Should i drop out of uni because i have no friends?

Anon please

Is it time for me to leave uni. I've been in Uni since September and to be honest, the experience has been a tragedy to say the least. Socialising is very autistic and i fear people will see me as weakbecause i have no friends in the uni.

It's also very embarassing to be alone if you live in halls but no one hollas at you or flatmates don't give a **** about you.

I can't really do this. Next year is planned very well to end this depressive cycle but i can't continue for another 3 months. I will be commuting from April but even this isn't going to help my situation. If i do want to drop out, i want to do some youth work abroad (paid) or perhaps pay attention to my christianity and do missionary work...

I also don't really want to go back to my house as i don't get along with my family. Help me what should i do

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Arghhhhhh

I'm not in uni yet so take this advice with a pinch of salt

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Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by DedicatedWizard

I'm not in uni yet so take this advice with a pinch of salt

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So where's your advice? :s-smilie:

Reply 4

DedicatedWizard

Lol sorry, I accidentally sent it then my phone battery died so I couldn't press Edit on time :'D

Have you joined any societies you're interested in?

However, I emphasise with the having no friends part. I didn't have any friends in my first year in sixth form, it was really depressing and really affected my studies. My problem was lacking in self confidence which I didn't tackle till recent times.

It's not the end of the world, I know everyone says that people you meet in uni will be your friends for life but that's not the case at all. I read plenty of stories on TSR where people didn't make friends in the first year then second year came and did.

Just chat casually to people in your lectures and classes, maybe complain about a recent test or something and see how it goes? Small steps :smile:

I hope I helped in some way!

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Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 5

DedicatedWizard

Original post by DedicatedWizard

Lol sorry, I accidentally sent it then my phone battery died so I couldn't press Edit on time :'D

Have you joined any societies you're interested in?

I emphasise with the having no friends part. I didn't have any friends in my first year in sixth form, it was really depressing and really affected my studies. My problem was lacking in self confidence which I didn't tackle till recent times.

It's not the end of the world, I know everyone says that people you meet in uni will be your friends for life but that's not the case at all. I read plenty of stories on TSR where people didn't make friends in the first year then second year came and did.

Just chat casually to people in your lectures and classes, maybe complain about a recent test or something and see how it goes? Small steps :smile:

I hope I helped in some way!

Posted from TSR Mobile

Posted from TSR Mobile

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 6

DedicatedWizard

Also have u considered a transfer if you are not enjoying your course?

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Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by DedicatedWizard

Also have u considered a transfer if you are not enjoying your course?

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I want to transfer but transferring , in my parents view, would mean living back home, which i don't ****ing want to do.

Tbh, i have done everyhing you have mentioned (with the societies etc.). I just have to face facts and accept life is horrible

Reply 8

Flyflyfrifri

No! Please don't leave just because you can't make friends with people!

Going to uni should provide you with a good platform to see a larger scope of society and it's a very unique experience. It's great if you could enjoy socialising, but that's definitely NOT the only way to make the most out of your experience there!

About being alone....let me get a bit personal with you...At points in my life where I had no one to trust and nobody to hang out with, I learnt to be friends with myself and to stand on my own feet. Up until this day I still feel extremely grateful for having had those experiences as they have allowed me to be stronger and more mindful.

We live in a society where we sometimes care too much about what others think in all kinds of unnecessary ways. If you can't currently develop friendships, why not develop yourself and use your time to appreciate the experience of being on your own?

Hope this helps! Just because something isn't happening for you right now doesn't mean it will never happen!

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by Flyflyfrifri

About being alone....let me get a bit personal with you...At points in my life where I had no one to trust and nobody to hang out with, I learnt to be friends with myself and to stand on my own feet. Up until this day I still feel extremely grateful for having had those experiences as they have allowed me to be stronger and more mindful.

Are you still alone? do you have friends?

It is very difficult, i understand you and i hope i'm not being a **** but my life is getting worse and worse. I'm ****ing in my 20s and i have never been strongly social in a group. I was more social in college than i am in uni.

I have done everything in uni but no... Nobody wants anything to do with me because perhaps i have a fake personality when i'm drunk and a cynical, bitter personality when normal.

Depression is killing me slowly and i can't take this anymore

Reply 10

Doones

Original post by Anonymous

Sorry to hear of your troubles. It can take a while to settle into uni life and your experience is not uncommon. Have you spoken to your university support/counselling team?

Also doesn't your uni have a society for Christians? Christian Union or similar.

Reply 11

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

If that's the case, then you need to work on yourself first if you want to make friends.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

If that's the case, then you need to work on yourself first if you want to make friends.

Perhaps maybe what i'm trying to do now.

Just staying in my room all day crying and planning on how to get rid of my boring personality

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by jneill

They do but they don't like me.

It's clear that they wanted me gone because of my downright miserable boring personality. Only one weak soul has faith in me but i can tell of recent, she is seeing how boring and cynical i am.

I've done everything. I can't continue crying, drinking alcohol and turning up lectures drunk, avoiding my flatmates. I can't do it anymore

Reply 14

Flyflyfrifri

Original post by Anonymous

I do have friends now. And to be honest with you, it was when I changed my focus did those new friends then come into my life.

I completely understand how frustrating it must be for you! Something you could try to make yourself feel more loved and appreciated is volunteering. You don't necessarily have to do that in your uni, you could do it for the local community. I tried it and it helped me massively!
They say that when you want to receive something, give away some of that stuff first.

Reply 15

Doones

Original post by Anonymous

You need to speak to your counselling team. First thing tomorrow. Get up, get out of your room. Go and talk to someone.

Good luck.

Reply 16

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Perhaps maybe what i'm trying to do now.

Just staying in my room all day crying and planning on how to get rid of my boring personality

You need to be honest with yourself here; constant self-pity isn't going to get you anywhere and, in fact, mat deter people. Unfortunately you can't just expect people to gravitate towards you. You mentioned you may have a cynical personality; eliminating this could do s lot of good for you. Just because one thing doesn't work as expected that doesn't mean you should stay down and no longer try. There's multiple ways to socialise, you just need to keep on trying every opportunity out there.

Reply 17

Flyflyfrifri

Original post by Anonymous

I agree!

Reply 18

Abello Alec

uni is important from day 1 you should force your self to speak to people make simply talk hi whats up where you from, i know the first week i'm looking my best in terms of clothing and tell myself i'm going to sit next to the boys. First thing look around and observe and sit the people you want to and talk about the course, coursework, where you going at lunch. its hard cause its kinda your fault you didn't engage with people from your course this makes it really hard. Once you know a couple of people they would introduce you to other people and you build making friends. i'm a boy i talk about girls to the boys making jokes and saying i like this girl.

One story a girl liked me in university and when it was group work time she saw me random girl in another city and said hi your from my course ant you and talked for 10 min then once group work we had to form teams randomly talk to me can i join your group and i said yea made me think you have to force yourself to speak and get along with people, funny thing is we dated after that and she had a crush on me, so put yourself in the girls position and force yourself to talk make funny comments and talk to people but be nice doing it. people didn't like me in class and talk bad about me behind my back f it who cares not everyone will like you.

change classes is one option if you don't like people in class talk to the student desk people or senior lecture but these people may not care

transferring is another option, this may be a difficult task but ask, if not then re-apply to another uni is the best option and easy to do

i was researching about another subject and saw you post on the side and thought i should support you

Reply 19

tinyflame

Don't drop out of uni fr this reason.
Trust me...

I have got a lot of friends, but I am not satisfied with these relationships, because I feel like I can't be myself. And these relationships are quite shallow, because I am reluctant to open up about more deeper, important topics. You can't control the people around you, only yourself.
It's better to be alone and be yourself, than be lonely surrounded with people.

Read Nathaniel Branden's Honoring the Self

(edited 8 years ago)