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My Boyfriend lost his virginity to another guy

My boyfriend lost his virginity to another guy (in gay sex). He said fooled around with 2 guys before (mainly kissing), and with another went all the way and 'bottomed' with another.

He said he was, as the time, bi-curious, and felt really low as he wasn't having any luck with girls. He felt lonely and unworthy and unattractive to women, as all the girls he liked never felt the same way. He told me that all the while he was curious about guys, and was afraid that those thought would taint any future relationships with women, so he experimented.

He said he really regrets it and at the time it messed him up. He told me he wishes he waited for a girl (for me), and that he considers himself as mostly straight. He didn't deny having some attractions to guys, but he said he has no desire to be with one, and has no emotional attractions. He says he is attracted to women also. He wants to be with me and told me he loves me. He even said he saw a councillor to work through his regret over it. He says he can't take it back, but he can only learn form the experience. He said it has made him the person he is today and he is more sympathetic to people who struggle with their identity.

I don't know what to do. I know this isn't normal, but has anyone else experienced the same. He isn't the manliest of guys, but I really like him. I don't know what to do?!?!?

Also, if it helps, we are both South Asian, born in the UK, in case anyone can relate?!

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I don't understand what they problem is? Why does the gender of the person matter, if it does to you I think you should rethink your relationship, he should be able to be comfortable with his sexuality and if you're not it's not fair on him
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend lost his virginity to another guy (in gay sex). He said fooled around with 2 guys before (mainly kissing), and with another went all the way and 'bottomed' with another.

He said he was, as the time, bi-curious, and felt really low as he wasn't having any luck with girls. He felt lonely and unworthy and unattractive to women, as all the girls he liked never felt the same way. He told me that all the while he was curious about guys, and was afraid that those thought would taint any future relationships with women, so he experimented.

He said he really regrets it and at the time it messed him up. He told me he wishes he waited for a girl (for me), and that he considers himself as mostly straight. He didn't deny having some attractions to guys, but he said he has no desire to be with one, and has no emotional attractions. He says he is attracted to women also. He wants to be with me and told me he loves me. He even said he saw a councillor to work through his regret over it. He says he can't take it back, but he can only learn form the experience. He said it has made him the person he is today and he is more sympathetic to people who struggle with their identity.

I don't know what to do. I know this isn't normal, but has anyone else experienced the same. He isn't the manliest of guys, but I really like him. I don't know what to do?!?!?

Also, if it helps, we are both South Asian, born in the UK, in case anyone can relate?!


EDIT: I should also add that all the times he did it it was with strangers, he met in clubs - as he didn't have anyone he could talk to. He has never told anyone before. He said he has been tested for STD and is negative for everything as well.
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend lost his virginity to another guy (in gay sex). He said fooled around with 2 guys before (mainly kissing), and with another went all the way and 'bottomed' with another.

He said he was, as the time, bi-curious, and felt really low as he wasn't having any luck with girls. He felt lonely and unworthy and unattractive to women, as all the girls he liked never felt the same way. He told me that all the while he was curious about guys, and was afraid that those thought would taint any future relationships with women, so he experimented.

He said he really regrets it and at the time it messed him up. He told me he wishes he waited for a girl (for me), and that he considers himself as mostly straight. He didn't deny having some attractions to guys, but he said he has no desire to be with one, and has no emotional attractions. He says he is attracted to women also. He wants to be with me and told me he loves me. He even said he saw a councillor to work through his regret over it. He says he can't take it back, but he can only learn form the experience. He said it has made him the person he is today and he is more sympathetic to people who struggle with their identity.

I don't know what to do. I know this isn't normal, but has anyone else experienced the same. He isn't the manliest of guys, but I really like him. I don't know what to do?!?!?

Also, if it helps, we are both South Asian, born in the UK, in case anyone can relate?!


I think as you may have figured, you boyfriend is Bisexual :smile:

You say you like him, so what is there to consider? You accept him like he is and live happily ever after :smile:
(edited 8 years ago)
Reply 4
loooooool :rofl:
Reply 5
Original post by Blondie987
I don't understand what they problem is? Why does the gender of the person matter, if it does to you I think you should rethink your relationship, he should be able to be comfortable with his sexuality and if you're not it's not fair on him


because some people only want to be with other straight people? :lol:
Original post by malaria
because some people only want to be with other straight people? :lol:


And some people aren't bigots :smile:
Reply 7
Original post by Blondie987
And some people aren't bigots :smile:


there is nothing bigoted about having a sexual preference :lol: dont try this shaming tactic. If OP only wants other straight people then thats her choice.
Reply 8
Can a guy really lose his virginity with another though.....? Is gay sex real sex? And if a guy gets bummed does that mean he is no longer a virgin?
Original post by malaria
there is nothing bigoted about having a sexual preference :lol: dont try this shaming tactic. If OP only wants other straight people then thats her choice.


Of course, if she doesn't want to be with him for that reason she is perfectly entitled to end the relationship but she's making it out to be something that most people would consider bad and I personally don't :smile:
Okay - Girl's, what would you do in my position? Would this put you off?
Original post by McGain
Can a guy really lose his virginity with another though.....? Is gay sex real sex? And if a guy gets bummed does that mean he is no longer a virgin?


Thats what i thought!
Reply 12
Original post by Blondie987
Of course, if she doesn't want to be with him for that reason she is perfectly entitled to end the relationship but she's making it out to be something that most people would consider bad and I personally don't :smile:


who said she considers it bad? she has her own sexuality and is following it. or are only non straight people entitled to choose now? :lol:
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Okay - Girl's, what would you do in my position? Would this put you off?


Yes, definitely. I'm not sure i can even explain why, it just does. I'd be worried he'd be secretly gay for a start and decide to come out years down the line.
Original post by malaria
who said she considers it bad? she has her own sexuality and is following it.


This doesn't have anything to do with her sexuality, she's attracted to this guy so why does his past matter, especially if it comes down to something as trivial as the gender of the people they've slept with. Like I said, she can do what she want but if she wants but that is my opinion :smile:
Original post by McGain
Can a guy really lose his virginity with another though.....? Is gay sex real sex? And if a guy gets bummed does that mean he is no longer a virgin?


Yes
Original post by Anonymous
Okay - Girl's, what would you do in my position? Would this put you off?


Yes
Reply 17
Original post by Blondie987
This doesn't have anything to do with her sexuality, she's attracted to this guy so why does his past matter, especially if it comes down to something as trivial as the gender of the people they've slept with. Like I said, she can do what she want but if she wants but that is my opinion :smile:


thats cool, it's your opinion. i dont why you tried to shame me by calling a bigot because I, and many people would only consider straight people. that's my opinion.
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend lost his virginity to another guy (in gay sex). He said fooled around with 2 guys before (mainly kissing), and with another went all the way and 'bottomed' with another.

He said he was, as the time, bi-curious, and felt really low as he wasn't having any luck with girls. He felt lonely and unworthy and unattractive to women, as all the girls he liked never felt the same way. He told me that all the while he was curious about guys, and was afraid that those thought would taint any future relationships with women, so he experimented.

He said he really regrets it and at the time it messed him up. He told me he wishes he waited for a girl (for me), and that he considers himself as mostly straight. He didn't deny having some attractions to guys, but he said he has no desire to be with one, and has no emotional attractions. He says he is attracted to women also. He wants to be with me and told me he loves me. He even said he saw a councillor to work through his regret over it. He says he can't take it back, but he can only learn form the experience. He said it has made him the person he is today and he is more sympathetic to people who struggle with their identity.

I don't know what to do. I know this isn't normal, but has anyone else experienced the same. He isn't the manliest of guys, but I really like him. I don't know what to do?!?!?

Also, if it helps, we are both South Asian, born in the UK, in case anyone can relate?!


Okay sweetie, keep calm. Just want to let you know, it's fine to be confused after being told this by your boyfriend. I'd probably feel the same and I like guys and girls. I'm a virgin, so I don't have that experience, but tbh it sounds like a typical moment of drunken teenage low self esteem. He felt worthless and he was attracted to guys. I'd say don't worry about it. He's said he loves you, and you really like him, so get on with your relationship and show him that!

Good luck!!
Reply 19
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend lost his virginity to another guy (in gay sex). He said fooled around with 2 guys before (mainly kissing), and with another went all the way and 'bottomed' with another.

He said he was, as the time, bi-curious, and felt really low as he wasn't having any luck with girls. He felt lonely and unworthy and unattractive to women, as all the girls he liked never felt the same way. He told me that all the while he was curious about guys, and was afraid that those thought would taint any future relationships with women, so he experimented.

He said he really regrets it and at the time it messed him up. He told me he wishes he waited for a girl (for me), and that he considers himself as mostly straight. He didn't deny having some attractions to guys, but he said he has no desire to be with one, and has no emotional attractions. He says he is attracted to women also. He wants to be with me and told me he loves me. He even said he saw a councillor to work through his regret over it. He says he can't take it back, but he can only learn form the experience. He said it has made him the person he is today and he is more sympathetic to people who struggle with their identity.

I don't know what to do. I know this isn't normal, but has anyone else experienced the same. He isn't the manliest of guys, but I really like him. I don't know what to do?!?!?

Also, if it helps, we are both South Asian, born in the UK, in case anyone can relate?!


I don't get what they big deal is? He had sex with other guys but now really likes you. It made him a better, more understanding person.

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