Lost direction in life, keep running from responsibility.. help Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
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Okay so I don't wish to make this a sob story or anything and I dont usually like discussing but I need help

One year ago my mum passed away when I was 15, leaving me my dad and my 4 younger siblings. Without my mum I was lost in my life, I got into fights, sometimes avoided going home, and generally didn't help my dad out as much as I should, my mum was ill for years but being the women she was, never complained and always wanted to make sure we had the best we could. Anyways fast forward one year and I need help, with my mum she was there too guide me, I liked what she used to say to me, she was my guidance, but now I feel I've lost it, i'm unsure what to do careers wise, I'm doing a course at Sixth Form that I hate.

But that's not even my biggest worry, my dad tells me that I'm immature in the sense that I can't think straight, i struggle to manage myself and my emotions at time (I've had 3 councellors by the school for behaviour, emotional and emotion + behavior councelling), he tells me that he is going to die soon, i don't know why but it's scary to me, he doesn't seem like he is in a good state, there are some issues going on which I rather not say here, and i'm not exactly the biggest role model/inspiration when tbh I haven't even got my life/mind straight to my youngest siblings, i've got no idea what to do, my dad is telling my to become tough, mentality toughened up, but ever since I was young due to issues with my dad always fighthing with my mum (though he changed a lot, A LOT) i was left emotionally scarred seeing pain to her, to be honest it's made me a sensitive person, yet i'm also quite aggressive, so please help, i'm lost i have no idea, i guess what i need is some one to guide me, my dad does the work, clothes us, feeds us, but it seems like some day he will just give up, theres an issue going on that he tells me will make him die one day, and i will have to raise my younger siblings when i'm 18, i've got no idea what to do.
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Zechs
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I don't know what to tell you anonymous to be honest, all I know is sometimes life deals us a bad hand I don't know why I just know it sucks but I would say that the mentally strong advice is true. For all we have is our minds and without mental strength life can be much harder. I don't want to give you cliche advice , I could tell you to be strong and all that and I would indeed mean it but I don't want to give you cliche advise. We all must face our own battles and I hope you conquer them. I also know that when I listen to this song I feel somewhat happy so I leave you with a link to the song.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wp43OdtAAkM

Face everything in steps in life don't try to fight it all at once and it becomes much easier. Take a little time to relax by yourself and gain focus and you will be strong.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Mancini)
I don't know what to tell you anonymous to be honest, all I know is sometimes life deals us a bad hand I don't know why I just know it sucks but I would say that the mentally strong advice is true. For all we have is our minds and without mental strength life can be much harder. I don't want to give you cliche advice , I could tell you to be strong and all that and I would indeed mean it but I don't want to give you cliche advise. We all must face our own battles and I hope you conquer them. I also know that when I listen to this song I feel somewhat happy so I leave you with a link to the song.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wp43OdtAAkM

Face everything in steps in life don't try to fight it all at once and it becomes much easier. Take a little time to relax by yourself and gain focus and you will be strong.
thanks, i guess the issue with me and that i dont have a tough mentality, i'm a weird person i wont lie but im also partly frail, i think growing up i thought that life would have gotten better as i got older but now i guess it starting to hit me that life will be **** for life.
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Zechs
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(Original post by Anonymous)
thanks, i guess the issue with me and that i dont have a tough mentality, i'm a weird person i wont lie but im also partly frail, i think growing up i thought that life would have gotten better as i got older but now i guess it starting to hit me that life will be **** for life.
Life is tough and for some people it is tougher. I used to be a bit weak myself over the years mentally I got stronger because of things I've been through. I just try not to give up when it comes to things , because I know I have the mental strength even when it's really tough I try to put my all into everything until I really can't no more. It's all about pacing yourself in a way taking in problems one at a time. If you want to have a little cry sometime that's fine because crying helps relieve some pain and helps you to move on, it's nothing to be ashamed about nor does it make you weak.
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sunnydespair
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I can't imagine anything worse happening than losing my mum at your age . This won't make you feel better , but if you see what jk Rowling managed to accomplish after losing her mother at a young age, it may be inspirational to you. Your siblings need you and you have a chance to make it through this unfairly difficult situation. Perhaps you need to structure yor life to a set routine of school, exercise, time with your siblings and friends , so you are doing something and not living inside your head too much. See your gp potentially and they might be able to put you on medication that will help you. Please take care x
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by sunnydespair)
I can't imagine anything worse happening than losing my mum at your age . This won't make you feel better , but if you see what jk Rowling managed to accomplish after losing her mother at a young age, it may be inspirational to you. Your siblings need you and you have a chance to make it through this unfairly difficult situation. Perhaps you need to structure yor life to a set routine of school, exercise, time with your siblings and friends , so you are doing something and not living inside your head too much. See your gp potentially and they might be able to put you on medication that will help you. Please take care x
Cheers for the advice
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Snakebite
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turn to islam brother, i had to flee my home country when i was young as well and i guess i can kinda relate.
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Anonymous #1
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im not religious
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Snakebite
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(Original post by Anonymous)
im not religious
well then perhaps you shouild be
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The Diplomat.
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(Original post by Snakebite)
well then perhaps you shouild be
please lets not start a religious debate
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Anonymous #1
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yup
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Anonymous #1
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sorry for bumping but i guess i need the help.
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Findlay6
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It sounds like you're still grieving and that's okay! - there's no time limit for healing. Anniversaries of deaths are hard and you should try to do something memorable yearly to celebrate her - I'm guessing you all miss her and want her back.
You're allowed to be upset or angry over loss, especially over the loss of your mum. Remember that she wasn't just a mum to you but to your siblings and a partner to your dad too and they're likely to be feeling the same as you, but hiding it. You dad has to get on with life, as you said, he does the chores, feeds and clothes you all - that must be pretty hard ad upsetting for him - where's his support?

Feeling lost in life is normal when you've lost your rock. Get yourself back into a routine, find yourself some goals you actually want to achieve (maybe a course you want to study?), use this time to find yourself, what do you want? Support each other, your dad is your new rock, look at what he's doing for you. It's never to late to change, and this post is one step closer. Go you!

As for counselling, it's one of those things that works perfectly when you're ready for it. Being forced into it, or going into it with a negative attitude will be detrimental and won't help. There's a national organisation called Cruse Bereavement Care that offers free counselling in the community/your home and can be used for all the family, they also have a free hotline if you just wanted to chat.
I used to work for them and they're very helpful - but only when you're ready!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Findlay6)
It sounds like you're still grieving and that's okay! - there's no time limit for healing. Anniversaries of deaths are hard and you should try to do something memorable yearly to celebrate her - I'm guessing you all miss her and want her back.
You're allowed to be upset or angry over loss, especially over the loss of your mum. Remember that she wasn't just a mum to you but to your siblings and a partner to your dad too and they're likely to be feeling the same as you, but hiding it. You dad has to get on with life, as you said, he does the chores, feeds and clothes you all - that must be pretty hard ad upsetting for him - where's his support?

Feeling lost in life is normal when you've lost your rock. Get yourself back into a routine, find yourself some goals you actually want to achieve (maybe a course you want to study?), use this time to find yourself, what do you want? Support each other, your dad is your new rock, look at what he's doing for you. It's never to late to change, and this post is one step closer. Go you!

As for counselling, it's one of those things that works perfectly when you're ready for it. Being forced into it, or going into it with a negative attitude will be detrimental and won't help. There's a national organisation called Cruse Bereavement Care that offers free counselling in the community/your home and can be used for all the family, they also have a free hotline if you just wanted to chat.
I used to work for them and they're very helpful - but only when you're ready!
thanks so much but sometimes i get concerned about my dad aswell, its like he shuts off into his own little world, theres other family issues (major) which are giving him trouble as well and now he's a quiet guy
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