I'm sick of myself and my life

I hate the way I am and just really feel unhappy with life, I just don't know what to do.

TL :biggrin:

R - My issues (1) my body, (2) low self esteem, quiet voice and awkwardness, (3) unable to talk to girls.

(1) - I'm skinny fat, and I've tried working out but I just struggle to go to the gym regularly enough, two weeks I'll stick to it, one month off or I can only go twice a week. I can't drive so rely on my parents to drop me off, but some days they refuse to. I got progain extreme, but I'm considering steroids, hopefully that can make me muscular. No girl wants a skinny dude like me, I look disgusting.

(2) - I have such low self esteem due to being bullied since primary school, I was mocked for being Asian, mocked for being skinny, and mocked for being quiet (ironically I was quiet because I wanted no attention or to be bullied).

Now I just act awkward in public, I'm so aware of how I'm standing and it probably shows by my body language, I just probably look weird. I hunch a lot now because of a belly I have now and I just feel so ugly and disgusting that I just want to hide. I no longer like leaving the house.

(3) - I'm 21 and never had a girlfriend or even kissed. I was always ugly, and now I've had the person on occasion say I'm good looking, I mostly get called cute, because I've not got a very masculine face. But even though I guess I'm average looking now, girls pay me no attention, they still look at me like I'm trash or really ugly. When I talk to a girl, I'm too scared to appear creepy or pervy, I don't flirt or be naughty. I'm just really "nice" and friendly, and they no longer see me as a potential partner. Sometimes I see a pretty girl in public and want to at least smile, but I'm too scared as she'll think I'm a creep as I'm an ugly guy tbh.

So yeah, I'm just fed up, these some things and I just don't know what to do. I've just feel like giving up on life, I don't see what there is to live for if I'm so miserable, like anybody would care if I just disappeared anyway.

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Reply 1

Ciranore

I think you're eligible for a chick from 'back home' :wink:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Ciranore

I think you're eligible for a chick from 'back home' :wink:

I want to meet a girl I click with. I have female friends, some hot ones too, but I just can't seem to flirt with girls.

I'd be too western for a girl from back home, and I don't just want a girl to ****, I want a companion. Also I'm sure a girl from "back home" deserves better than a guy who settled for her because he got desperate.

Reply 3

bakedbeans247

Don't worry man, just put max effort into everything you do, do what you enjoy doing and you will eventually make good friends and meet your significant other who won't judge you by your looks, god willing.
Appreciate what you do have, there are probably millions of people in the world that wish they had a good as life as yours. Smile more :smile:

Reply 4

Zargabaath

Original post by Anonymous

R -

Goddamn, that smiley appearing there is some dark-ass irony

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Zargabaath

Goddamn, that smiley appearing there is some dark-ass irony

Was a mistake, can't edit it now :lol:

Reply 6

BrokenLife

Original post by Anonymous

I hate the way I am and just really feel unhappy with life, I just don't know what to do.

TL :biggrin:

Why can't I rep you? Not that I wanted to but these anon threads! I know You're someone I know but whooo!!??? :colonhash:

Reply 7

Zargabaath

Original post by Anonymous

Was a mistake, can't edit it now :lol:

It's because : and D when together, is the shortcut for :biggrin:

but you should leave it, it's a funny coincidence

Reply 8

Nununu

If u don't like urself how will anyone else like u?

Stop talking badly about urself first.

Reply 9

jay2013

Get your **** together and man the f*** up

Reply 10

Zargabaath

Original post by jay2013

Get your **** together and man the f*** up

wow thats really good advice i've never heard better advice tbh, you should get a job as a therapist or an advice giver :congrats:

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by BrokenLife

Why can't I rep you? Not that I wanted to but these anon threads! I know You're someone I know but whooo!!??? :colonhash:

It's anon for a reason...

Original post by Nununu

If u don't like urself how will anyone else like u?

Stop talking badly about urself first.

I've tried so hard before, but I just can't seem to. Like I just hate myself too much.

Original post by jay2013

Get your **** together and man the f*** up

"Manning up" has got me nowhere, I wish it was that easy

Reply 12

jay2013

Original post by Zargabaath

wow thats really good advice i've never heard better advice tbh, you should get a job as a therapist or an advice giver :congrats:

Thank you

Reply 13

jay2013

Original post by Anonymous

"Manning up" has got me nowhere, I wish it was that easy

A girl wants a guy who is self-assured. You need to get that self-assurance. You need to be happy with what you've got at the moment. Forget about girls and your body for now and just focus on things that you enjoy, whatever they may be. Take a break from improving yourself and you'll be happier. Go back to improving yourself in the future.

Reply 14

somemightsay888

Original post by BrokenLife

Why can't I rep you? Not that I wanted to but these anon threads! I know You're someone I know but whooo!!??? :colonhash:

Bit rude really, dude is Anon for a reason. You keep doing this on the Dear You thread too, stop being a ****.

Reply 15

Anonymous #2

Changing yourself is the hardest thing you'll ever do. You've formed a mental habit of accepting things the way they are which is why you see no way out of your current situation. NOTHING is going to change for you unless you start taking action. Gym will do wonders for you, you'll look better and as a result feel much better too, and with that comes confidence. When you have confidence, you'll get yourself into more social situations and feel more comfortable doing so. It's obviously not going to happen over night, it's a gradual process but stick with it! Just remember that time is gonna pass anyway, so 6/7 months from now you can be the exact same guy you are now, or you can be a completely new person. The choice is ultimately yours, but you can't do nothing and hope that something will change, you need to take action, be consistent and you'll see positive results & changes. I'm not just talking out of my ass either, I was as you're describing yourself a few years ago, I'm a completely different person now and feel great. Sure I have my down days, but so does everyone, but never on the level it once was. If I can do it, you can too OP. Best of luck.

Reply 16

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

I hate the way I am and just really feel unhappy with life, I just don't know what to do.

TL :biggrin:

You seem like a genuinely good guy, which is the most important thing. I believe you're overthinking things, and I understand because I do that too. I am a girl, but I can relate to this a lot. I accept myself for who I am, and you should try to as well. If girls are going to treat like that, then you're better off without them. I know it's not easier said than done. I doubt you're an ugly guy, okay. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Strangely, I am harsh on myself in front of guys or present myself in a way that might be off-putting by either being too helpful or stand-offish. Kind of an extreme kind of thing. It is difficult to describe, but I am not very used to communicating or expressing myself to guys. I also don't think they are used to dealing with a person such as myself either. My nature is to doubt everything I have said and done, as to why said person has gone off me. It's easier to do that than hold the other person accountable, for me anyway. I realise that I never changed, that I have always acted more or less the same. If you catch my drift. So, I learned to forgive myself and stop blaming myself. At the end of the day, they were the ones who broke their promises, not me. I was always honest, and open as a book. They seemed to present themselves to be better than they were, but it was not reality. I, however, am a very realistic person so they probably didn't appreciate that. I saw through the BS, but still gave them the benefit of the doubt even at my own expense. I take responsibility, even when it's not my fault. I feel like we need to not let other people get us down.

As for the points in your post, plenty of girls don't mind the type of body you have. Also, you don't want a girl to just like you for your physique. You shouldn't put so much pressure on yourself to look a certain way. The important thing is that you're relatively healthy. Steroids will only make matters worse, and is a very temporary solution. Don't put yourself at risk.

There is nothing wrong with being skinny, Asian, and quiet. I fall into all three categories, but fortunately I wasn't overtly bullied over it like you were. It goes to show how cruel some people can be. These bullies don't realise or care about the long-term consequences their actions can have on their victims. I honestly hope you can boost your self-esteem for your own sake, and don't continue you to let these pathetic bullies impact your life in this way. I didn't fit in with the cliques and felt excluded most of the time, but that was fine by me because they were not the type of people I would like to associate myself with anyway as we had very different values. I was bullied in primary school as well. I received verbal threats and physical abuse, if I didn't stay "friends" with a possessive, controlling bully. The verbal threats consisted of that girl saying and getting a couple of other girls involved, saying how they would beat me up if I dared say a word about this to anyone else. After all, they would hit me anyway if I refused to do something they wanted me to do (that would cause me emotional and/or physical distress). It didn't take too long for me to tell an adult, which put a stop to the bullying. A lot of people try to take advantage of me because they think I am a soft touch, so I have to be careful.

Again, there is nothing wrong with being 21 and not having had a partner or kissed because I am in the same position. That was my choice, and I am happy that I haven't had a boyfriend for various reasons. I wouldn't call myself attractive, but I have seen way more unattractive people with boyfriends and girlfriends and it's not like guys haven't found me attractive. I accept that I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea, but that's okay and I'm glad because that comes with a whole set of problems. There are only a small minority of people who are considered good-looking by the majority. I find most people to be average looking, including myself. I don't think looks are that important. It doesn't even last very long, as looks tend to fade as you age. You can't depend on relationships to last, or even be good in the duration that you're in one. Life is just rather short, and the main significant thing is that you're happy within yourself as you have to live with yourself 24/7. An obvious statement, but it is the truth.

However, if you think having a relationship would make you happy, then yes you will have to put yourself out there by flirting to show interest and so on. It's hard if you lack confidence, but with time and practice, it should get easier and you're bound to be successful sooner or later. Don't give up.

Whether or not a girl finds you attractive should bear no effect on how you behave. You should try to act as natural as you can, and hope for the best. If a girl thinks you're a creep for smiling at her, because she finds you unattractive then that's her problem, not yours. Beauty and attraction are subjective anyway, and you have come across people who think you're attractive so that's a positive. Think of the most "ugliest" person imaginable, and there will be at least one person who finds them attractive. There is hope for everyone, and looks are just a part of the attraction. I also doubt you want a shallow girl who is only interested in you for your physical appearance. It is a shame that people judge people based on first impressions, which does include how you look and come across. It isn't easy for some people, as it takes time to feel more comfortable. However, by then, a lot of people write you off and it's too late. I honestly can't be bothered with it all, because even if certain people do give you the time of day, more often than not, they just end up letting you down eventually but you become invested and it's hard to stop caring. I considered these people friends, imagine if I were in relationships with them it would be much worse. In your case, a lot of the criticisms seems to be in your head as you seem to be very self-conscious and aware of yourself and others.

I'm sure you have friends and family who care about you, and would miss you if you were to disappear. I don't know you personally, but I would as well. You have a bright future ahead of you, and don't need a girlfriend (or anyone for that matter) to make you feel worthy of living. Once you improve your mind-set and thinking patterns, you will start to feel better. There is no harm in wanting to improve yourself, but don't feel you have to do/be X and Y to achieve certain goals. It may help your self-esteem, but it has to come from within and not externally from other people. I hope you can achieve everything you want, and your life improves. Best of luck.

Reply 17

Anonymous #3

Original post by Mancini

Another Asian moan thread and wtf is skinny fat? To the last poster seriously? No need for that length of post.

Nothing I read in the OP sounds so bad that it's not fixable or hard to improve.

Aren't Asian people allowed to moan as much as the next person?

I think skinny fat is when you appear slim, but lack tone and muscle. You might have some fat/flab too, but it isn't really noticeable to anyone else but the individual.

I was going to apologise, but I'm done being sorry. It's not even long by my standards. I'm not forcing anyone to read it or respond. Actually, I would rather people who complain about the length to not bother.

It might seem easy for you, but then again you're not the OP so it doesn't really help his situation. Unless you've had similar experiences, and overcame them. Still, good on you for having a positive outlook. I believe most things in life can be improved on, but it doesn't usually happen without dedication.

Reply 18

Zechs

Original post by Anonymous

You get an Asian usually male, complaining about his looks and inability to attract the opposite sex a lot in here. I wouldn't even know you are not Asian if you didn't mention it.

This is not even racist just pure observation, mods can't accuse this post of being racist/ discriminatory when it's a recurring occurrence on here.

If you need to improve yourself to attract the opposite sex improve yourself, moaning online won't help.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 19

Anonymous #3

Original post by Mancini

I haven't seen any others personally, but I will take your word for it. They probably lack confidence in that sector. I understand what you're saying though, it is not the most conducive thing to do and doesn't resolve the issues at hand. I am under the impression that it's something they feel the need to rant about, as it is not exactly something they feel comfortable enough to discuss freely with others in real life. I would imagine guys are less open about talking about insecurities than girls. On the whole, Asian guys seem to be more insecure than guys from other races, but that's just the way it is. I could go into the reasons why to explain it, but that is besides the point and I don't want to make certain generalisations as they are not PC. Also, I think you know what I am alluding to.

I'm a bit confused by your statement. Do you mean that you wouldn't know that I was Asian if I didn't state it?

Again, I didn't understand the context of your comment as I have not seen any other similar threads previously. I never knew it was such a common occurence, but it is still an interesting observation even though it isn't exactly surprising to me.