I am by no means saying it's her responsibility to, and I am deeply ashamed that I often sleep through my early alarms... but when we live in the same house surely it can't be that hard to knock and ask 'are you coming to the lecture?' once a week. Especially since she will try to make me feel bad for not going.... if she cared that much she could and would have woken me up? I feel like she secretly uses me to boost her self esteem because I recently have had low motivation; but the lack of praise and encouragement I've had with anything I've done ever is the reason my motivation is so low. Most people need a minor reward system at least, but I have no one to say 'well done', or 'I think you could do that' to me. Whenever I've enjoyed anything, from acting to film making, art to cooking, people have assumed I can't do it before they've even seen me do it! I have been insulted a lot over the years....and I mean a LOT, no one even liked my status when I got into uni, but a few friends I hadn't seen since high school claimed my degree wasn't a real degree anyway because of the subject choice. I'm tired of sucking up to everyone constantly... I pretty much never stick up for myself, I laugh even when people say the most hurtful things , and inside I feel like I'm dying- because when everyone you know gets so much praise and likes on facebook for everything they do and you get ignored, mocked or insulted for anything you do or are thinking of doing you just start to feel bitter. It doesn't motivate me at all. It really sometimes feels like everything is working against me and if I could live on my own I'd be able to work a routine and have more freedom to get things done and reward myself. I almost find it painful to be around people I know don't really care or want me to have happiness or success. I'd like to say I'm over thinking, but sadly I don't think I am.