teven imagine to think what you're going through. I don't have much advice but if you ever want to talk through what your feeling, or vent in general feel free to shoot me a message. I hope you do feel better soon. ><

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, OP. Losing someone is always hard, but when a person takes their own life it's always a lot more difficult as no one wants to truly hear what you have to say. It's a taboo. I recently lost one of my best friends to suicide, so if you need someone to talk to, then you're welcome to PM me.

Oh, and just so you know, it wasn't your fault. When a person is in that mindset, they will stop at nothing to die, which is terribly sad. But at least she is no longer suffering. Take as long as you need to grieve, just be open and honest with those around you. Things like this are so traumatic, especially when it's unexpected. Maybe look into some grief counselling? Your GP might be able to direct you to a place that offers it (specifically ask for suicide bereavement counselling).

As I said before, you're welcome to PM me if you need a listening ear. I do know some of what you might be feeling/going through - you're not alone.

Thank you, I have a couple of friends that I've opened up to, but I feel as though I'm being a real burden to them, I just keep talking about her. I can't get her out of my mind even if we're talking about something completely different



Thank you, I may have to take you up on that. It means a lot.



Thank you, and I'm sorry for your loss.
I actually have an appointment booked for grief counselling, in a week-ish. I hope that helps
I'll add to my original post that I'm completely certain it was an accidental overdose, because she had so many plans for the near future (both including me and on with other friends/ family). Also, this will likely sound arrogant, but she had me. Our relationship was just starting and we were closer than ever, we were messaging all day and every day, we were planning things ahead (such as when I was next visiting the Uni, mainly to come and see her), we were even flirting. I can't believe that she'd have intentionally done it, I just wish I could have saved her, or at the very least told her just how much she meant, and still means, to me.

I just wish she was here, I miss her more than anything. I would move planets to be able to be with her again.


To me, she was absolutely perfect, and I love her more than I can ever put into words.

Nothing
Even though a month has passed my feelings are still exactly the same, just as intense, if not more so now

First off, this is going to be a long post and I don't even know if this is the right place to post it either. It's probably a little different to all the others here too.

A very close friend of mine passed away pretty recently, she was 24.

We had known each other for less than a year (met at Uni), but I thought she was amazing in every way. As we grew closer and closer, we started to share more and more about each other and became really good friends quickly. It got to the stage of both of us confessing that we had slightly stronger feelings for each other.

At the time we were both in relationships and neither of us would ever have cheated, we said that we'd like to be together in the future (both feeling a little distant from our respective SO's). We kept speaking after that too.

Then I found out that she had died of an OD. I still don't know if it was accidental or not. She had depression and was on anti-depressants, but I hadn't ever known that she was going to take her own life and I just can't accept that it wasn't accidental (I don't want to know either way).

What makes matters worse is that I was truly starting to fall in love with her, and I never was able to tell her. I have so many regrets about that and about so many other things I wanted to do with her that I will now never be able to.

I know that nothing can be done now, but my mind keeps wandering into 'What If?' scenarios, such as what if we had started going out, or what if I was able to speak to her just before it happened. I could have helped and saved her.

I'm completely heartbroken and my family and friends don't quite understand it. And if this is the way I am feeling, I can't even begin to imagine how her family is feeling.

Ever since I heard the news, I've been really really down and can't seem to cheer myself up. I've alwas been quite rational, so I know it should end eventually, but I just feel so useless and hopeless.

I miss her more than I could ever put into words. I miss her pulling me onto a dance floor and managing to get me enjoying music I didn't like, just because I was dancing with her. I miss the random chats I had with her and how honest and open I could be with her (never been like that with someone before). She was always able to cheer me up whenever I needed it most.

The only things that are helping me keep going are thinking about the good memories I had with her and the fact that she wouldn't want me to be like this. She'd want me to be cheerful and my normal self.

I've always believed that everyone has two deaths, one physical, and one later when no one remembers you. As long as Iive, she will never truly die, because I will never forget her.

I'm journeying up the country soon in order to attend her funeral.

I hope that all makes sense. I'm not even sure it covers everything.


I know that people will tell me that there is nothing I could have done, that I should just cheer up and move on, but it is so much easier said than done. I have had close family members die, but I have never been affected like this by someone passing.

I just don't know what to do with myself.
I could do with a hug from her.

I just wish she was here, I miss her more than anything. I would move planets to be able to be with her again.

**** me, this was humbling.
Genuinely OP, I cannot tell you how sorry I am for you. I opened this thread with a wry smile because I fully expected it to be another thread about missing an ex or something and thought I identified with it, and have since been completely cut down.

You say you're a rational person, here's some rational advice - do not at all get hung up on regrets; what you could've done, what could've been, what you could have stopped. Yes, just maybe, it could have worked out with your friend if you'd told her you loved her; yes, maybe you could have prevented your friend's suicide. Probabilistically, it's just as likely that none of those could have been true, just as with every other relationship out there, and getting yourself hung up on the possibilities is the absolute worst thing to do to yourself; it has no productive outcome, and will do nothing but tear you up, which you've already said you know your friend would have disliked.

I'm not sure what your stance is on religion, but think about how you'd want to react if your friend were looking over you, or was somehow aware of what you were doing.

Unfortunately, the nature of the world we live in and the lives we live is that life is just unbearably hard for some people; if your friend was one of those people, that's a tragedy, but there's almost definitely nothing you could've done to prevent it; if there was, she would've come to you, from what you describe of your friendship. The very fact she didn't, to me, indicates she knew you'd try and stop her and that she didn't want you to because she didn't want to be talked out of it. Either way, what's happened has happened. You'll need time to get over it - months at minimum, and maybe years down the line it'll still hurt. Give yourself that time, and let yourself get over her; you'll never forget her, that's impossible, and you don't want to. You want to get to the point that you can look at the situation from a distance, where your heart won't hurt at the very thought of her. It might seem far off now, but that's a very real outcome; hundreds of thousands of people around the world everyday get over loss in the end. Your focus right now - and believe me, I say this as a proud cynic, someone who categorically hates positive thinking for the sake of itself - should be on positive thinking. Positive thinking has its uses, and nowhere are they more obvious than at times like this: to remind us of the fact that, despite the tragedies that have happened, despite the negatives, there are still positives. Think about those. Think about the fact that - from what it sounds like - you were blessed with a friendship that so, so many other people would give their right arm to experience. Think about the fact that you have now experienced true tragedy, and that - once you've gotten over it - very few things will ever come close. Think about how much it will mature you, ground you, focus you, and ultimately improve you as a person.

Do your friends and family know how close you were? If not, I recommend telling them, as hard or awkward as that may be, because their sympathy and co-operation is going to make the next few months and possible years sooo much easier for you.

I honestly wish I could help you more, but I've never dealt with death or loss of any kind like this so I'd feel ridiculous for trying - still, if you need someone to work it out with, talk to, or just listen, feel free to PM me. I definitely recommend PMing Pathway above, and I can't echo his advice about bereavement counselling enough; they'll do far better than any of us can.

Once again, I'm sorry, and good luck.

Aw, man, I am so sorry. I really want to give you a hug.

Arrr man, that's tough. You obviously really loved her. Lost love can make you a more thoughtful person. Just maybe think about your time with her as a good thing and be happy it happened. All good things must come to an end after all. Hopefully one day you'll meet someone just as awesome. On a practical note, good music can help you let it all out.

This is so beautiful and sad at the same time. Stay strong my friend!

First off, this is going to be a long post and I don't even know if this is the right place to post it either. It's probably a little different to all the others here too.

A very close friend of mine passed away pretty recently, she was 24.

We had known each other for less than a year (met at Uni), but I thought she was amazing in every way. As we grew closer and closer, we started to share more and more about each other and became really good friends quickly. It got to the stage of both of us confessing that we had slightly stronger feelings for each other.

At the time we were both in relationships and neither of us would ever have cheated, we said that we'd like to be together in the future (both feeling a little distant from our respective SO's). We kept speaking after that too.

Then I found out that she had died of an OD. I still don't know if it was accidental or not. She had depression and was on anti-depressants, but I hadn't ever known that she was going to take her own life and I just can't accept that it wasn't accidental (I don't want to know either way).

What makes matters worse is that I was truly starting to fall in love with her, and I never was able to tell her. I have so many regrets about that and about so many other things I wanted to do with her that I will now never be able to.

I know that nothing can be done now, but my mind keeps wandering into 'What If?' scenarios, such as what if we had started going out, or what if I was able to speak to her just before it happened. I could have helped and saved her.

I'm completely heartbroken and my family and friends don't quite understand it. And if this is the way I am feeling, I can't even begin to imagine how her family is feeling.

Ever since I heard the news, I've been really really down and can't seem to cheer myself up. I've alwas been quite rational, so I know it should end eventually, but I just feel so useless and hopeless.

I miss her more than I could ever put into words. I miss her pulling me onto a dance floor and managing to get me enjoying music I didn't like, just because I was dancing with her. I miss the random chats I had with her and how honest and open I could be with her (never been like that with someone before). She was always able to cheer me up whenever I needed it most.

The only things that are helping me keep going are thinking about the good memories I had with her and the fact that she wouldn't want me to be like this. She'd want me to be cheerful and my normal self.

I've always believed that everyone has two deaths, one physical, and one later when no one remembers you. As long as Iive, she will never truly die, because I will never forget her.

I'm journeying up the country soon in order to attend her funeral.

I hope that all makes sense. I'm not even sure it covers everything.


I know that people will tell me that there is nothing I could have done, that I should just cheer up and move on, but it is so much easier said than done. I have had close family members die, but I have never been affected like this by someone passing.

I just don't know what to do with myself.
I could do with a hug from her.

>OP, like the other posters I am very, very sorry for your loss. She was very young and her death is a tragedy no matter the cause.

She was obviously very special. You said you enjoyed dancing with her and she helped you to appreciate music you didn't know you'd like. She sounds like the kind of girl who'd want you to keep dancing and enjoying the music....in fact I'm sure she'd want you to continue enjoying life!! The best way you can honour her is to keep truly living!! Isn't that what she'd want for you? I know it will be very difficult for a while but think about her, grieve her lose then when you're ready decide to honor her by having a good life! I'm sure she'd want you to appreciate the beautiful weather, enjoy music, enjoy laughing with friends, and eventually she'd want you to find someone else just as special. Don't get caught up in 'what might have been' (easier said than done). Grieve your lose - that's importantant; but then take this tragedy and turn it into something positive by honoring her memory by continuing to be the guy she cared so much about and enjoyed knowing.

You have not said if you are still with your girlfriend. I'm sure she is a wonderful girl but I'm not sure you should be w/ her now as you are thinking so much about your friend who has passed. I know it would be incredibly difficult but it seems only fair to let her go as she doesn't seem to be where your heart is now. You might give it some time and reevaluate your relationship with her for the future. I hope I don't sound harsh - that is not my intention.

I know you are going through an incredibly difficult time. My thoughts are with you.

Thank you, I have a couple of friends that I've opened up to, but I feel as though I'm being a real burden to them, I just keep talking about her. I can't get her out of my mind even if we're talking about something completely different



Thank you, I may have to take you up on that. It means a lot.



Thank you, and I'm sorry for your loss.
I actually have an appointment booked for grief counselling, in a week-ish. I hope that helps
I'll add to my original post that I'm completely certain it was an accidental overdose, because she had so many plans for the near future (both including me and on with other friends/ family). Also, this will likely sound arrogant, but she had me. Our relationship was just starting and we were closer than ever, we were messaging all day and every day, we were planning things ahead (such as when I was next visiting the Uni, mainly to come and see her), we were even flirting. I can't believe that she'd have intentionally done it, I just wish I could have saved her, or at the very least told her just how much she meant, and still means, to me.

I just wish she was here, I miss her more than anything. I would move planets to be able to be with her again.


To me, she was absolutely perfect, and I love her more than I can ever put into words.