No friends at uni :(

I'm in my second term at a big university and I don't really have any friends. I'm quite outgoing and bubbly, mostly shy, and I'm pretty friendly and kind hearted. Personality wise I'm a smiley person and love to laugh. In my first term I became really close with two of my flat mates, I trusted them a lot and spent most of my time with them. I only recently found out that they were 'fake' friends and had been bitching behind my back about me, lied to me and they pretty much betrayed me. That really hurt, but it would have been easier to cope with if I had other friends.

My other flat mates one of them is lovely but is so busy that I never see her, the others are international students who keep to themselves. I have some acquitances who I sometimes eat dinner with (sometimes I eat alone) but they have their own friendship groups that I find it difficult to 'fit in' with them, and their friendship groups are pretty tight so even if I try to hang out with them more I'm seen as more of the person to say 'hi' to and have a small conversation with rather than a proper member of their friendship group. Then on my course I have only about 3 acquitances, I would say I'm only closer to the one (sometimes she's a little bitchy though ) but they live off campus so I can only hang out with them when we have lectures. I attended a society meeting once but felt a little uncomfortable, the people there weren't that welcoming. I also had a fairly embarrassing incident in the first term where I was wearing the wrong foundation shade, and people responded to me quite nastily because of it, so now I feel like not that many people in my uni are that friendly which sucks :/

Even my love life is so non-existent here. In my home city I didn't really struggle to attract guys, but here I am literally invisible to all of the guys and none of them seem to like me. So many people here seem to be dating, sleeping with or going out with guys in the uni. At least if I had a boyfriend it may have been easier to deal with this. I'm just feeling really depressed about this because I feel so lonely, and I thought that when I came to uni I would make lots of friends and would have a great time. And the few people I really considered to be close to me turned out to not be very nice at all. I've actually spent nights crying about this. I mean I'm a nice person, a little sensitive I guess, so why am I finding it so difficult to make any actual friends? :frown:

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Reply 1

shawn_o1

Do you go to the gym at your uni? Try attending group workouts/classes

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by shawn_o1

Do you go to the gym at your uni? Try attending group workouts/classes

I'm not really into going to the gym

Reply 3

shawn_o1

Original post by Anonymous

I'm not really into going to the gym

I'm sure you used to enjoy some kind of physical activity before you went to uni. It's important for your wellbeing both physically and mentally

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 4

leah_ooo

I'm in the exact same position as you, just started my second semester and was dreading coming back to being this lonely and isolated. I too, had two flatmates who I thought I got on well with but they have decided to share a flat next year with people on their course, excluding me, after saying we would find a flat together. I've found it so difficult to make friends and I'm not enjoying my course so I'm considering leaving uni.. I don't know what else to do! I don't want to be this miserable here. You're not alone in how you're feeling though.

Reply 5

1682795

So this is what the university life looks like.

Another person without friends :frown:

How sad..

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Reply 6

RomNoob

Pick up a hobby, I would recommend BJJ personally (nowhere better to make friends than on the mats :biggrin:

) but anything is good. Put yourself in situations where you can meet and talk to people.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by shawn_o1

I'm sure you used to enjoy some kind of physical activity before you went to uni. It's important for your wellbeing both physically and mentally

I try to avoid doing too much physical activity besides from walking to lectures because I lose weight easily and I hate losing weight.

Reply 8

shawn_o1

Original post by Anonymous

I try to avoid doing too much physical activity besides from walking to lectures because I lose weight easily and I hate losing weight.

do you have a specific health condition that makes you lose weight without exercising? or do you just not eat a lot?

Reply 9

1682795

Original post by Anonymous

I try to avoid doing too much physical activity besides from walking to lectures because I lose weight easily and I hate losing weight.

Do not let yourself down. If these people do not want to be your friends, just ignore and carry on, their loss.

Also, mind me asking what uni?

Posted from TSR Mobile

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 10

_Bright Eyes

Original post by Anonymous

I had really similar experiences the first time I went to uni and it got so bad I dropped out. My advice would be to keep on doing what you're doing, maybe join a few social clubs to get involved more with people, just strike up random conversations in queues or in the park, or whatever. It doesn't sounds like you're doing much wrong to be honest, it's just that most people are ***** and if you're not giving them something, they're not interested. You'll find friends if you just keep talking to people and getting socially involved. It takes as much luck as it does anything else, most people aren't compatible with each other so finding those who are with you can be difficult.

Which uni do you go to? I could use some friends myself if you're near by, I just moved away and know nobody. Failing that, feel free to message me, I'm a good listener :3

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by davidb9966

Do not let yourself down. If those people do not want to be your friends, just ignore and carry on, their loss.

Also, mind me asking what uni?

Posted from TSR Mobile

University of Birmingham

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by shawn_o1

do you have a specific health condition that makes you lose weight without exercising? or do you just not eat a lot?

I just lose weight very quickly, even if I eat a lot. But I find it difficult to eat a great amount of food in uni, as my body requires me to consume A LOT of calories to simply gain weight or even maintain.

Reply 13

sunbathingcat

Original post by Anonymous

I try to avoid doing too much physical activity besides from walking to lectures because I lose weight easily and I hate losing weight.

Why not try a more art-y activtity? Maybe there's a Drama society, which would be good because you'd have to interact with new people and they're probably pretty open and friendly anyway (from my experience with Drama students). -Don't worry if you worry you won't be good at it, lots of people who join societies (not just Drama) aren't good at what they're joining, so give it a go?
You could always try striking up a conversation with the flat next door/floor? You never know what might come out of it.

I was in a pretty similar position this year, but I drew up a list of all the people who I liked, who seemed to like me, good acquaintances, and even thought of some friends(!) so that made me feel less lonely.
A lot of these people/friends were in my building or different societies.
Yeah, it's not too late to join new societies and things, and you're bound to find people with common interests there. And don't feel bad about failed interactions and friendships; it's ok, it happens and it's not down to you :smile:

good luck

Reply 14

callum_law

Original post by RomNoob

Pick up a hobby, I would recommend BJJ personally (nowhere better to make friends than on the mats :biggrin:

) but anything is good. Put yourself in situations where you can meet and talk to people.

After you break their arm in a kimura, they can't help but be friends with you.

Reply 15

1682795

Original post by Anonymous

University of Birmingham

I am going to be studying at NTU if I somehow manage to get all my grades. I can say that my situation will be probably similar.

Also, if you really want to meet someone you have to know exactly what to say and whether you should actually start the conversation. For example, today I had a group induction and there was a person next to me sitting quite confused, I was aware of this and I just patiently waited for him to ask me a question because I just knew it is going to happen eventually. At the end he was like, "hey do you know what I should write here?"

As for the university, start doing something else such as joining other societies, like the other users on TSR suggest.

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Reply 16

username1726117

I think I'm the Male version of you, for the most part, except I don't really speak to my flat-mates bar one.

Keep busy. Take up new activities/responsibilities. Go to the gym. Volunteer. Work hard. Enjoy time to yourself.

Good things come to those who wait, and work hard.