Did i mess up

I've been talking to this guy for about a month, and we had our first kiss about 2 weeks ago. I'm 19 and still a virgin and he knows that I wanted to take things slow, but on Friday we got pretty drunk and he was quite persistent that I tell him when I'm ready, saying that he "won't wait for me, no one will". He said that a month of knowing someone was a long time to go without sex and that he was offered sex 5 times the night before, but rejected them all for me. I told him that I couldn't know for sure when I'd be ready for sex, but I wanted to know where we were at, because at this point we'd only met up a couple of times, and he said that we couldn't be in a relationship until we had sex.

He essentially said that all his friends have been calling me a frigid and that he shouldn't bother with me.

Things escalated and in the end my housemates ended up kicking him out. I was wondering, did I mess this situation up by being such a rigid? I just wanted something securer before I had sex for the first time, but he was certain that he'd already waited longer for me than anyone should have to. Is this true?

Since this, he's apologised for saying these things, but says we can't meet up again because he feels too weird about everything. He also says that he doesn't really know if I like him, apparently I've not shown him... So it's definitely over, but I'm not sure whether I should have done something differently. I'm completely new to relationships (sheltered upbringing lol) and I really liked him so it kinda sucks.

UPDATE: I've remembered another thing, I felt like this guy was completely out of my league and I guess that added to why I just wanted to impress him, and I'm questioning my decision. He said I'm "the hardest girl to pull ever" and that he's used to girls just wanting it with him. I obviously want to make him happy but I couldn't go that far yet.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 1

Davalla

Original post by curious-student

Yeah.
*

Original post by curious-student

he knows that I wanted to take things slow, but on Friday he was quite persistent that I tell him when I'm ready, saying that he "won't wait for me, no one will".

I told him that I couldn't know for sure when I'd be ready for sex, but I wanted to know where we were at, because at this point we'd only met up a couple of times, and he said that we couldn't be in a relationship until we had sex.

He essentially said that all his friends have been calling me a rigid and that he shouldn't bother with me.

These bits imply that he might be a teeny bit of a tool.

(edited 8 years ago)

care to elaborate?

no !!! you can still fix everything !!! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply 4

username1208193

Original post by curious-student

'..' - Exactly how I felt when I saw the thread.

Reply 5

curious-student

Original post by Milzime

care to elaborate?

Sorry, just getting to grips with this site :colondollar:

Reply 6

PangXie

He's a selfish moron. A guy who respects you will wait (it's only been a month which is very normal, especially for your first time).

I'm concerned that he was being so unpleasant that your housemates had to throw him out - stand up for yourself and do it yourself if it happens again. You have the right to be treated respectfully and don't hesitate to tell anyone where to shove their attitude if they don't.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 7

becksx

I think he sounds like an idiot!

You have sex when you are ready, not when he says it's time! Otherwise you will only regret it, it seems like he's only after one thing...

Forget about him and focus on you. The right person will come along at the right time, trust me :smile:

Reply 8

curious-student

Original post by PangXie

Ahh, thank you for the advice :3 I was worried that there really was something wrong with me. He pointed out enough times that night how weird it was that I was a virign at 19 and I guess it's just got to me a little.

You're right, I tend to avoid conflict whenever I can, but looking back I feel like I was just weak. I think because I really like/liked him I saw it as a fault in myself rather than him being a jerk.

Reply 9

curious-student

Original post by becksx

Thank you so much, his comment that no one would wait got to me I guess. It's sounds pathetic, but I feel like he was really out of my league, and if no one would wait for me, then I'd just lost someone really great, and that's pretty upsetting.

But you're right, I think he did seem to only want one thing :frown:

Reply 10

curious-student

Original post by Davalla

Yeah.
*

These bits imply that he might be a teeny bit of a tool.

Because I have literally no idea of relationships at all, I wasn't sure if that's how it worked. But I glad you think so too, I wasn't too sure how to reply to that stuff.

Reply 11

PangXie

Original post by curious-student

I understand :smile:

But remember, he was trying to say the most manipulative stuff he could, to make you do what he wanted. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and nothing wrong with being a virgin at 19. The only person who has something wrong with them is the guy trying to put you down and manipulate you into having sex before you're ready. :hugs:

Edit: I just saw your update. It doesn't matter how easy he usually finds it to get laid (and in any case I guarantee it ain't all that easy for him, or why would he "waste his time" on someone with a bit of self respect who makes him wait? :wink:

). You did the right thing in telling him to back off until you're ready, and I'm glad you're done with him. Maybe he'll reconsider whether he wants to be such a tool next time.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 12

PangXie

Original post by curious-student

He also says that he doesn't really know if I like him, apparently I've not shown him...

Bahahaha. Honey, if a guy ever says this to you again because you weren't ready to have sex, laugh in his manipulative little face and walk away. Bloody pathetic.

Reply 13

Blondie987

If that is what he acts like then he is not worth your time at all, my God, if someone spoke like that to me they'd me out the door before they could even say frigid. Sex should be between consenting adults whom respect one another and if that is what he's like I can assume that he doesn't respect anyone but himself, only do it when you're ready, the vast majority of guys aren't like that, just wait till the right one comes along :smile:

Reply 14

whorace

Original post by PangXie

Bahahaha. Honey, if a guy ever says this to you again because you weren't ready to have sex, laugh in his manipulative little face and walk away. Bloody pathetic.

It is manipulative but its also pretty genuine tbh. If someone you are in a relationship with doesn't want to have sex with you, you have to be asking why? It's fun, and if it's with someone you like it's great. The question is, unless she didn't like him why wouldn't she?

In this case obviously its cus shes scared or something which is perfectly legitimate, but if you've had sex before and they're suddenly backing off it is a bit concerning lol. Think of all those frustrated married men not getting any

Reply 15

PangXie

Original post by whorace

Oh sure, but that's really different like you said. Someone going off you after previously having sex with you is a big concern and should be addressed, but a virgin taking her time to think it over and feel ready shouldn't be pressured like that after just a few weeks.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 16

Andy98

He's a knob, don't bother

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 17

FinleyA

Hell no!
Listen, if you don't think you're ready, then you're probably not ready yet and if he doesn't understand that, then he's a bit of an asshat that you really shouldn't care about.