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He didn't pay for the first date...is he a cheapskate? What do I infer from this?

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wants gender equality including of course wage equality....

....but the man won't pay for me by default now?!

truly a dilemma of our age.

Reply 101

Zechs

Original post by lawlouise

People seem to be a bit harsh on you. Personally I like a guy paying for the first date but that because I'm an old fashioned girl. I wouldn't expect them to pay after that, its just tradition. In some ways its like the guy is actually willing to invest something into you? You know.

If I was you however though I wouldn't turn down a second date with him just because he did not pay. He may have just been well a boy... and thought when you reached for your purse you did want to pay, and took it literally when you said it was okay (boys are boys and take things literally)

You can see after a couple more dates if he is actually stingy, and then get rid if he continues. Just on these date don't run to pay and wait a bit to see if he offers, just to give him even more the chance to offer? :smile:

The stench of sexism is all over this post.

Reply 102

Drez999

Oh dear, what has our Society come to?
We have the best and fairest 'Equality' humankind has ever experienced and yet some females still believe males should pay for the restaurant bill?
Burn that bra now sister 😎
(Tongue firmly in 😜)

Reply 103

Zechs

Original post by bluepimpernel

Mancini, I think you're being extremely aggresive towards the poor girl. When I go out with my bf we always divide the bill. Either that or if by chance I don't have plenty of money to pay for dinner I try to pay a little and then he pays the rest and viceversa. Plenty of women are brought up on the belief that men should be the first ones who need to pay because it is a proof they're "gentlemen" and won't leech on the partner's finances. It really is bulls*** though, because no one shouldn't be under the obligation to invest themselves economically on a relationship, for all midly successful relationships are built on trust and two-halves becoming one.

Is that bold bit a joke lol?

I think ignorance should be smashed where we see it and she is ignorant and sexist and manipulative.

As a guy I can pay for a meal on a date but in no way should any female suggest that because I am born with a PENIS it is expected that I automatically pay for a meal. Thankfully I have never come across such a woman ever in my experience.

If us men start suggesting what we expect women to do and how they should behave based on the fact they were born with a VAGINA we would straight away get attacked by a mob of angry feminists and their followers.

This is the exact problem with modern feminism , they talk about how men/boys should change non stop while some females even so called feminists do not see how badly they treat males and how they simply view them as commodities to use, a walking ATM. Men's feelings matters not to such people.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 104

stochasticking

Original post by Anonymous

I did the obligatory reach for my purse thing and instead of him saying, 'don't worry, I've got this.' He said, 'I've only got my card on me, so how should we split this?' I said: 'I've got cash' and he said 'okay that works' *I hand him cash* He said 'Oh this is a bit more than what yours came to' me: 'don't worry about it, maybe you could do the tip on your card and then it's about right?'. At this point I was very confused and thought maybe I misread the signals and it wasn't a date...
I asked him when we were saying goodbye and it was apparently a date and he apologised for not making it clearer when he asked me. Then we kissed and he asked me out again.

I don't think he is a cheapskate as he was offering to split the bill. However, he should have brought cash with him, and in any case, more often than not you can split a bill with a debit or credit card.

Reply 105

Architecture-er

Original post by Anonymous

Of course it is... that's like saying: 'it's not a birthday present, just because you expect a present on your birthday.'

I don't actually earn my own money. I am a student and can't really earn whilst studying my course (I know a lot of people do have part time jobs at uni but it's not really possible with my situation) .

I am potentially going to be the lower earner if I can take the career break for kids like I want...I wouldn't want to be with someone who was say. 'oh we can't go on blah blah holiday because you now can't contribute half' or be given an 'allowance' when I was pregnant like I'm a kid. I want to know a guy is capable of sharing/ enjoys sharing.

Lol I feel sorry for the guy, I wouldn't date you with that mindset

It's not the 18th century, you have a career as well, pay your half.... if he's asking you out somewhere especially fancy as a treat then that's different, but in any other situation surely you have enough pride to pay for yourself?

Reply 106

MaseratiJay

Original post by Anonymous

But I don't want to get to that point. I don't want to get emotionally attached to someone if there's already a red warning sign. Emotional investments are risky as is.

Emotionally attached? It's a first date.

Let me word it this way..is it fair for every single guy to pay for every single first date? They won't all work out so he'd essentially have 'wasted' money..but that's okay? As long as the women know that he's paying for the date?

Just because a guy pays doesn't mean anything. He could turn out to have qualities you don't like..could turn out to be a psycho..but you're basing the fact that a guy pays as a sign to move forward? Makes no sense to me.

If that's how you feel then you should be upfront with every guy you like and find someone on your page.

Are you sure you are ready to date (not being rude at all, just a question) you're going on about emotional investments...I mean 'risky' is a bit of a strong word I feel in this scenario.

You either put yourself out there or you don't. If you are afraid to emotionally invest you'll never ever find anyone.

If you get into a relationship and it goes wrong will you refuse never to date again?

Reply 107

Tiger Rag

I once went out on a date with someone and brought my card with me. I asked who was paying. :redface:

It was because I didn't want to assume that he would be paying for everything. And yes, he did say he was paying for it.

Reply 108

stargirl63

Original post by Anonymous

So I'm in my early 20's and find this very unusual. The only guy who I've had this before was my last ex and he was so stingy throughout our relationship it really made me feel a bit worthless to him: he had been burnt by a golddigger before however did get better when the relationship hit the six month mark. But... new guy isn't earning a six figure salary/ doesn't have family money so i don't know what his deal is.

In new guys defence: we did go to an expensive restaurant and we are both students ...however I did say I'd be happy to go somewhere cheap like pizza express. I'm also unsure if it's cultural thing.

I really like new guy, but I don't know if the not offering to pay means a. he's not in it for the long haul 2. he's a cheapskate or what. I guess why it matters is I am quite ready to settle down and I want someone to settle down who will be willing to share financially when I'm pregnant and not able to work etc but also it feels good when you're boyfriend treats you, and I like to treat them back too and it feels a bit one sided if you're the only one doing the treating.

My general approach to who pays is, 'guy pays for first date...from there on go halfs a few times, then it depends on both people's financials situations and usually contribute proportionally.'

Hi OP, I understand where you're coming from here and I also have the similar approach to you that guy pays on first date, go halves etc...buttttt, just be aware of what his approach may be. For all you know, his approach is "go halves on the first date to make sure that she's not like every other girl out there, and then pay for all other dates" .

Also, you reached for your purse - I do this too, and I don't particularly expect to pay - based on experience, I have never paid for a first date (except for the one time where I knew there wasn't going to be a second date since there was no chemistry, so I thought it would be rude to let him pay for me ). But if you do reach for your purse, then - well, you insinuate that you are willing to pay.

I'll give you a tip I usually do - when texting beforehand saying how excited you are to see each other, flirting etc, I drop a hint like "so how much money should I bring" ...and see what they say... so when (or if ) they say, don't bring anything, I'm paying - then it's agreed. So when I go for a date, I don't even take out my purse - since it's discussed beforehand. (Always bring money just in case though!)

But like everyone has said, focus on the other aspects of the date - if you got along, chemistry etc.