I went over to this guys house... I'm not quite sure what happened here?

i'm going to ignore the bottom reply.

'a little'? you turned him down three times. **** leaves an impact.

oi. you do know there are 'rape' (according to the law; but most of these turned out to be false allegations; but the guys' name was never cleared) cases wherein the girl said 'no' as you did; and then the guy was taken to court right?

besides, girls (friends) go chill at guys' house as well. but nothing sexual goes on. the fact that you stayed there wouldn't mean anything to the dude as he'd be busy wondering if he'd done something wrong. **** the 'hints'. guys don't do hints. i thought most girls knew this by now.

facts of this? you told the dude 'no'. 'no' = 'no'. it doesn't equal 'lets try something different'. it means (to the guy) 'you've done something wrong and you need to lay off her'; no matter how many times it was said. which is what he did. no ****ing guy is a mind reader for the love of peace.

if you wanted something different, why the hell didn't you just initiate something else then?

btw, there is no 'ego' involved here. wanting to not do something illegal doesn't mean he has an ego.

You've completely confused me - do you remember typing this? Am I missing something? o.O

As you posed the same question to me but I couldn't fit it in between quotes - I'd do exactly what I described - I'd understand that she wasn't in the mood to do more than kissing and the dry humping was just making her uncomfortable, so I'd continue kissing and reassure her that it's okay, my feelings aren't hurt, and perhaps we'll do more in the future. Simple. I don't have to be her boyfriend to react that way.

It's a shame when something like this happens and it is awkward for all involved. The better strategy if you are turned on but the girl isn't feeling it, or indeed the other way round, is to stop and do something else to clear your palate and come back to it later. Otherwise what horniness you do have will be bound up with anxiety about how bad and forced the sex is, and when it all goes off at half cock, to coin a phrase, you get resentment too.

Maybe suggest this to him so future encounters don't end up like this. It's hard to deal with if you're not experienced (and it doesn't sound like he is either) so hopefully you will puzzle it out.

I remember everything I've typed. I have been looking at things from a different perspective to understand how he is feeling and the points others on this thread have made.



I hear you. It sounds like you are very understanding!

Please don't take Ridingmyego's response as exceptional (difficult in the context of this thread, I know, but it is TSR). That should be the minimum level of understanding acceptable. Set your boundaries and hold firm, don't let yourself be guilt-tripped by selfish ***** who are too focused on how to get sexual activity at any cost to check what's right/wrong when all doesn't go to plan.

Sounds like an episode of inbetweeners

It really is... I admit I should have suggested going back to the kissing part but what's done is done now. I thought he would have asked if there is anything else we could do instead.

I am clueless in this department, but I know what I like and don't like. I figured he was more experienced from what he's said, however I suspected from early on that he might have been a late bloomer. I have no issue with this just don't want to experience anything like this again. Thank you.

As you posed the same question to me but I couldn't fit it in between quotes - I'd do exactly what I described - I'd understand that she wasn't in the mood to do more than kissing and the dry humping was just making her uncomfortable, so I'd continue kissing and reassure her that it's okay, my feelings aren't hurt, and perhaps we'll do more in the future. Simple. I don't have to be her boyfriend to react that way.

Not wanting to engage in dry humping is not a rejection, it's simply not wanting to engage in a particular behaviour.

Maybe get some maturity.

A well-balanced male:

"Initiates a sexual behaviour in new relationship, girl doesn't feel comfortable with it or doesn't particularly want to engage in said behaviour. Well-balanced Joe thinks okay, she either doesn't like that sort of thing (believe it or not, not every woman will respond to dry humping with glee), or she's not ready. Simple. Well-balanced Joy thinks fair enough, and they spend the rest of the evening making out or watching TV.

Lol what a loser

Contrary to the way girls are socialised, it's best to speak up when it comes to sex, goodness knows guys aren't the best mind-readers as it is. If you want to take it in a particular direction simply lead him in that direction. It is as much your sex as his. Best of luck

You turned him down basically.. its obvious why hes upset.. I'd like to know how tgis story ends.

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i'm going to ignore the bottom reply.

'a little'? you turned him down three times. **** leaves an impact.

oi. you do know there are 'rape' (according to the law; but most of these turned out to be false allegations; but the guys' name was never cleared) cases wherein the girl said 'no' as you did; and then the guy was taken to court right?

besides, girls (friends) go chill at guys' house as well. but nothing sexual goes on. the fact that you stayed there wouldn't mean anything to the dude as he'd be busy wondering if he'd done something wrong. **** the 'hints'. guys don't do hints. i thought most girls knew this by now.

facts of this? you told the dude 'no'. 'no' = 'no'. it doesn't equal 'lets try something different'. it means (to the guy) 'you've done something wrong and you need to lay off her'; no matter how many times it was said. which is what he did. no ****ing guy is a mind reader for the love of peace.

if you wanted something different, why the hell didn't you just initiate something else then?

btw, there is no 'ego' involved here. wanting to not do something illegal doesn't mean he has an ego.

The full story was he friend requested me on fb and we chatted/flirted and met up twice. The second time i went round his (he lived in halls) watched a video and made out. I thought he was going to go further and i instantly froze and pushed him away. I didn't feel a connection to him and it was too soon. I was 19 and we were both at uni. He just broke up with his ex a few month prior to meeting me. When i pushed him away could tell he was annoyed but i brushed it off.

Next day i texted him and could tell he was quite short with his replies. I said i would like us to hang out and he said he was busy with classes even though we were first years so i knew Wednesdays afternoon he didn't have classes (we met just after freshers).
I saw a post by him on fb saying he was in a dilemma or something i instantly knew he was referring to me so i asked him to be honest with me if he was ok with me and he said he thought i messed with his head he wanted something casual.
2 weeks later he met someone else as he texted me to tell me how amazing she was (we would generally text each other about how we were etc).
He just wanted a casual fling with me and knew i wasn't that type so then the texts and calls stopped. I didn't feel that connection or even an attraction to him so wasn't heartbroken.

This is why i don't like flirting online before meeting someone as i felt we had chemistry online but not when we met.

Not wanting to engage in dry humping is not a rejection, it's simply not wanting to engage in a particular behaviour.

Maybe get some maturity.

A well-balanced male:

"Initiates a sexual behaviour in new relationship, girl doesn't feel comfortable with it or doesn't particularly want to engage in said behaviour. Well-balanced Joe thinks okay, she either doesn't like that sort of thing (believe it or not, not every woman will respond to dry humping with glee), or she's not ready. Simple. Well-balanced Joy thinks fair enough, and they spend the rest of the evening making out or watching TV.

TheDanIdentity, Mancini, and clearly the OPs boyfriend:

"Repeat the above. Except when the woman doesn't want to be dry humped, take it as a personal rejection. Because she doesn't want to be dry humped she doesn't like me, she doesn't find me attractive and wouldn't ever want sex with me. How could she lead me on like this? How can she reject me like this? 😡😢😥



Guess who has the sex in the long run? And guess who ends up lonely and bitter from the situation?


If you take everytime a girl does not want to engage in a certain sexual behaviour as a form of rejection, you will be far more worse off. Try and gain some higher understanding.

Yes, but I thought women were supposed to be emotionally intelligent. Clearly one doesn't just say "no" flatly without explanation. One explains. That's the normal thing to do in other walks of life when you have to refuse someone something they want. Why should Joe have to engage in a mental guessing game, especially when many men may be inexperienced or lack emotional intelligence. Indeed after a failed sexual encounter feelings should be laid bare so as to turn it into a learning and growing experience between the couple.

Don't insult me by claiming I am anything like the OP's male friend , don't even think it's her boyfriend as you foolishly claim.

When I fck a woman I fck her, no dry humping at all, sort yourself out. Also you have no right to put others down by insinuating they are not well balanced.