Causes of loneliness
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Because OCD isn't really understood and so many people have brought me down for having it or playing it as a joke so I feel as though I don't have many people to turn to when it really strikes me. Its a very isolating condition. I have my mum and partner but I often don't want to trouble them with it since they have had to put up with it for years even though they always say I can turn to them day or night, my stubbornness gets in the way a lot.
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Original post by moment of truth
Hey,
We all feel lonely at different times in our life, some more than others. What would you guys say are your main causes of feeling lonely?
We all feel lonely at different times in our life, some more than others. What would you guys say are your main causes of feeling lonely?
I am feeling lonely at the moment. Currently sat in a box room. Speaking to 0 people in person or online at the moment.
feeling 100 percent bored.
I LOVE UNI
I think all of us lie somewhere on a spectrum of how much we need the company of others and how much we prefer time to ourselves. Personally, I have realised I am happy doing things myself that most people are not from about the age of 6! I find protracted periods of company (like being on holiday with other people or staffing a school residential) extremely enjoyable but.........the word I would use is 'intense.' So on the spectrum I am definitely a good way down the 'prefer time to myself' end although of course no man is an island and too much alone time is bad!
Living on my own, I find the loneliest times can be weekends if I haven't arranged to meet anyone or even evenings after work. I definitely find Winter and dark cold evenings lonelier. Holidays from work (which for singletons can be our main source of interacting with others) can also be lonely. I tend to holiday alone (abroad!) and find the daytime fine but do find eating alone in a restaurant in the evening quite uncomfortable - I either find a restaurant that is quite empty (so they will be glad of any custom and you are not 'occupying' a table that could have had 2 people on it, one where there is at least another lone diner - where I will deliberately ask to sit close by so us singletons look more 'common and even sometimes in the hope of striking up a conversation and even eating with them - which can happen, or keep returning to a restaurant where it is evident they 'don't mind' singletons! Or if feeling more antisocial go somewhere with a takeaway like a pizza place! I do find long walks are therapeutic as they tend to put your whole life in perspective and allow you to mentally leave the 'here and now' for a few hours.
I agree about the FB comments - sometimes reading FB threads it appears everyone else is having 'the time of their lives' sometimes but as has been said, this is a biased self-representation of their lives and people have actually told me my FB posts make me look the 'adventurous one!' Remember at any one time most of your FB friends will not actually be doing anything of great interest and therefore not be posting about it!
Living on my own, I find the loneliest times can be weekends if I haven't arranged to meet anyone or even evenings after work. I definitely find Winter and dark cold evenings lonelier. Holidays from work (which for singletons can be our main source of interacting with others) can also be lonely. I tend to holiday alone (abroad!) and find the daytime fine but do find eating alone in a restaurant in the evening quite uncomfortable - I either find a restaurant that is quite empty (so they will be glad of any custom and you are not 'occupying' a table that could have had 2 people on it, one where there is at least another lone diner - where I will deliberately ask to sit close by so us singletons look more 'common and even sometimes in the hope of striking up a conversation and even eating with them - which can happen, or keep returning to a restaurant where it is evident they 'don't mind' singletons! Or if feeling more antisocial go somewhere with a takeaway like a pizza place! I do find long walks are therapeutic as they tend to put your whole life in perspective and allow you to mentally leave the 'here and now' for a few hours.
I agree about the FB comments - sometimes reading FB threads it appears everyone else is having 'the time of their lives' sometimes but as has been said, this is a biased self-representation of their lives and people have actually told me my FB posts make me look the 'adventurous one!' Remember at any one time most of your FB friends will not actually be doing anything of great interest and therefore not be posting about it!
Original post by Inexorably
Feeling like a third wheel around certain people I guess.
I also guess the fact that other people seem to constantly be on social media and chatting to others etc. whereas that's always been fairly rare for me.
I'm a massive loner and it upsets me a lot sometimes =[
I also guess the fact that other people seem to constantly be on social media and chatting to others etc. whereas that's always been fairly rare for me.
I'm a massive loner and it upsets me a lot sometimes =[
I would guess the 'third wheel' thing happens to more of us than we think! I think it can happen for a number of reasons, either the other two (or more) people in the group are more connected to each other/have similar interests than you, they are just more chatty or, I think what really happens sometimes, is that your awareness/perception of being the 'third wheel' develops into a paranoia that they see you as 'boring' and as a result, you start analysing everything you are about to say by which point - guess what, the conversation has moved on and this can rapidly develop into a Catch 22 situation. One great benefit of aging though is that while the 'third wheel' phenomenon (I used to refer to it as being 'the underdog') persists to some degree, while in school, college, uni you are with people for long periods and there is an expectation to do this whole third stage of friendship 'wow, me too' thing, after the age of about 21 it is far more accepted to 'be your own person' and one advantage of decreasing opportunities to socialise and interact is that if you are the thrird wheel it is easy to make your excuses and roll off to somewhere you are the main wheel!
Original post by Dinasaurus
It's a good sign in terms that I won't lose sleep over it, but I feel like I should mind, you know what I mean? Like before hand I was the type of person who was constantly chatting with friends, meeting up with people like several times a week etc. So I'm shocked at how in such a small time, I've become complacent with nothing.
I get what you mean, if you get on really well with people but all of your old friends are at uni away from home, are there any clubs or societies near your home that you could join to meet new people?
Original post by McNuggetsAhoy
I haven't left the house in over 3 months and haven't seen any of my friends for 5+ years. I might be wrong but I think that has something to do with my loneliness.
Actually I don't really feel all that lonely these days. I've gone through the loneliness barrier. Now I'm more than happy to be on my own for days or weeks on end with no human contact.
Actually I don't really feel all that lonely these days. I've gone through the loneliness barrier. Now I'm more than happy to be on my own for days or weeks on end with no human contact.
Why haven't you left your house for so long?
Original post by moment of truth
I get what you mean, if you get on really well with people but all of your old friends are at uni away from home, are there any clubs or societies near your home that you could join to meet new people?
Why haven't you left your house for so long?
Why haven't you left your house for so long?
Not that I know of, I also have the problem of having moved house during secondary school but staying at the same school. So I moved to a new area but I never really bothered to know much about it because I would just meet up with the same friends from school anyway.
Original post by Inexorably
Feeling like a third wheel around certain people I guess.
I also guess the fact that other people seem to constantly be on social media and chatting to others etc. whereas that's always been fairly rare for me.
I'm a massive loner and it upsets me a lot sometimes =[
I also guess the fact that other people seem to constantly be on social media and chatting to others etc. whereas that's always been fairly rare for me.
I'm a massive loner and it upsets me a lot sometimes =[
I feel like that constantly, even with people that are supposed to be good friends. It's just that they are able to talk about rubbish all day long and I don't like that. I wish I could give you some advice with that, but I struggle quite a lot with it too
The main way to deal with the social media thing is to either deactivate your accounts or try and go on it less. I know how hard it is, but it will be helpful to you. If you keep on seeing things that are gonna trigger you into feeling lonely, you aren't going to feel better.
Original post by posthumus
Having no one there to listen to your thoughts and feelings.
Has been the case with me for a very long time.
Has been the case with me for a very long time.
You can always message me if you want
Original post by Spock's Socks
Because OCD isn't really understood and so many people have brought me down for having it or playing it as a joke so I feel as though I don't have many people to turn to when it really strikes me. Its a very isolating condition. I have my mum and partner but I often don't want to trouble them with it since they have had to put up with it for years even though they always say I can turn to them day or night, my stubbornness gets in the way a lot.
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I get what you mean. I believe I have some sort of OCD, although it is quite mild (at the moment) and trying to explain it to someone is incredibly hard, almost impossible so I can imagine how hard it would be for someone that has suffered it for such a long time. They are there to support you, but I know that exact feeling and feel terrible when I keep on troubling my friends etc with my own issues.
Original post by urbanlocations
I am feeling lonely at the moment. Currently sat in a box room. Speaking to 0 people in person or online at the moment.
feeling 100 percent bored.
I LOVE UNI
feeling 100 percent bored.
I LOVE UNI
I know the feeling. When I feel like that, I normally just open Netflix and watch something I often remark that Netflix is my best friend cause, even though it's not nice to think about it, it has helped me so much through everything and has been an escape. Have you moved away for uni? Original post by Wimbs
I think all of us lie somewhere on a spectrum of how much we need the company of others and how much we prefer time to ourselves. Personally, I have realised I am happy doing things myself that most people are not from about the age of 6! I find protracted periods of company (like being on holiday with other people or staffing a school residential) extremely enjoyable but.........the word I would use is 'intense.' So on the spectrum I am definitely a good way down the 'prefer time to myself' end although of course no man is an island and too much alone time is bad!
Living on my own, I find the loneliest times can be weekends if I haven't arranged to meet anyone or even evenings after work. I definitely find Winter and dark cold evenings lonelier. Holidays from work (which for singletons can be our main source of interacting with others) can also be lonely. I tend to holiday alone (abroad!) and find the daytime fine but do find eating alone in a restaurant in the evening quite uncomfortable - I either find a restaurant that is quite empty (so they will be glad of any custom and you are not 'occupying' a table that could have had 2 people on it, one where there is at least another lone diner - where I will deliberately ask to sit close by so us singletons look more 'common and even sometimes in the hope of striking up a conversation and even eating with them - which can happen, or keep returning to a restaurant where it is evident they 'don't mind' singletons! Or if feeling more antisocial go somewhere with a takeaway like a pizza place! I do find long walks are therapeutic as they tend to put your whole life in perspective and allow you to mentally leave the 'here and now' for a few hours.
I agree about the FB comments - sometimes reading FB threads it appears everyone else is having 'the time of their lives' sometimes but as has been said, this is a biased self-representation of their lives and people have actually told me my FB posts make me look the 'adventurous one!' Remember at any one time most of your FB friends will not actually be doing anything of great interest and therefore not be posting about it!
Living on my own, I find the loneliest times can be weekends if I haven't arranged to meet anyone or even evenings after work. I definitely find Winter and dark cold evenings lonelier. Holidays from work (which for singletons can be our main source of interacting with others) can also be lonely. I tend to holiday alone (abroad!) and find the daytime fine but do find eating alone in a restaurant in the evening quite uncomfortable - I either find a restaurant that is quite empty (so they will be glad of any custom and you are not 'occupying' a table that could have had 2 people on it, one where there is at least another lone diner - where I will deliberately ask to sit close by so us singletons look more 'common and even sometimes in the hope of striking up a conversation and even eating with them - which can happen, or keep returning to a restaurant where it is evident they 'don't mind' singletons! Or if feeling more antisocial go somewhere with a takeaway like a pizza place! I do find long walks are therapeutic as they tend to put your whole life in perspective and allow you to mentally leave the 'here and now' for a few hours.
I agree about the FB comments - sometimes reading FB threads it appears everyone else is having 'the time of their lives' sometimes but as has been said, this is a biased self-representation of their lives and people have actually told me my FB posts make me look the 'adventurous one!' Remember at any one time most of your FB friends will not actually be doing anything of great interest and therefore not be posting about it!
How long have you been living on your own for? I do believe that we all need some interaction of sorts, although people are also happy with their own company, at times. I, for one, prefer doing activities with people because I lack confidence and have quite low self-esteem (although it has improved recently).
Do you tend to plan things most evenings so you don't have to go home and spend the evening alone?
Original post by Dinasaurus
Not that I know of, I also have the problem of having moved house during secondary school but staying at the same school. So I moved to a new area but I never really bothered to know much about it because I would just meet up with the same friends from school anyway.
Ahh, makes sense. Could you meet up with your friends when they come back for holidays?
Original post by moment of truth
I feel like that constantly, even with people that are supposed to be good friends. It's just that they are able to talk about rubbish all day long and I don't like that. I wish I could give you some advice with that, but I struggle quite a lot with it too
The main way to deal with the social media thing is to either deactivate your accounts or try and go on it less. I know how hard it is, but it will be helpful to you. If you keep on seeing things that are gonna trigger you into feeling lonely, you aren't going to feel better.
The main way to deal with the social media thing is to either deactivate your accounts or try and go on it less. I know how hard it is, but it will be helpful to you. If you keep on seeing things that are gonna trigger you into feeling lonely, you aren't going to feel better.
I don't really personally use any social media myself (barring whatsapp now and then), so for me personally it's not a problem, it just irritates me seeing everyone have someone else to talk to.
But yeah eh I don't know how to feel about it, I've kinda really separated myself from people for 5/6 days now as it's just taking it's toll x)
Original post by moment of truth
Ahh, makes sense. Could you meet up with your friends when they come back for holidays?
Yeah I intend to, back when I had a job I visited them in uni twice in like two weeks. Its quite fortunate for me that 3 of my friends happened to go to the same uni, so meeting up with them is easier.
Original post by Inexorably
I don't really personally use any social media myself (barring whatsapp now and then), so for me personally it's not a problem, it just irritates me seeing everyone have someone else to talk to.
But yeah eh I don't know how to feel about it, I've kinda really separated myself from people for 5/6 days now as it's just taking it's toll x)
But yeah eh I don't know how to feel about it, I've kinda really separated myself from people for 5/6 days now as it's just taking it's toll x)
Ahh, fair enough. I understand that frustration. How have you separated yourself?
Original post by Dinasaurus
Yeah I intend to, back when I had a job I visited them in uni twice in like two weeks. Its quite fortunate for me that 3 of my friends happened to go to the same uni, so meeting up with them is easier.
That's good, I really hope things improve for you! Soon you will be off to uni, too
Original post by moment of truth I know the feeling. When I feel like that, I normally just open Netflix and watch something I often remark that Netflix is my best friend cause, even though it's not nice to think about it, it has helped me so much through everything and has been an escape. Have you moved away for uni?
How long have you been living on your own for? I do believe that we all need some interaction of sorts, although people are also happy with their own company, at times. I, for one, prefer doing activities with people because I lack confidence and have quite low self-esteem (although it has improved recently).
Do you tend to plan things most evenings so you don't have to go home and spend the evening alone?
Ahh, makes sense. Could you meet up with your friends when they come back for holidays?
I know the feeling. When I feel like that, I normally just open Netflix and watch something I often remark that Netflix is my best friend cause, even though it's not nice to think about it, it has helped me so much through everything and has been an escape. Have you moved away for uni? How long have you been living on your own for? I do believe that we all need some interaction of sorts, although people are also happy with their own company, at times. I, for one, prefer doing activities with people because I lack confidence and have quite low self-esteem (although it has improved recently).
Do you tend to plan things most evenings so you don't have to go home and spend the evening alone?
Ahh, makes sense. Could you meet up with your friends when they come back for holidays?
Yeah I moved away from my hometown for UNI my life is very boring. The only thing that excites me in life at the moment is when I get a private message on here or a post I am interested in. The sad life.
Original post by moment of truth
Ahh, fair enough. I understand that frustration. How have you separated yourself?
That's good, I really hope things improve for you! Soon you will be off to uni, too
That's good, I really hope things improve for you! Soon you will be off to uni, too
Just honestly haven't really spoken to anyone. I got really fed up last Thursday completely and just walked off and ditched everyone, cause it was clear I wasn't even noticed.
But yeah I know that's not the best way to do things but I just feel so angry still.
Original post by moment of truth
Why haven't you left your house for so long?
Why haven't you left your house for so long?
I've got agoraphobia which was made worse by schizophrenia. So yeah going outside is pretty tough for me at the moment. I guess I'll have to work hard to get over it but it really is difficult.
Feeling like no one cares is pretty lonely even if it isn't true and people do care just the idea that people aren't really that arsed about you.
Original post by moment of truth
You can always message me if you want
You can always message me if you want
Thank-you, really appreciate it !
