I am mean towards guys I like, advice on how to stop!

I have a tendency of being mean or cold toward guys I like, There is a guy I like at uni and i fell into my habits, I wasn't mean but I would say I was cold for example I was not willing to talk much when I was around him, and when i would talk i kept it to a minimum. I noticed I was doing this and I made a real effort to be friendly. I think it worked cause we hit it off and we were talking whenever we were in the same places .

The thing is we are big group who hang around with each other and we mainly see each other in class. So obviously I would not go through a whole pack of people just to get to him and start talking to him. I am afraid that he may have seen this as being cold cause he has on a number occasions when I am with few of my friends say hello to them and completely blank me, I have to admit it scares me showing my feelings to someone I like. I definitely think we have a connection but he also speaks to a lot of girls in my course so there is nothing to say he doesn't feel more towards these other girls.

I want some advice on how to be open to him and make an effort without completely showing my feelings and I want to avoid to looking desperate.

Reply 1

shawn_o1

Are you ok talking to people in general? I think this is more to do with an anxiety because you seem to be scared of "being vulnerable".

Try being nice.

Original post by WoodyMKC

Try being nice.

As if that would help.

If you are not going to show your feelings, he will only see you as another girl.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 4

It's****ingWOODY

Original post by Impressive

As if that would help.

If you are not going to show your feelings, he will only see you as another girl.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Basically the same thing I said but more wordy.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by shawn_o1

Are you ok talking to people in general? I think this is more to do with an anxiety because you seem to be scared of "being vulnerable".

That's amazing you caught onto the anxiety straight away. I do suffer from social anxiety but I am definitely getting better. I have always been an introvert. I don't fear so much people not liking me as friends but its more when its someone I like as in romantically. I've never been in a relationship and in the past when guys I liked didn't reciprocate my feelings it really did affect me (I didn't help by being cold though). Sometimes I even feel maybe its a good thing it didn't work out as I would have no idea how to be with someone I like

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Impressive

As if that would help.

If you are not going to show your feelings, he will only see you as another girl.

Posted from TSR Mobile

That's a good point but am so scared of looking desperate. OK so If I am to show my feelings how am I supposed to do this without looking desperate? I literally don't know how to show him I like him.

Reply 7

1682795

Original post by Anonymous

That's a good point but am so scared of looking desperate. OK so If I am to show my feelings how am I supposed to do this without looking desperate? I literally don't know how to show him I like him.

If there are other girls around, you are no different to him now.

Let's think..

- try study together, only if you enjoy doing this
- get to know him more than anyone else and use it to your advantage, e.g. Asking personal questions
- ask him out
- tell him straight that you 'like him'

At the end you will be rejected or he will be happy to be with you

Which basically means, if you do not try you will regret, where if you try, you at least had a chance.

Ah, almost forgot, you will probably become anxious if you care and other girl will actually ask him out first.

If you got questions, ask, otherwise good luck.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by Impressive

Thanks this is really helpful. I don't think I will tell him straight out I like him that's way too much for me but i'll try the other suggestions.

I do have a question sometimes he is studying with a few friends usually with just one other guy friend, would it look weird if I went and joined them?

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Do you still talk to him, or are you both still avoiding each other
Do you have his number?, maybe ask him how he is doing and then slowly start talking more to him before you just join him working, maybe he is still upset at being ignored which is the reason why he is doing it back to you.

Reply 10

1682795

Original post by Anonymous

I knew you would not just tell him that you like him because the probability is very low, and doing this without confidence can lead to rejection and that's why I have placed this point at the bottom of my list.

And yes, it will look weird if you just walk in into their private space without invitation. If they don't give you one, make one. At the end you will see that there is nothing wrong with studying with other guys. I am telling you from my own experience.

One more important thing. During your studies make sure that you show your affection towards him, not the other guy. For example, if you are going to be afraid to speak to him and this will make you talk with the other person in your group, you will probably get his interest.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

Original post by shawn_o1

Are you ok talking to people in general? I think this is more to do with an anxiety because you seem to be scared of "being vulnerable".

I'm a guy and have the same problem of being vulnerable like OP. I feel incredibly stupid for liking and wanting to talk to a girl as well as make friends cos nobody will want me around.

What do you suggest?

Reply 12

shawn_o1

Original post by Anonymous

Do you currently attend any societies or clubs? It's OK if you can't speak up during your first few visits.

Reply 13

Anonymous #3

Original post by shawn_o1

Do you currently attend any societies or clubs? It's OK if you can't speak up during your first few visits.

Yes just one so far. I went to it and spoke up quite a bit.

Reply 14

Smonnie

You could always kidnap him?

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Original post by Impressive

Thanks for the advice! I didn't understand the last point so if am afraid to speak to him I should speak to his friend instead and this will spark his interest?

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Original post by Smonnie

You could always kidnap him?

Serious advice only please!

Reply 17

Smonnie

I think it's about changing the way you are to people across the board.

Make a conscious effort to smile and say hi to everyone, even if you don't feel like it.

In terms of the guy you like, you really need to find an opportunity to speak to him when nobody else is listening, so that you can be more open with him.

Guys have short memories - be friendly with him a few times and he will soon forget you were ever 'cold'.

:smile:

Reply 18

1682795

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks for the advice! I didn't understand the last point so if am afraid to speak to him I should speak to his friend instead and this will spark his interest?

No. My point was to focus more on the person you want to be with, if you start the conversation with his friend, he will probably think that you are not interested in him but the other guy.

Posted from TSR Mobile