I fall in love too easily with guys who show me a bit of kindness or affection

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What you're describing isn't love in its purest of forms, it's infatuation.

You're filling the void that your father left you with guys you meet and are infatuated by.

The only way to do this is realise that you're not in love with them before you get sucked into the same old routine.

I understand that it's not love in the sense that I've never experienced it. Nonetheless my problem remains, or perhaps is worse for this. I know I need to keep some distance though it's really hard. Even now I have been avoiding the guy that I was last admiring for weeks now with NC but this weekend I just felt so lonely and couldn't stop thinking about him and how I could give him everything if he would just give me a chance. I know that's so lame :frown:

Reply 101

Anonymous #1

Original post by SaucissonSecCy

Ok, fair enough. Do I know you though? That's all I want to know.

I have spoken to you here a few times, yes.

Reply 102

Anonymous #1

Original post by DanielPhillips

FEED ME

Reply 103

Goaded

I'm the exact same. :s-smilie:

Reply 104

Andy98

Original post by Goaded

I'm the exact same. :s-smilie:

Same

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 105

Anonymous #1

Original post by SaucissonSecCy

Really? The most disgusting? That's quite odd.

Men who pray on these women who I resent more....but they should stop being so lame....look at her...how can I stop being a wuss? She knows....

Well at least I'm trying to reach out and seek help for my circumstances and to take positive steps to change things...

Reply 106

Goaded

Original post by Andy98

Same

Posted from TSR Mobile

you fall in love with men when they show you affection too? :biggrin:

Reply 107

Alexion

Original post by Goaded

I'm the exact same. :s-smilie:

Original post by Andy98

Same

I'm'a throw in a 'same' too :3

Reply 108

Goaded

Original post by Alexion

I'm'a throw in a 'same' too :3

i see you falling in love very easy actually :tongue:

Reply 109

Anonymous #1

Original post by EtherealNymph22

I'm sorry that my initial post wasn't that helpful and I didn't elaborate. It might have seemed a bit brutal but it's just that this is probably stemming from how your father has treated you and it's a deeply psychological thing- almost like how your brain was wired as you were growing up. So it's not your fault nor is it something you can 'easily' work on to change. I would suggest trying to work on building a relationship with your father- if he is quite stoic I know it's difficult, but that might help. He does love you he probably just doesn't know how to show affection. Is your mum still around? How did your father treat her? Could you talk to her about it? Maybe understanding why he's like that or has been like that would really help you too. Maybe you need some cognitive behavioural therapy as well. As this is about your behaviour as a result of your cognition- so you need to work on changing that which is what CBT does. Feel free to PM me and once again I apologise if my initial comment wasn't helpful but it certainly wasn't meant to be as offensive as it may have looked at first. :smile:

I hope it's not too late to rewire my brain.

I think you are right he does love me but unfortunately doesn't not know how to express emotions, other than anger. Probably to do with his own upbringing. I strive to be the opposite to him and be open and expressive but it's not healthy to be so. I don't want to be cold and emotionless like him.

Yes my mum is still around and has kept me sane. They are actually still married but he treats her like rubbish, threatens to walk out on the family, spends little time in the home, is very controlling and abusive towards her. I grew up an only child and I wanted so desperately to help her be happy whilst at the same time have his approval. I felt like my presence and love wasn't enough to hold the family together and I still feel guilt over that.

Anyhow thanks yes I will look up CBT :smile:

Reply 110

Alexion

Original post by Goaded

i see you falling in love very easy actually :tongue:

like literally anyone who says nice stuff to me I'm like "plz love me" inside :rofl:

Reply 111

Anonymous #1

Original post by librarygirl

I'm the opposite. I used to, but now I don't let myself fall in love at all. That way I'm not hurt.

A big part of me wants to be like that and just build up the walls and let no one in, but I hate being lonely too much :frown:

Reply 112

Anonymous #1

Original post by Alexion

like literally anyone who says nice stuff to me I'm like "plz love me" inside :rofl:

You summed up how I am pretty well there :frown:

It's awful being like this I can't take it any more it's a recipe for disaster after disaster....

Reply 113

Andy98

Original post by Goaded

you fall in love with men when they show you affection too? :biggrin:

Yes, only those men have vaginas and boobies in my case :wink:

Original post by Alexion

I'm'a throw in a 'same' too :3

Three way? :tongue:

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Reply 114

Goaded

Original post by Alexion

like literally anyone who says nice stuff to me I'm like "plz love me" inside :rofl:

you have summarised me as a person.

Reply 115

Anonymous #1

Original post by quiqui

Seriously, why are so many guys on here are just (only a four letter word would fit here).

Honey, it's understandable. Women are wired in some ways to seek emotional reassurance first. There's a saying that men look for sex and find love, and women look for love and find sex. I would say it would be good to try to build on yourself first and do more things that you love and enjoy and become a full person in just yourself.

Regarding to relationship, it may be good to date several men at once so you don't latch on to one person straight away and can see who you are truly attracted to and how you feel about them. Take it slow. It will take time, but it's good you are seeking help.

I'm uncomfortable at the thought of dating more than one man at once :frown:

Although it would probably be healthier for me. How do I get over that?

I'm definitely working on me as well and have been for sometime, but oh these crazy moments :h:

Reply 116

Anonymous #1

Original post by Goaded

you have summarised me as a person.

Are you me? Because that was my summary too :tongue:

Reply 117

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

I used to be like that, just now I've been in love with the same girl for 5 years now despite the fact the doesn't love me back and I haven't seen her for 4 of those years.

Can't see me ever falling for someone else.

Awww that's really sad :frown:

All I can say is life is short and only comes around once so don't waste any more time on her. Some girl will recognize your worth and could give you a shot at happiness but you won't even see it if you are blinded by the past.

I pledge not to waste my time any more or people who don't give a rubbish.