My father is having an affair !!! Do I tell my mum.. :(

So, for those who'd say ooh, it has nothing to do with you ...or .. it's none of your business ... This is a grownup issue, let your parents solve their own problems ... Bla bla bla .. then please just leave for god's sake and don't comment as I'm already having a bad day, I just really want some good and helpful advice!!

So my parents have been married for 36 years, and I'm the eldest (16 y/o) of 7 siblings.

For the past couple months, mid-2015, my father has been acting a bit strange in sense that he could be seeing someone else. He changed his mobile password and doesn't want anyone to touch his phone, including my mum.

Incase if you're wondering, we have this policy in our house were we all should know each others passwords, so it's a normal thing in my family, I mean we all knew my dad's password for ages, it's just that my dad never had anything to hide from us..

My mum was also a bit suspicious (my mum and I are very VERY close, I'd tell her everything and she'd also tell me everything that's going on with her, we really have this strong bond between us)

So last week on Saturday, I woke up at 6 am and felt a bit hungry so I was on my way downstairs to the kitchen. As I was going down, I could hear my dad talking on the phone in a really soft, gentle tone or romantic should I say. I'm being completely honest here, you see my father is that type of person who'd change his tone when he's talking to different people, the way he talks to my mum is COMPLETELY different to the way he'd talks to his friends, you get what I mean, so I felt like he was talking to a woman on the phone, but wasn't quite sure until he ended the call with love you, I'll talk to you when I'm out..

I love my father from the bottom of my heart, he has done EVERYTHING for me, my siblings and my mum.
He'd buy me anything if I asked and would always tell me to ask for more.. but the fact that he has "cheated" on my mum behind her back, just makes me wanna hate him.. I haven't told my mum anything, cos I wasn't a 100 % sure yet ...

.. till 3 days ago when my dad went to the toilet in the living room and forgot to lock his phone. So I immediately went through his messages. I was completely in shock and in tears cos all this time I kept telling myself that it's not true and that I was exaggerating.. but boy I was wrong.. So I decided to write her number down so that my older cousin could track her down.

We found her facebook and she's only 7 years older than me. I'm afraid to tell my mum because she has always been a housewife and wouldn't be able to manage if they separated. and if I keep my mouth shut, I'd be really depressed, (but I already am now) .. And don't think I'll pass my AS levels in that state.. I don't want my mum to be living a lie for the rest of her life.

I just felt the need to remove the burden off my chest.. :frown:

Reply 1

College_Dropout

21

You want good and helpful advice as long as its not X, Y or Z? You have negated every response to the situation except one.

Reply 2

goldenshades

19

Aw no, I'm really sorry that you've had to go through this :frown:

Have you thought about getting in contact with the woman and telling her to back off (explaining the situation that she's with a married man who's your dad etc.) - perhaps she is unaware of what's been happening, hence also has a right to know, and so she may be willing to cooperate with you. But yes, I believe that you should tell your mum, especially due to how close you are. I think it's best that you tell her face to face all the things you've come across and let her work it out for herself. If you're still unsure then always remember you can contact Childline (either by phone or online) -- they give amazing advice. Either way, please stay strong; I wish you good luck :smile:

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 3

an_atheist

15

I would tell your mother and then let her deal with it in the way she feels best.

Reply 4

Kvothe the Arcane

20

Sorry to hear about your experience.

I would confront your father and give him an ultimatum: spill or you'll tell her yourself.

Reply 5

Andy98

20

Honestly, I'd keep it quiet. More because I wouldn't want to mess anything up or anything.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 6

maggie43

16

Original post by Anonymous

So, for those who'd say ooh, it has nothing to do with you ...or .. it's none of your business ... This is a grownup issue, let your parents solve their own problems ... Bla bla bla .. then please just leave for god's sake and don't comment as I'm already having a bad day, I just really want some good and helpful advice!!

So my parents have been married for 36 years, and I'm the eldest (16 y/o) of 7 siblings.

For the past couple months, mid-2015, my father has been acting a bit strange in sense that he could be seeing someone else. He changed his mobile password and doesn't want anyone to touch his phone, including my mum.

Incase if you're wondering, we have this policy in our house were we all should know each others passwords, so it's a normal thing in my family, I mean we all knew my dad's password for ages, it's just that my dad never had anything to hide from us..

My mum was also a bit suspicious (my mum and I are very VERY close, I'd tell her everything and she'd also tell me everything that's going on with her, we really have this strong bond between us)

So last week on Saturday, I woke up at 6 am and felt a bit hungry so I was on my way downstairs to the kitchen. As I was going down, I could hear my dad talking on the phone in a really soft, gentle tone or romantic should I say. I'm being completely honest here, you see my father is that type of person who'd change his tone when he's talking to different people, the way he talks to my mum is COMPLETELY different to the way he'd talks to his friends, you get what I mean, so I felt like he was talking to a woman on the phone, but wasn't quite sure until he ended the call with love you, I'll talk to you when I'm out..

I love my father from the bottom of my heart, he has done EVERYTHING for me, my siblings and my mum.
He'd buy me anything if I asked and would always tell me to ask for more.. but the fact that he has "cheated" on my mum behind her back, just makes me wanna hate him.. I haven't told my mum anything, cos I wasn't a 100 % sure yet ...

.. till 3 days ago when my dad went to the toilet in the living room and forgot to lock his phone. So I immediately went through his messages. I was completely in shock and in tears cos all this time I kept telling myself that it's not true and that I was exaggerating.. but boy I was wrong.. So I decided to write her number down so that my older cousin could track her down.

We found her facebook and she's only 7 years older than me. I'm afraid to tell my mum because she has always been a housewife and wouldn't be able to manage if they separated. and if I keep my mouth shut, I'd be really depressed, (but I already am now) .. And don't think I'll pass my AS levels in that state.. I don't want my mum to be living a lie for the rest of her life.

I just felt the need to remove the burden off my chest.. :frown:

Your mom will find out soon enough. What ever happens in the dark, will come out in the light. Just don't check his phone anymore. Next time when you have got really really strong evidence, show it to your mum of course without your dad finding out. Or you can follow your dad and get him on the spot like if he's going to see her but go with your mum. Or maybe talk to this girl, and tell her to leave your dad alone. Or next time you get hold of your dad's phone, get her number and block it and completely delete it.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Confront your dad

OP I'm sorry for the situation you are in :frown:

I would confront your father, tell him you know everything, but don't be aggressive. Just tell him how you're hurt, how this has an extremely negative impact on your life. Make him see sense. This might encourage him to break off this relationship. That being said, it will only be a matter of time before your mum finds out. So maybe try and talk to your dad privately as soon as possible.
Another user suggested talking to the women in question. This is a good idea, maybe make HER see sense and stop the affair, especially if it's coming from a mature 16/17 year old girl. Again say that she will destroy your family, ruin your future etc. But don't be aggressive. IMO aggression makes the situation worse.
I wouldn't keep my mouth shut...but at the same time I wouldn't tell any of my younger siblings as they probably wouldn't be mature enough to handle the emotions they might experience...
Hope that helps

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 9

MIIDA

1

I am very sorry for what you are going through, carrying all this burden alone, be strong and stay positive, this relationship your dad has with this young girl would not last. If l were you l would sit my dad down and have a heart to heart talk with him, if he loves and cares for his family as much as you said he does he would reconsider and think twice about what he is doing. Be strong for your mum.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 10

MIIDA

1

[QUOTE=homeland.lsw;62365519]OP I'm sorry for the situation you are in :frown:

I would confront your father, tell him you know everything, but don't be aggressive. Just tell him how you're hurt, how this has an extremely negative impact on your life. Make him see sense. This might encourage him to break off this relationship. That being said, it will only be a matter of time before your mum finds out. So maybe try and talk to your dad privately as soon as possible.
Another user suggested talking to the women in question. This is a good idea, maybe make HER see sense and stop the affair, especially if it's coming from a mature 16/17 year old girl. Again say that she will destroy your family, ruin your future etc. But don't be aggressive. IMO aggression makes the situation worse.
I wouldn't keep my mouth shut...but at the same time I wouldn't tell any of my younger siblings as they probably wouldn't be mature enough to handle the emotions they might experience...
Hope that helps

I agree with everything you have said but confronting the women is a wrong move and a NO NO NO, if she is a desperado she would not back off, she would not see sense, she would be more determine to ruin your family, You think she is not aware your dad has a wife and children? She does not care, she will be more determined and she will make the situation even worse. All the best and stay strong.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 11

username1738583

21

Original post by MIIDA

I agree with everything you have said but confronting the women is a wrong move and a NO NO NO, if she is a desperado she would not back off, she would not see sense, she would be more determine to ruin your family, You think she is not aware your dad has a wife and children? She does not care, she will be more determined and she will making the situation even worse.

I agree, but we don't know if this women is some b*tch that won't see sense, or if she might agree if she knew ALL the circumstances... Honestly OP would know and be able to make a choice from there.

Reply 12

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

x

confront your dad, tell him you know and you're gonna tell your mum if he doesn't
give him a day
then tell your mum
and facebook the girl cos she might not know he has a family and it aint her fault either

good luck :wink:

Reply 13

Josb

6

A 23yo girl dating a man in his 40s with 7 children? damn, what's the point for her?

Reply 14

Anonymous #2

Original post by Josb

A 23yo girl dating a man in his 40s with 7 children? damn, what's the point for her?

she might not know he's got kids

Reply 15

Josb

6

Original post by Anonymous

she might not know he's got kids

Tell her. You have her number.

Reply 16

Yellow 03

15

Original post by Anonymous

So, for those who'd say ooh, it has nothing to do with you ...or .. it's none of your business ... This is a grownup issue, let your parents solve their own problems ... Bla bla bla .. then please just leave for god's sake and don't comment as I'm already having a bad day, I just really want some good and helpful advice!!

So my parents have been married for 36 years, and I'm the eldest (16 y/o) of 7 siblings.

For the past couple months, mid-2015, my father has been acting a bit strange in sense that he could be seeing someone else. He changed his mobile password and doesn't want anyone to touch his phone, including my mum.

Incase if you're wondering, we have this policy in our house were we all should know each others passwords, so it's a normal thing in my family, I mean we all knew my dad's password for ages, it's just that my dad never had anything to hide from us..

My mum was also a bit suspicious (my mum and I are very VERY close, I'd tell her everything and she'd also tell me everything that's going on with her, we really have this strong bond between us)

So last week on Saturday, I woke up at 6 am and felt a bit hungry so I was on my way downstairs to the kitchen. As I was going down, I could hear my dad talking on the phone in a really soft, gentle tone or romantic should I say. I'm being completely honest here, you see my father is that type of person who'd change his tone when he's talking to different people, the way he talks to my mum is COMPLETELY different to the way he'd talks to his friends, you get what I mean, so I felt like he was talking to a woman on the phone, but wasn't quite sure until he ended the call with love you, I'll talk to you when I'm out..

I love my father from the bottom of my heart, he has done EVERYTHING for me, my siblings and my mum.
He'd buy me anything if I asked and would always tell me to ask for more.. but the fact that he has "cheated" on my mum behind her back, just makes me wanna hate him.. I haven't told my mum anything, cos I wasn't a 100 % sure yet ...

.. till 3 days ago when my dad went to the toilet in the living room and forgot to lock his phone. So I immediately went through his messages. I was completely in shock and in tears cos all this time I kept telling myself that it's not true and that I was exaggerating.. but boy I was wrong.. So I decided to write her number down so that my older cousin could track her down.

We found her facebook and she's only 7 years older than me. I'm afraid to tell my mum because she has always been a housewife and wouldn't be able to manage if they separated. and if I keep my mouth shut, I'd be really depressed, (but I already am now) .. And don't think I'll pass my AS levels in that state.. I don't want my mum to be living a lie for the rest of her life.

I just felt the need to remove the burden off my chest.. :frown:

I am confused by your post. You are asking for good and helpful advice on whether you should tell your mum about the affair, and at the same time you have rejected from the outset any helpful suggestions that anyone could give you except to tell your mum (which is not good advice). It does not sound that you are sincerely asking for advice, so you might as well do what you have already decided to do.