If you have to ask where you stand with someone....

If you have to ask where you stand with someone, does it mean deep down you already know the answer?

I'm in a sticky situation where I don't know where I stand with someone. I feel like I already know the answer, however I'm uncertain. This has happened to me before I thought my ex had lost interest when we first started dating, I found out that he thought I had no interest in him because of my actions. When I caught on I made sure he knew how I felt about him. I can't tell if the same applies with this new guy and I guess I won't know until I ask him (if I do).

Reply 1

Zarek

21

There's a grain of truth in if you feel there's something wrong, there is. But also communication problems are common, even in long established secure relationships, so if in doubt have a discussion about what you're both feeling.

Reply 2

hollywoodbudgie

20

So long as you ask him face-to-face otherwise you'll end up in one of those annoying whinny whatsapp arguments :yawn:

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Zarek

There's a grain of truth in if you feel there's something wrong, there is. But also communication problems are common, even in long established secure relationships, so if in doubt have a discussion about what you're both feeling.

Thanks Zarek. This makes me feel a bit better about the situation. We've definetly been having communication issues, there's quite a bit that we haven't really discussed. I stupidly thought it would resolve itself but it seems his behaviour stems from this.

Original post by hollywoodbudgie

So long as you ask him face-to-face otherwise you'll end up in one of those annoying whinny whatsapp arguments :yawn:

That's not how I roll. I'm more of a turn up at his house late at night to talk - kinda gal.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Anyone else have an opinion?

Reply 5

queen-bee

19

Always trust your instincts. I don't like having to ask people where I stand with them tbh

Reply 6

whorace

2

I usually stand on the right, that way it's not awkward when we're walking

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by queen-bee

Always trust your instincts. I don't like having to ask people where I stand with them tbh

Neither do I. My mind won't let me get rid of these thoughts though, I'm constantly wondering what the hell is going on.

Reply 8

RainbowKiwi

16

Original post by Anonymous

Neither do I. My mind won't let me get rid of these thoughts though, I'm constantly wondering what the hell is going on.

I think u need to have a chat with him to clear things up once and for all, it's the only way to remove any doubts and uncertainty u may have - on both sides.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by RainbowKiwi

I think u need to have a chat with him to clear things up once and for all, it's the only way to remove any doubts and uncertainty u may have - on both sides.

Thank you. Wish me luck!

Reply 10

Cremated_Spatula

15

Original post by Anonymous

If you have to ask where you stand with someone, does it mean deep down you already know the answer?

I'm in a sticky situation where I don't know where I stand with someone. I feel like I already know the answer, however I'm uncertain. This has happened to me before I thought my ex had lost interest when we first started dating, I found out that he thought I had no interest in him because of my actions. When I caught on I made sure he knew how I felt about him. I can't tell if the same applies with this new guy and I guess I won't know until I ask him (if I do).

Basically, you already have some insight into what they think of you, but you feel uncertain and want to verify it.

The uncertainty is real, if you were certain, you wouldn't need to ask.

Reply 11

RainbowKiwi

16

Original post by Anonymous

Thank you. Wish me luck!

Good luck, hope it works out for the best :-)

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Cremated_Spatula

Basically, you already have some insight into what they think of you, but you feel uncertain and want to verify it.

The uncertainty is real, if you were certain, you wouldn't need to ask.

When you word it like this it makes me want to go with what my mind is telling me to do and that's not bothering at all.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by RainbowKiwi

Good luck, hope it works out for the best :-)

Second thoughts, I'm just going to go with my gut feeling and leave it. I feel like I'm just trying to force something that isn't there.

Reply 14

whorace

2

Sorry mate but it's probably over. I've had this, you can rationalise it, you can pretend it's just paranoia or insecurity, but you know it's not, it was never always like this, it seems you want this, but it's very possible you are picking up on her vibes of uncertainty.

Reply 15

RainbowKiwi

16

Original post by Anonymous

Second thoughts, I'm just going to go with my gut feeling and leave it. I feel like I'm just trying to force something that isn't there.

That's ok, situations like this can be hard but if ur gut's tellin u somethin then maybe it is best to follow it :redface:

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by whorace

Sorry mate but it's probably over. I've had this, you can rationalise it, you can pretend it's just paranoia or insecurity, but you know it's not, it was never always like this, it seems you want this, but it's very possible you are picking up on her vibes of uncertainty.

His *

Yes I feel this is the case right now. I wish he was just honest about it, you know. My ex broke my heart but he was honest and upfront about how he felt, he didn't leave me guessing and I respected him for that. This new guy on the other hand... blah.