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I dont see a future with him

Okay so I've been going out with this guy for a couple months now and I do like him but I just don't see us together in the future and I don't know why. My friend told me that there was no point in being in a relationship with someone if you don't see a future with them, is she right? I DO care for him and I don't think I'm ready to break up with him at all but I feel I'm just leading him on if I continue the relationship. EVEN though I DO really like and care for him. I also doubt we will be able to go back to friends or if we did it wouldn't be the same and I rather just continue the relationship than lose him completely. I would also be really distraught if we were to break up, I also feel like if I discussed this with him he'd start to feel insecure about our relationship. This whole thing just doesn't feel right but I don't want to mess everything up. Its his birthday in 2 weeks so I wouldn't want to say any before that, I just don't what to do?? I cant stop the way I'm feeling but at the same time I want it to work.

Help?
Don't be selfish by wasting his time. Tell him.
I have just been in this position. I broke up with the guy I was with for almost a year a few days ago. I didn't see us having a very good future together as we had completely different aspirations and he didn't seem as bothered about moving on in life as I was.

I felt awful breaking up with him as I did love and care about him, but sometimes you've got to be selfish, and do what's best for you.
I would stop worrying about the future and just enjoy yourself. If you keep looking forward you'll have no idea what's going on now! If you're not happy with this person, then that's when you should act imo :smile:
Reply 4
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by samina_ay
Don't be selfish by wasting his time. Tell him.


Am I wasting his time though? I mean if we are "enjoying" our current time together? But I guess I am being selfish...

Original post by Anonymous
I have just been in this position. I broke up with the guy I was with for almost a year a few days ago. I didn't see us having a very good future together as we had completely different aspirations and he didn't seem as bothered about moving on in life as I was.

I felt awful breaking up with him as I did love and care about him, but sometimes you've got to be selfish, and do what's best for you.


Did you always feel that way with him? Do you regret being with him for almost a year?

Yeah I guess...

Original post by antigone-
I would stop worrying about the future and just enjoy yourself. If you keep looking forward you'll have no idea what's going on now! If you're not happy with this person, then that's when you should act imo :smile:


True but the fact that I cant see a future with him is making me slightly unhappy...
Reply 5
Avatar for Zarek
Zarek
21
Follow your instincts. It's not good to waste people's time if you have severe reservations. This said, it might be worth giving it a little bit longer to see if your feelings change. But I would slit up sooner rather than later if you continue to feel this way.
Reply 6
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Zarek
Follow your instincts. It's not good to waste people's time if you have severe reservations. This said, it might be worth giving it a little bit longer to see if your feelings change. But I would slit up sooner rather than later if you continue to feel this way.


my gut instincts say to break up with him and have been saying that for a couple weeks but my heart says to stay because in a way I feel like I need him...
It's understandable for you to feel like you need him, relationships often make you dependent on the other person. But if you don't see a future with him then it's not worth it. It's better to break up with him now and let him find someone who can picture a future with him. Plus the longer you leave it, the more it will hurt him when you finally do do it.
Reply 8
Avatar for Goaded
Goaded
17
Original post by georgiaswift
It's understandable for you to feel like you need him, relationships often make you dependent on the other person. But if you don't see a future with him then it's not worth it. It's better to break up with him now and let him find someone who can picture a future with him. Plus the longer you leave it, the more it will hurt him when you finally do do it.


You're so pretty. :h:
Reply 9
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by georgiaswift
It's understandable for you to feel like you need him, relationships often make you dependent on the other person. But if you don't see a future with him then it's not worth it. It's better to break up with him now and let him find someone who can picture a future with him. Plus the longer you leave it, the more it will hurt him when you finally do do it.


idk, he makes me feel happy and makes me laugh/smile and makes me feel positive when I'm sad and he cares about me and I just don't think I'm ready to lose that. The mere idea of a break up actually makes me feel REALLY sad. Maybe I'm not meant to break up with him if all those things above are true... maybe I just need to give it time...
Original post by Goaded
You're so pretty. :h:


Thank you so much! That's really nice of you to say! :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
idk, he makes me feel happy and makes me laugh/smile and makes me feel positive when I'm sad and he cares about me and I just don't think I'm ready to lose that. The mere idea of a break up actually makes me feel REALLY sad. Maybe I'm not meant to break up with him if all those things above are true... maybe I just need to give it time...


It seems like you want us to tell you not to break up with him, as you're listing all these reasons why you shouldn't. If you don't want to break up with him then don't, at the end of the day it's your choice.
Original post by georgiaswift
It seems like you want us to tell you not to break up with him, as you're listing all these reasons why you shouldn't. If you don't want to break up with him then don't, at the end of the day it's your choice.


I don't... but I also want to get rid of this feeling that keeps telling me I should :frown:
Youre prolonging the inevitable of a break up if you dont see a future together
If you keep on going knowing that you dont think itll carry on youre leading him on and thats such a selfish thing to do, you say hes happy now but he wont be in so many years when you finally break up with him and hes then got to go find the person who actually wants that future with him, at least of you hreak up now you can both move on and find who you both want to spend your life with because you deserve a relationship with someone you want to stay with too
End it with him, it's cruel and unfair.
I'm the same. I don't see me and my boyfriend having a future either, even though I am completely in love with him. The reasons are external factors, some internal tbf. There will come a day when we'll have to go our separate ways, and I'm trying to push that moment as far away as I can. I don't want that day to come. I cannot bear to lose him, but it's sad knowing I will have to one day
Original post by Anonymous
Okay so I've been going out with this guy for a couple months now and I do like him but I just don't see us together in the future and I don't know why. My friend told me that there was no point in being in a relationship with someone if you don't see a future with them, is she right? I DO care for him and I don't think I'm ready to break up with him at all but I feel I'm just leading him on if I continue the relationship. EVEN though I DO really like and care for him. I also doubt we will be able to go back to friends or if we did it wouldn't be the same and I rather just continue the relationship than lose him completely. I would also be really distraught if we were to break up, I also feel like if I discussed this with him he'd start to feel insecure about our relationship. This whole thing just doesn't feel right but I don't want to mess everything up. Its his birthday in 2 weeks so I wouldn't want to say any before that, I just don't what to do?? I cant stop the way I'm feeling but at the same time I want it to work.

Help?


Don’t put yourself under pressure. You’re obviously not ready to split - there will be a time when you’ll know it’s the right thing to do if that’s what you want.
Reply 17
Avatar for mgi
mgi
20
Original post by Anonymous
Okay so I've been going out with this guy for a couple months now and I do like him but I just don't see us together in the future and I don't know why. My friend told me that there was no point in being in a relationship with someone if you don't see a future with them, is she right? I DO care for him and I don't think I'm ready to break up with him at all but I feel I'm just leading him on if I continue the relationship. EVEN though I DO really like and care for him. I also doubt we will be able to go back to friends or if we did it wouldn't be the same and I rather just continue the relationship than lose him completely. I would also be really distraught if we were to break up, I also feel like if I discussed this with him he'd start to feel insecure about our relationship. This whole thing just doesn't feel right but I don't want to mess everything up. Its his birthday in 2 weeks so I wouldn't want to say any before that, I just don't what to do?? I cant stop the way I'm feeling but at the same time I want it to work.

Help?


so you want to do people pleasing and suffer because you feel too scared to be honest about your true feelings ! You should tell him and stop wasting each other's time. Suppose, he felt the same way and you felt fine about things, what would you want him to do? would you want him to carry on faking it?

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