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what is peoples problem with young(ish) people having more then one kid!!!

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Reply 20
Avatar for rojina1
rojina1
4
Original post by shawtyb
its not hurting you or causing you offence and it certainly doesnt effect you so why does it bother so many people!?!?

yes im 22 (23 next month) and i have 3 kids, 2 to one guy and my baby to my new long term boyfriend. only means i have longer to love my kids as opposed to having them at a later age

people need to stop judging others for their life choices!!!!


do you gurllll. You have these kids, and u are probably happy, its only ur life. Not nobody else's, so I think people should just mind their business & try not to let ppls irrelevant opinions get in the way of ur happiness or family life. Wishing u all the best. Take no notice of these ppl.
Original post by Student403
I think you shouldn't care what other people think as long as you give your children a good childhood (which you seem to be doing).


Totally agree !

The life is made to be living, everyone can follow his own path to find happiness. So whatever people think of you ; screw them, because nobody knows better what is good for you and your kids, except you :smile:

My mum and dad raised me good and I always lived happily even if they were young ! There is no age to be "ready" to have kids, you are or you're not , as simply as it seems ! The only difference between you and people that criticize are : YOU are ready :smile:
Wow.

I think people are ridiculous in how much they think having a child will cost.


For the first year for my son:

-£200 a year in nappies.
-£50 for the year on second-hand clothes (barely used) and then wider family got him some nice outfits.
-£80 for a moses basket for him to sleep in
-£30 on toys, family gave some more
- He's breastfed so 0 cost there about from my wife eating a bit more food, let's say £300 a year.
- Other miscellaneous stuff, let's say £500

Total cost for the year: £1,200

Child benefit: £1,000 per year.

Net cost of having a baby: £200 per year.

You can easily spend £10,000 on a child a year....you can also spend a lot less. Don't be so scared!

All this talk of needing "60k" to provide a decent standard of living for your child is absolute nonsense. Do you think the baby gives a sh*t if you buy him a gold-plated cot? :tongue:


SS
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by FrenchUnicorn
Totally agree !

The life is made to be living, everyone can follow his own path to find happiness. So whatever people think of you ; screw them, because nobody knows better what is good for you and your kids, except you :smile:

My mum and dad raised me good and I always lived happily even if they were young ! There is no age to be "ready" to have kids, you are or you're not , as simply as it seems ! The only difference between you and people that criticize are : YOU are ready :smile:


Your English is much better than you think it is, btw :smile:

Agree!
Original post by shawtyb
its not hurting you or causing you offence and it certainly doesnt effect you so why does it bother so many people!?!?

yes im 22 (23 next month) and i have 3 kids, 2 to one guy and my baby to my new long term boyfriend. only means i have longer to love my kids as opposed to having them at a later age

people need to stop judging others for their life choices!!!!
Honestly the ideal environment for kids for me is a stable marriage.

You have two different fathers and are still not married. its not quite stable. which I dont believe is best for the kids longterm. but thats me.

also the financial aspect of it. youre not exactly stable. I mean young relationships are notoriously unstable..id question why yeh chose and continue to choose having kids..with no qualifications as of yet and small time periods involved/marriage etc..

but I wish yeh the best ...its more to do with your love for your kids than any of that anyways.,
Reply 25
Avatar for shawtyb
shawtyb
OP
20
Original post by trustmeimlying1
Honestly the ideal environment for kids for me is a stable marriage.

You have two different fathers and are still not married. its not quite stable. which I dont believe is best for the kids longterm. but thats me.

also the financial aspect of it. youre not exactly stable. I mean young relationships are notoriously unstable..id question why yeh chose and continue to choose having kids..with no qualifications as of yet and small time periods involved/marriage etc..

but I wish yeh the best ...its more to do with your love for your kids than any of that anyways.,


and why are you under the assumption i have no qualifications? because i do.
also how do you know i havent planned to marry? dont judge before you know
Original post by trustmeimlying1
Honestly the ideal environment for kids for me is a stable marriage.

You have two different fathers and are still not married. its not quite stable. which I dont believe is best for the kids longterm. but thats me.

also the financial aspect of it. youre not exactly stable. I mean young relationships are notoriously unstable..id question why yeh chose and continue to choose having kids..with no qualifications as of yet and small time periods involved/marriage etc..

but I wish yeh the best ...its more to do with your love for your kids than any of that anyways.,


Age and being married has nothing to do with it. A friend became a father at 40. 11 years later, he's getting divorced. A relative has two children with his fiancée who he's going to marry in the summer. They wanted to marry last year, but the youngest was due to have his operation; so couldn't.
Original post by trustmeimlying1
Honestly the ideal environment for kids for me is a stable marriage.

You have two different fathers and are still not married. its not quite stable. which I dont believe is best for the kids longterm. but thats me.

also the financial aspect of it. youre not exactly stable. I mean young relationships are notoriously unstable..id question why yeh chose and continue to choose having kids..with no qualifications as of yet and small time periods involved/marriage etc..

but I wish yeh the best ...its more to do with your love for your kids than any of that anyways.,



Marriage does not necessarily equate to stability nor does it necessarily equate to a health or happy home. Nor does what is stable now equal stable forever. Things can very quickly change.

There will be kids from single parent homes who lead much more stable and happy lives than those in a two parent homes same as there will also be the opposite. It is completely case dependant.
Well personally, I wanna get a good stable job, a big house and all that before I start to have kids, I don't want my kids growing up in a council house. Then also have the money to take my kids on holidays and everything.

I just wanna get out there and do all I can before deciding to have kids.

As for marriage, I feel kinda iffy about that. Especially after hearing that Ashley Madison data leak where about half the world wants to cheat on their husband/ wife.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by shawtyb
and why are you under the assumption i have no qualifications? because i do.
also how do you know i havent planned to marry? dont judge before you know


Original post by Tiger Rag
Age and being married has nothing to do with it. A friend became a father at 40. 11 years later, he's getting divorced. A relative has two children with his fiancée who he's going to marry in the summer. They wanted to marry last year, but the youngest was due to have his operation; so couldn't.

age does certainly. some people never grow up. but most people need time to figure out who they are..what life they really what to lead etc..

not to mention ..it takes time to be financially stable..that we can agree on. youre looking at 25+

marriage is perhaps less imp but anything to increase the perception that yeh want a serious long term relationship.

at least your spouse will be under no illusions. Id imagine itd lead to more long term relationships.
Reply 30
Avatar for shawtyb
shawtyb
OP
20
Original post by Longshot700
Well personally, I wanna get a good stable job, a big house and all that before I start to have kids, I don't want my kids growing up in a council house. Then also have the money to take my kids on holidays and everything.

I just wanna get out there and do all I can before deciding to have kids.


whats with the common misconception of council houses? just because of council housing, doesnt mean a kid cant grow up being happy
Reply 31
Avatar for shawtyb
shawtyb
OP
20
Original post by trustmeimlying1
age does certainly. some people never grow up. but most people need time to figure out who they are..what life they really what to lead etc..

not to mention ..it takes time to be financially stable..that we can agree on. youre looking at 25+

marriage is perhaps less imp but anything to increase the perception that yeh want a serious long term relationship.

at least your spouse will be under no illusions. Id imagine itd lead to more long term relationships.


can i just add, iv been living independently from the age of 15, including living alone so iv grown up far quicker then most people. i am well aware of who i am and the life i want.
Original post by SophieSmall
Marriage does not necessarily equate to stability nor does it necessarily equate to a health or happy home. Nor does what is stable now equal stable forever. Things can very quickly change.

There will be kids from single parent homes who lead much more stable and happy lives than those in a two parent homes same as there will also be the opposite. It is completely case dependant.
ofc. its a piece of paper after all. but were talking about increasing the chances of stability and I believe theres greater chance of a marriage working out than a long term bf.

marriage for the sake of it is stupid. but waiting to have kids after marriage is best.

Original post by Longshot700
Well personally, I wanna get a good stable job, a big house and all that before I start to have kids, I don't want my kids growing up in a council house. Then also have the money to take my kids on holidays and everything.

I just wanna get out there and do all I can before deciding to have kids.
quite wise. like most..it takes time.

Original post by shawtyb
and why are you under the assumption i have no qualifications? because i do.
also how do you know i havent planned to marry? dont judge before you know

its unlikely at nearly 23 with 3 kids yeh have a stable career. which is my benchmark.

look you had 2 kids..presumably that first relationship failed. these things happened. I wouldve taken it slower on the kids side of things but okay..

I wouldnt have had a kid with this new long term bf unless after many many years (give your previous instability) preferably in a marriage(higher chance of stability) thats what Im saying.
Original post by shawtyb
whats with the common misconception of council houses? just because of council housing, doesn't mean a kid cant grow up being happy


I know, I grew up in one. But I want my kids to grow up a lot happier.

When I usually go to a friends house for a barbeque or party or something, it's incredibly spacious and I just think to myself, "I want my kids growing up in a house like this too."
Original post by shawtyb
can i just add, iv been living independently from the age of 15, including living alone so iv grown up far quicker then most people. i am well aware of who i am and the life i want.

youre 23 with 3 kids most likely without a decent career as of yet. as of now youre financially unstable.

perhaps youre doing your best now but its not an ideal situation at all. I have no problem saying that.

things happen..we make mistakes but I wouldnt make the same choices you continue to make.
Reply 35
Avatar for shawtyb
shawtyb
OP
20
Original post by trustmeimlying1

its unlikely at nearly 23 with 3 kids yeh have a stable career. which is my benchmark..


and how would you know? have you asked?

Original post by Longshot700
I know, I grew up in one. But I want my kids to grow up a lot happier.

When I usually go to a friends house for a barbeque or party or something, it's incredibly spacious and I just think to myself, "I want my kids growing up in a house like this too."


yea fair enough but we wont end up in a council house as when we marry we will be in military accomodation, or do you have something to dig about that too?
Original post by shawtyb
its not hurting you or causing you offence and it certainly doesnt effect you so why does it bother so many people!?!?

yes im 22 (23 next month) and i have 3 kids, 2 to one guy and my baby to my new long term boyfriend. only means i have longer to love my kids as opposed to having them at a later age

people need to stop judging others for their life choices!!!!


how can you give your kids a stable home to live in? you're not too bad, its bad when teens have kids.
Reply 37
Avatar for shawtyb
shawtyb
OP
20
Original post by trustmeimlying1
youre 23 with 3 kids most likely without a decent career as of yet. as of now youre financially unstable.

perhaps youre doing your best now but its not an ideal situation at all. I have no problem saying that.

things happen..we make mistakes but I wouldnt make the same choices you continue to make.


your making an awful lot of judgements and assumptions and a lot less asking so before you have facts, stop basing this on what you THINK, not what you KNOW
Original post by trustmeimlying1
ofc. its a piece of paper after all. but were talking about increasing the chances of stability and I believe theres greater chance of a marriage working out than a long term bf.



But why? If it's just a piece of paper after all?
I'm honestly no bothered in the slightest if I ever get married, I'll get married if my partner wants to but I'm not fussed. But the fact I'm not bothered about marriage doesn't make me any less committed in a relationship...which is essentially what your post seems to imply that marriage = the pinnacle of commitment.

There are long term relationships that last until the couple dies and there are marriages that last less than a year and vice versa. It's not the marriage that's important it's the couple, and again sometimes unforeseen circumstances can end up crumbling what once was a happy and stable relationship/ marriage. There are no guarantees in life, and I don't think marriage increases the likelihood of staying together...have you seen how high divorce rates are?
i don't think you have a problem personally but there are many young mums e.g 16/17 year old who think hey can be mums, but in reality they can't even take care of them selves. And know 16 year old popping out babes is no problem for me or anyone that passes them on the street it will be a problem to the kids as the mum won't be able to take care of the kids.
Your age Is fine to be a mum but something that you might struggle with is finance and since u te not married ur Bf is not inclined to give u money etc etc etc

So. In conclusion no you having kids won't affect anyone accept your kids

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