Sergeant Numpty
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#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#1
Please would someone check over these final two paragraphs and tell me what to do to turn them into A grade paragraphs, they're short in order to be memorable but I'm happy to make additions. Thanks in advance.

Dans Lincoln il ya le marché noël et bien que je déteste le marche noël pourtant c’est bien pour sortir avec ses amis et par conséquent je vais aller au le marché noël dans Décembre. Personnellement je pense que ce sera un peu barbant en outre il yaura surement trop de monde. Je ne vais pas acheter l’objet qui sont en vente puis qu’ils seront trop cher. Je dois dire, ce voudrais meilleur si le marché noël était moins occupe.

Mon festival préfère est le Lincoln salon aéronautique parce que c’est merveilleux pour passer un moment agréable en famille. A mon avis je voudrais aime le marchénoël plus si ce serai moins occupe. En revanche le marché noël a beaucoup devendre donc je pense que Lincoln salon aéronautique voudrais meilleur si il y abeaucoup de magasins. A mon avis Je ne voudrais pas visite à soit car Il y amieux à faire.
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leahdw
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#2
Report 6 years ago
#2
(Original post by Sergeant Numpty)
Please would someone check over these final two paragraphs and tell me what to do to turn them into A grade paragraphs, they're short in order to be memorable but I'm happy to make additions. Thanks in advance.

Dans Lincoln il y a le marché noël et [bien que je déteste le marche noël pourtant(1)] c’est bien pour sortir avec ses amis et par conséquent je vais aller au le marché noël [dans(2)] Décembre. Personnellement je pense que ce sera un peu barbant en outre il y aura surement trop de monde. Je ne vais pas acheter [l’objet qui sont(3)] en vente puis qu’ils seront trop cher. Je dois dire, [ce voudrais meilleur(4)] si le marché noël était moins occupe.

Mon festival [préfère(5)] est le Lincoln salon aéronautique parce que c’est merveilleux pour passer un moment agréable en famille. [A mon avis je voudrais aime le marchénoël plus si ce serai moins occupe.(?)] En revanche le marché noël a beaucoup [devendre(6)] donc je pense que Lincoln salon aéronautique voudrais meilleur(4) si il y abeaucoup de magasins. A mon avis Je ne voudrais pas visite à soit car Il y amieux à faire.
First off, make sure you check for spaces, and accents!
Going in numerical order:
1: looking at what it actually means - "Although I hate the Christmas market however it's good...". The 'pourtant' makes the sentence very weird.
2: 'dans' is not the right word in this case; you would need to use something like 'pendant'.
3: This seems a little confused - are you talking about one object or more than one?
4: This doesn't really make sense - if you mean 'it would be better' you would need to use 'valoir' instead of 'vouloir', and 'mieux' instead of 'meilleur'
5: Make sure you're using an adjective here, rather than a conjugated verb.
6: I'm assuming you mean it has a lot to sell? In which case, you'll need a different preposition (and a space!)
Check your prepositions (à/de), make sure that where they need to be contracted, they are.
The second sentence in the second paragraph seems a little out of place and seems to essentially be repeating what you've already said in the first paragraph. And the final sentence does not make any sense - what are you trying to say here?
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