I fall in love too easily with guys who show me a bit of kindness or affection

1401985

I'm exactly the same! My dad couldn't care less and I always need a guy there to fill that void. But nothing can! Have you tried re-connecting with your dad? I read somewhere recently that that's how a woman got over her problem and was able to then have healthy relationships. As much as I deny it I've come to the realisation that I'm broken. For you from what I've gathered, it's like because you didn't have a father figure there to look up to you fall for anyone. But like others have said, if you focus on yourself you really will see your worth and what you deserve and don't.

God Bless,
x

Reply 81

fatiana

22

Original post by Zargabaath

Just find a guy as clingy as yourself.

your profile picture just came perfect with the comment XD

Reply 82

Ahelpinghand

8

Original post by Anonymous

Is anyone else like this? If not, then do you have advice for me to stop being such a wuss?

I do think there is something psychological in this, I get attached very easily I think because I did not receive affection, approval or kindness from my father. When a man in my life shows me even a hint of these things I fall head over heels in love I can't stop thinking about them even when they reject me as it's always in a friendly or situation appropriate manner (e.g. my old boss, my old male counsellor, male friends etc.). Although the guys would never know it's not like I blow up their phones or harass them but on the quiet I'm absolutely heartbroken and obsessed.

I'm in my 20s now and I'm fed up of this. I've never been close to man in all my life. How can I stop acting like a fool so I can actually find a decent and healthy relationship?

Thanks :smile:

Aww sweetie! I wanna start by saying you're brave for being honest about this and secondly reassure you that you are not alone! I am 20 and I too can relate to this post so much!

Truth be told, yes it probably does stem from unresolved psychological problems. But it can also stem from the fact you are not giving yourself any self love. So any form of affection, you're immediately taking it as a form of love, when in reality it could be someone just simply being polite.

I struggle with this too, and I've had to overcome a few obstacles as it got to the point I was obsessing over things in my head that were not being mutually given back to me. I do still do it to be honest.

You just gotta learn to love yourself. Learn to define yourself without the bed of another being there. Being alone isn't the same as being lonely. You need to discover passion, hobbies and interests and learn to be kind to yourself. Only then will you be able to Differentiate between someone who is attracted to you and someone doing their job or being kind etc. If you love yourself, you give yourself a foundation of what is expected and what will not be tolerated. You're not crazy. Just perhaps a little confused and hurt. But you'll get better. You'll find yourself. You'll fall in love with yourself too, and my god it will be beautiful.
If you ever need to chat about this, feel free to contact me. I mean, I get this entirely.

Lots of love, H. xx

Reply 83

silverbolt

19

Original post by _Bright Eyes

Lots of negative and bad advice here.

It's perfectly normal to fall in love as easily as you describe. In my opinion, people who do are wonderful people, and if more people were like you the world would be a better place. It's not a negative trait that must be fixed. Look at it as a good thing, you connect to people and empathise very easily, you feel close to people easily, therefore you're more likely to treat people well and be a generally better person. Fall in love every day with someone.

You dont think that falling in love at the drop of a hat is a bad thing? The OP herself admitted that she has low self esteem so latches on to anyone who shows her the slightest kindness.

No it is not normal to fall in love like that. It speaks of low esteem based desperation and your post screams naive at best.

Reply 84

username1801065

18

how do you unfall out of love?

Reply 85

Anonymous #7

I used to be like that, just now I've been in love with the same girl for 5 years now despite the fact the doesn't love me back and I haven't seen her for 4 of those years.

Can't see me ever falling for someone else.

Reply 86

rosie_fre

My advice is stop going after man. Just tell yourself not to think about them in this way when you find yourself thinking about someone again. I bet you imagine yourself in relationship with someone when you like them, and imagine them asking you out. We've all been through this. Just tell yourself that you are not being defined by a man and focus on yourself. Also guys at that age do not want relationship. So why would we want?! We have to enjoy this time, not like you getting depressed because they do not like you this way.
One last advice- watch the tv series 2 broke girls. The humor of the dark-haired woman might help you get over this and it's really funny as well..
Good luck with the guys, or without them, preferably

Reply 87

sadly

16

Original post by Anonymous

Is anyone else like this? If not, then do you have advice for me to stop being such a wuss?

I do think there is something psychological in this, I get attached very easily I think because I did not receive affection, approval or kindness from my father. When a man in my life shows me even a hint of these things I fall head over heels in love I can't stop thinking about them even when they reject me as it's always in a friendly or situation appropriate manner (e.g. my old boss, my old male counsellor, male friends etc.). Although the guys would never know it's not like I blow up their phones or harass them but on the quiet I'm absolutely heartbroken and obsessed.

I'm in my 20s now and I'm fed up of this. I've never been close to man in all my life. How can I stop acting like a fool so I can actually find a decent and healthy relationship?

Thanks :smile:

I'm curious are you an Aries? if not what is your sign lol?

Reply 88

quiqui

Seriously, why are so many guys on here are just (only a four letter word would fit here).

Honey, it's understandable. Women are wired in some ways to seek emotional reassurance first. There's a saying that men look for sex and find love, and women look for love and find sex. I would say it would be good to try to build on yourself first and do more things that you love and enjoy and become a full person in just yourself.

Regarding to relationship, it may be good to date several men at once so you don't latch on to one person straight away and can see who you are truly attracted to and how you feel about them. Take it slow. It will take time, but it's good you are seeking help.

Reply 89

librarygirl

10

I'm the opposite. I used to, but now I don't let myself fall in love at all. That way I'm not hurt.

Reply 90

Ethereal World

3

Original post by Anonymous

I don't think there is such a thing :tongue:

As I stated in my OP I have no wish to continue being like this and what I want is a healthy and stable relationship which would not arise if we were both clingy.

Okay yes I am aware that my 'daddy issues' are a major component of this that's why I mentioned it. But what would you have me do about it, then? Do you think it I tried to work on the actual relationship I have with my father that it might help? He's very stoic and it's hard to get through to him on any emotional level and often he will just get angry.

I'm sorry that my initial post wasn't that helpful and I didn't elaborate. It might have seemed a bit brutal but it's just that this is probably stemming from how your father has treated you and it's a deeply psychological thing- almost like how your brain was wired as you were growing up. So it's not your fault nor is it something you can 'easily' work on to change. I would suggest trying to work on building a relationship with your father- if he is quite stoic I know it's difficult, but that might help. He does love you he probably just doesn't know how to show affection. Is your mum still around? How did your father treat her? Could you talk to her about it? Maybe understanding why he's like that or has been like that would really help you too. Maybe you need some cognitive behavioural therapy as well. As this is about your behaviour as a result of your cognition- so you need to work on changing that which is what CBT does. Feel free to PM me and once again I apologise if my initial comment wasn't helpful but it certainly wasn't meant to be as offensive as it may have looked at first. :smile:

FEED ME

Original post by mercuryman

true... to an extent. Girls who are too proud and independent are a big fat nono imo

That wasn't what I meant. I like those girls. In fact I hate weak women, if it's a choice, and the guys who want relationships with them only, whilst spitting misogyny about strong ones...it's odious. I don't think we'd get on.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 93

SaucissonSecCy

16

Original post by Anonymous

Men like you are a no-no to me because you lack empathy, you have narcissistic traits, and you clearly lack ability to be emotionally intimate with females. So if I were to raise daughters with an man like you then they would invariably end up sluts because you would give them Daddy issues. I'm dead serious, you have answered my posts before. Anyway, best of luck :h:

Ok, fair enough. Do I know you though? That's all I want to know.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 94

jiyongtoki

8

Original post by SaucissonSecCy

Women with Daddy issues seem a no-no to me, less mature, and secure, and invariably some of them end up sluts because they need male validation a lot and lack self-respect.

This is the most disgusting thing I've read get over yourself

Reply 95

Sgt_Haytham

2

Original post by Anonymous

Is anyone else like this? If not, then do you have advice for me to stop being such a wuss?

I do think there is something psychological in this, I get attached very easily I think because I did not receive affection, approval or kindness from my father. When a man in my life shows me even a hint of these things I fall head over heels in love I can't stop thinking about them even when they reject me as it's always in a friendly or situation appropriate manner (e.g. my old boss, my old male counsellor, male friends etc.). Although the guys would never know it's not like I blow up their phones or harass them but on the quiet I'm absolutely heartbroken and obsessed.

I'm in my 20s now and I'm fed up of this. I've never been close to man in all my life. How can I stop acting like a fool so I can actually find a decent and healthy relationship?

Thanks :smile:

What you're describing isn't love in its purest of forms, it's infatuation.

You're filling the void that your father left you with guys you meet and are infatuated by.

The only way to do this is realise that you're not in love with them before you get sucked into the same old routine.

Reply 96

SaucissonSecCy

16

Original post by jiyongtoki

This is the most disgusting thing I've read get over yourself

Really? The most disgusting? That's quite odd.

Men who pray on these women who I resent more....but they should stop being so lame....look at her...how can I stop being a wuss? She knows....

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 97

SaucissonSecCy

16

Loads of geminis on here, must be the mercurial/communicative thing. Not many Aquarians.

Reply 98

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by sadly

I'm curious are you an Aries? if not what is your sign lol?

No I'm not I'm actually on the cusp of Taurus and Gemini, though I usually just say I'm a Taurus. Any astrological advice for me? Honestly, I'll try anything :tongue:

Reply 99

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by SaucissonSecCy

Loads of geminis on here, must be the mercurial/communicative thing. Not many Aquarians.