Stephen Fry uses the metaphor of bad whether to describe depression. (How British).
He says that, despite what people who have never experienced depression might think, you can't just muster all your strength and make depression go away. It's the weather. You can't think hard enough that it stops raining, regardless of how much you want it to.
Equally, when it's grey and foggy and rainy, it becomes very difficult to 'look forward', if you will. It is almost impossible, in the clutches of a deep depression, to imagine yourself ever being 'normal' again.
This might be why your other half is struggling to see a future for herself. It is a symptom of her illness -- you have to remember that. She hasn't given up on her future yet, and you shouldn't either. She really does want all of those things that she tells you she wants, but at the moment they all seem so out of reach to her. Depression is telling her she can't have these things, so you should remind her that she can.
In regards to her future, you need to prioritise and look at what is really important. Yes, a job is important. Yes, if you want a family then that is important too. But you need the foundations to be set before you can start building the house. Until she is well, and better able to cope with her condition when it arises, everything else should be put on the back-burner. Is she getting professional help currently? If not, then she should be. Because regardless of how much you love her and want her to be well, unless you know the ins-and-outs of depression then realistically, you are not going to be able to 'heal' her. I know that this is probably not welcome news, but it is the truth. So, if she isn't seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist, then the best thing that you can do for her right now is to encourage her to start doing so.
Most importantly, I think, is that you are open with each other about what's going on. Ask her about her mood regularly, take an active interest in what's going on inside her mind. Depression is a terrible and painful affliction, but it's actually really fascinating as well. Ask her to try to explain it to you, and then just listen. You are listening to the words of a human being who perceives the world in an entirely different way to yourself. And it's painful for her, but it is also
kind of amazing. Talk about it. Make her know that you want to understand, and that she doesn't have to keep these things from you.
If she is comfortable around your parents, you guys should all sit down and talk about it too. (Although, it's probably best to wait for a 'good day' to do this). If you keep depression locked away, and it only exists as sobs coming through the walls, then it becomes a pretty scary thing for people to observe. If you open up that door and expose depression for what it really is, a
physical illness like any other, then it stops being the Great Unknown. It stops being the demon that is taking over your loved one, and it starts being a serotonin deficiency and just another little piece that makes up that person. Again, just talk about it.
At the start of your post, you said that:
"I feel as though I've found my perfect partner..." I thought that that was a kind of beautiful statement considering the hardships that you have both had to go through. Try to remember that depression, however ugly and horrible it may be, is a part of who your partner is. Without her depression, she wouldn't be the person she is. One day, she may be free of it. But until that day comes, try to remember that she is still the person you love.
Relish the good days and help her through the bad ones. Good luck, man. Wishing you both all the best for your very bright future together.
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