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Guys, do you feel insecure when your girlfriend is making more money than you?

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I understand...I 100% understand. But am I just expected to compromise on what I wanted for him?

I mean...the whole point in me going to uni, getting a good job, earning money, was to enjoy it. Now..it's just sitting in the bank because we can't experience it together.

What would be the best way to change this mentality?

You cannot change it. I have tried with mine. He will not change unless he wants too. He was a good guy. He was okay. He was not lazy. He got a job. But there is a big but. Earning is not his priority. He was a kinda of guy that simply want a simple life. I tried pushing him a little bit, but he does not have self-confidence.

Reply 101

Cremated_Spatula

Original post by ellej93

Just curious on other guys view on this issue. I have been in a six years relationship and we ended badly.

I honestly wouldn't care.

Reply 102

Satoshii

Original post by stargirl63

I'm a girl, and I'm in a situation now where i earn more than my bf. It's okay.

He likes to pay for me, so I suggest to go to cheap places - Nandos, Zizzi etc.

We go half when it's big sums of money like holidays etc.

HOWEVER...it's madly frustrating for me. For example, when I would like to go on holiday to Barbados, when he can only afford to go to Paris. When I want to get a nice all inclusive hotel, but he would want a B&B. Or for example, when I would like to spend a nice day going to a fancy dinner with my bf, but he can't afford it (even if we go half). So I end up not going, or going to the "romantic" dinner with one of my friends...which sort of defeats the point.

I also feel very very guilty when he does want to "treat" me...and it costs him half his savings and I see him struggle for the rest of the month. But then, he feels guilty when I pay for him.

It's difficult tbh. I try not to tell him my frustrations, but at the moment, it's costing me - We are looking at moving into a flat together. I can buy a flat, I have the deposit money ready to put down. He has basically no savings, and is suggesting to rent for the time being. I'm saying that renting is a waste of money especially when we (I mean me) can afford to buy a flat, and renting is throwing away our deposit money for nothing. He says he can't buy a flat now, so lets rent. Why should I rent and waste my money paying landlords mortgage just because he has a **** job.

It's so damn annoying. I'd prefer to date someone who was on the same level as me.

wow you're actually such a bitch, do you think he wants to have a shitty job? no. You're blaming him for something he doesn't really have much control over, and the fact that he still spends whatever he has on you despite him not being well off just makes you look like more of a bitch - if all males acted the same way you are then i assure you 85% would be single tomorrow, sorry 95%

Reply 103

ellej93

Lucky for those who have worked this out. It worked for me, for 6 years. But I don't know. Its just when you both don't have the same dream, I guess it's really hard. I have tried and understood everything but it seems it will always be his insecurity. I know I can feel it every time he wants to exercise his male dominance attitude, even on small things. Thanks for all your opinions and to all women who shared the same experience.

Reply 104

stargirl63

Original post by Satoshii

He should have thought of that when he was failing school. Or would rather watch Netflix for 5 hours (I wish I was joking) than look for better jobs online?

Am I a bitch for offering to pay him out of everything? He'd have bailiffs knocking at his door everyday if it wasn't for me being such a "bitch".

The thing with males acting the same way is that it's a masculine thing to be the bread winner. And most women would be very happy if they were paid for. In this instance, he doesn't like to be paid for, and would rather struggle out of sheer "pride" (usually making matters worse when he takes out loans and has interest to pay) than say he needs some financial help.

Reply 105

stargirl63

Original post by ellej93

What happened in your situation?

Reply 106

JC.

Original post by stargirl63

Our idea of romance is the same. Our bank balance isn't. If you want nice things, you gotta be prepared to pay for it. Dinner at the Shard is expensive. Holidays to the Caribbean is expensive. The nice bag in that cute shop..is expensive. I'll happily pay for him - just so I can have the experience myself, and he feels very uncomfortable, or suggests to go somewhere else etc... and I understand why, but it's like I can't win.

I'm not high maintenance...and I don't ask him to pay for these things (not that he could even if I wanted him to). But it's the things I feel like I'm missing out on that I hate. One of my friends recently came back from a trip to Goa. Beautiful trip. Beautiful photos of her and her boyfriend. Shame I can't have that with him.

Says who?
My other half and I started out with nothing and we built a life and a business together. Everything we make goes into 1 pot.

The reason most folk part company is over money and it really doesn't need to be an issue. The whole "mine and yours" thing works fine when you're single but to my mind you share everything when you're in a commited relationship.

Without trying to blow my own trumpet, we have a good standard of life, our own place, have owned in excess of 80 vehicles between us over the years and live on our own terms.
That being said, there's very few things that we have that i consider to be "mine" and mine alone. I have a toothbrush, a razor, clothes and shoes. Everything else is "ours" whether that's whatever we have in the bank, cars and bikes on the drive or a can of soup in the cupboard.

Money is only an issue if you allow it to be. :smile:

Reply 107

Daniellaaa

Only if there was a large gap

Reply 108

Pariah

Original post by JC.

Money is only an issue if you allow it to be. :smile:

not really. money is an issue when you have different approaches to the getting and spending of it. if your partner had wanted to spend every spare penny while you were trying to build a business (or vice versa...) do you think it would have worked out as well?

Reply 109

ellej93

Original post by stargirl63

What happened in your situation?

I ended up the relationship. My mum was not happy on what was going on. I looked like I aged 10 years due to the stress. So much wounds and sore spots, especially on financial aspect.

Reply 110

ellej93

Original post by Pariah

I totally agree. I had this issue with my partner. We did a business together. Just a small one and for the sake of trying it. It did not do well so we stopped. He borrowed the money, saying he will try for another. Well, nothing happened and I asked where he spent the money. He did not gave me a clear answer and up to know I still don't know.

Reply 111

Imperion

Original post by Daniellaaa

Only if there was a large gap

C@7f15h confirmed

Reply 112

ron_trns

Fewer men have problems with this than society would lead you to believe this isn't the 50s and women are easily capable of out-earning men and I don't see a problem with it. If I felt I would do the same for my partner (and I would) then I wouldn't feel guilty if she did the same for me. I would feel cared for. The real problem here is with women who don't/can't accept this and are in relationships with people who they are eanring more than. In which case why are you in the relationship?

I am a pretty career motivated person so my partner doesn't have to (she wouldn't anyway) nag at me to try and earn more but if she did I would sure as hell not be happy. Money is nowhere near the most important thing in a relationship especially when you get to the level of having excess to spend on luxury items. Therefore I have no sympathy for people who constantly are on their partners backs to tell them to find a better job/get more money.

There is however a point in that if you for example are the sole earner and your other half spends 90% of your cash w/o your permission, obviously this is an issue but that has less to do with money and more to do with the fact he/she is a selfish a-hole. A completely different issue.

Reply 113

Daniellaaa

Original post by Imperion

C@7f15h confirmed

Pendejo

Reply 114

JC.

Original post by Pariah

Being in a successful relationship is about agreeing a compromise on every and all issues.

You can tell me I'm wrong if you like, but I'm not the one embroiled in an argument. :wink:

Reply 115

Pariah

Original post by JC.

Being in a successful relationship is about agreeing a compromise on every and all issues.

You can tell me I'm wrong if you like, but I'm not the one embroiled in an argument. :wink:

you seem to have missed my point and you haven't answered my question

if your partner had consistently over time wanted to spend money you wanted to put into the business on something else would it have worked out?

Reply 116

marialatten

The girl cannot sacrifice every given opportunity to go on holiday in the UK. Don't be silly, there are things you will never be able to see or experience in this country so don't spout nonsense like "theres beautiful places in the UK". Okay, do we have the Sahara desert here? Can you view the Glaciers here too? She even offers to contribute or pay for the whole expenses and how long will someone put up with this before they become fed up?

It just seems to me that you'd prefer to be with someone on your level because you have ambitions you want to fulfil. Why can't your boyfriend just accept you offering to contribute to expenses. Clearly he feels less of a man but we're in 2016 now tf? Money doesn't make one more superior to the other.

Theres too many things that clash between you both. So is it even worth it?