Friends don't understand that I'm depressed and lonely

I've always suffered with very bad anxiety, I find it quite uncomfortable being in large groups and hard to find myself noticed. I have a group of friends from university that I told 2 years ago when I met them I struggle with certian social situtations, most people tend to ignore because they think i'm being rude. They were aware I lack self confidence and my past of drug abuse and self harm.

Now I've completed university and I go to visit them back in my uni town as they still have year/2 years to do. I find myself just sitting there, they're completely ignoring me so now I get to point I just leave. I can't handle the tension and making others around me feel uncomfortable.

The other day I was talked into visiting even though I didn't want to, I knew nobody would talk to me or would ditch me when go out as they were planning on going clubbing. They wanted to take a photo so I tried to get in, when I saw it on facebook I saw I was cropped out, got me very confusing to why they want there in the first place.

I'm starting to become very lonely, I've told them numerous times but don't seem to care. If one of the girls has a problem as my friendship group is mainly girls, the others try to support, yet with me because I'm a man its like i'm not allowed to be depressed or unhappy. They say I get a lot of female attention and I've got a good job, its because I have nobody to speak to. It's getting hard now as I keep thinking of going back to life I had before.

How do I get them to understand what i'm going through?

Hi, even though I'm quite a bit younger than you, I can relate to a lot of the stuff you've said you're going through. I think it's a real shame that things like this happen.

To be honest with you, I don't really know how to get them to understand. I'm still trying to figure that out, but I've figured that I'll still see these friends but I won't let them bring me down. Not as much as they used to anyway. I think that it's best to surround yourself with people who love you.

There's a quote I know of which says it's better to be alone than with those who make you feel alone. That really got me thinking about what I was going to do. I decided to reduce the amount of time I spent with my friends at the time. Tbh we did share little interests but when I was having a one on one conversation with them, we'd have plenty to talk about. As a group though, it was mainly just them talking together and me listening.

I'm not very sociable but I've found that just trying to be as open as possible and be myself has been a great help at getting noticed. I'm the kind of person who's really reserved with people I know and friends. It's my really close friends who know me for how weird and unique I can be. Being a bit more like this has helped me to find people who are willing to be friends to talk to me and not simply in mg presence.

Congratulations on completing uni and I'm glad to hear you've overcome your drug abuse and self harm.
Just remember that you should only leave them if you truly think it's the best path to take. I don't think you should simply do it because they may feel uncomfortable - they make you feel uncomfortable too.

I've come to understand, and I hope you do to, that these people are usually just kind people who maybe aren't completely compatible with you. They must have invited you out of good intentions, or may have genuinely felt bad about leaving out out or really wanted to see you. However, once you're there, they seem to get preoccupied by other things. I know, it's not fair but sometimes it's hard to see what you are missing until you lose it, and these people might not know this yet.

I have to say, it's a shame there are these kinds of stereotypes still applied to modern life. Of course, men are still allowed to feel down or depressed or whatever. Everyone does. I'm a girl, and I didn't get much support from other people.
I get what you mean. Sometimes, when people have some necessities that you wish for, they believe that the things you have are better. I think love is a necessity, whether that'd be with family, friends, pets or partners.

I'm sure you'll get there at some point. Tbh only you can truly know how to improve the situation you are in. You can get help and you're never really alone. It's difficult but possible. I have faith in you.

You sound like a person with a beautiful soul who has had the misfortune of bearing a lot of social burdens. I hope you see your own self worth and don't try to revert back to your past. Trying to find different hobbies could help with this.

I hope that helps and that I haven't forgotten anything I was going to say.

Please PM if you want to. I'd be glad to help in any way, even if it is just listening (besides, that is what I do best). However, I do understand if you don't want to because you are anonymous. I do admire your use of this thread though.

*Sorry if any of this sounded patronising in any way*

Posted from TSR Mobile

Took the words out of my mouth

Basically OP, we all have our own ****; but life is all about running away from the **** and focusing on the good stuff. I mean I have guilt, and self hatred (A LOT) but by focusing on the good stuff (mainly talking to the person I quoted), I find a way to function

Posted from TSR Mobile

Hi, even though I'm quite a bit younger than you, I can relate to a lot of the stuff you've said you're going through. I think it's a real shame that things like this happen.

To be honest with you, I don't really know how to get them to understand. I'm still trying to figure that out, but I've figured that I'll still see these friends but I won't let them bring me down. Not as much as they used to anyway. I think that it's best to surround yourself with people who love you.

There's a quote I know of which says it's better to be alone than with those who make you feel alone. That really got me thinking about what I was going to do. I decided to reduce the amount of time I spent with my friends at the time. Tbh we did share little interests but when I was having a one on one conversation with them, we'd have plenty to talk about. As a group though, it was mainly just them talking together and me listening.

I'm not very sociable but I've found that just trying to be as open as possible and be myself has been a great help at getting noticed. I'm the kind of person who's really reserved with people I know and friends. It's my really close friends who know me for how weird and unique I can be. Being a bit more like this has helped me to find people who are willing to be friends to talk to me and not simply in mg presence.

Congratulations on completing uni and I'm glad to hear you've overcome your drug abuse and self harm.
Just remember that you should only leave them if you truly think it's the best path to take. I don't think you should simply do it because they may feel uncomfortable - they make you feel uncomfortable too.

I've come to understand, and I hope you do to, that these people are usually just kind people who maybe aren't completely compatible with you. They must have invited you out of good intentions, or may have genuinely felt bad about leaving out out or really wanted to see you. However, once you're there, they seem to get preoccupied by other things. I know, it's not fair but sometimes it's hard to see what you are missing until you lose it, and these people might not know this yet.

I have to say, it's a shame there are these kinds of stereotypes still applied to modern life. Of course, men are still allowed to feel down or depressed or whatever. Everyone does. I'm a girl, and I didn't get much support from other people.
I get what you mean. Sometimes, when people have some necessities that you wish for, they believe that the things you have are better. I think love is a necessity, whether that'd be with family, friends, pets or partners.

I'm sure you'll get there at some point. Tbh only you can truly know how to improve the situation you are in. You can get help and you're never really alone. It's difficult but possible. I have faith in you.

You sound like a person with a beautiful soul who has had the misfortune of bearing a lot of social burdens. I hope you see your own self worth and don't try to revert back to your past. Trying to find different hobbies could help with this.

I hope that helps and that I haven't forgotten anything I was going to say.

Please PM if you want to. I'd be glad to help in any way, even if it is just listening (besides, that is what I do best). However, I do understand if you don't want to because you are anonymous. I do admire your use of this thread though.

*Sorry if any of this sounded patronising in any way*

Posted from TSR Mobile

Like the above poster has said, well done on completing Uni! That is such an amazing achievement especially considering your anxieties. A lot of people do end up dropping out because it all gets a bit too much, so congratulations on sticking it out. I'd be really proud of that if I were you.

I'm sure there are many things about you that are so likeable and that there's people you'd have a lot in common with, maybe you just haven't found your niche yet? I totally know that feeling of "not belonging" and feeling like you're different to others and that they don't really care / they don't really "get you". Those things sadly always seem to to hand in hand with anxiety. It's such a lonely place to be at the time, but it won't be that way forever. As for the photo cropping thing, I bet that wasn't personal or intentional at all! They probably just liked the way they looked in the picture and had to squeeze it to fit as their profile pic.


Posted from TSR Mobile

Very well said I wish I could have summarised it that well
Aww that's very sweet. I get what you mean - talking to someone definitely does help. You also help me to forget all of my worries and as you said, 'focusing on the good stuff'.

Posted from TSR Mobile

I've always suffered with very bad aniexty, I find it quite uncomfortable being in large groups and hard to find myself noticed. I have a group of friends from university that I told 2 years ago when I met them I struggle with certian socail situtations, most people tend to ignore because they think i'm being rude. They were aware I lack self confidence and my past of drug abuse and self harm.

Now I've compeleted university and I go to visit them back in my uni town as they still have year/2 years to do. I find myself just sitting there, they're compelely ignoring me so now I get to point I just leave. I can't handle the tension and making others around me feel uncomfortable.

The other day I was talked into visiting even though I didn't want to, I knew nobody would talk to me or would ditch me when go out as they were planning on going clubbing. They wanted to take a photo so I tried to get in, when I saw it on facebook I saw I was cropped out, got me very confusing to why they want there in the first place.

I'm starting to become very lonely, I've told them numerous times but don't seem to care. If one of the girls has a problem as my friendship group is mainly girls, the others try to support, yet with me because I'm a man its like i'm not allowed to be depressed or unhappy. They say I get alot of female attention and I've got a good job, its because I have nobody to speak to. It's getting hard now as I keep thinking of going back to life I had before.

How do I get them to understand what i'm going through?

Thanks
I'm glad I help you at least half as much as you help me

Posted from TSR Mobile

Thanks I've taken that on board.

You're welcome. The key words there are 'at least' because there are no words to describe just how much you have helped me. Thanks

Posted from TSR Mobile

Typo, you're slacking

Posted from TSR Mobile

Haha, thanks that made me laugh


Posted from TSR Mobile

Took the words out of my mouth

Basically OP, we all have our own ****; but life is all about running away from the **** and focusing on the good stuff. I mean I have guilt, and self hatred (A LOT) but by focusing on the good stuff (mainly talking to the person I quoted, I find a way to function

Posted from TSR Mobile

Is it alright if I copy and paste that onto my about me?

You can count on me

Posted from TSR Mobile

If you want - it ain't copyrighted

Posted from TSR Mobile

I know I can and for that I am very grateful

Posted from TSR Mobile

Thank you!