He is terrible, and I am happy that you have realised that.You are not to blame. He was taking advantage of you, exploiting the fact that you lacked experience, which may have led him to assuming that you wanted experience with someone, with your confession.Loneliness has that impact. It can cause desperation and despair if desires are not sated. Especially when you had low self-esteem at the time and when combined with loneliness,pessimism began to overwhelm you. It clouded your rationality to be able to think that those were merely thoughts, that you were still young at the time, with ample amount of time to find someone to share intimate moments with. Ignore the comments that will make you blame yourself even more.
I cannot see you being the fault of the situation here.He clearly has some issues of his own, to be so abusive - physically violent on a few occasions? A major red flag there.Thank him for what... Having sex to become a 'real woman'? Nonsense. You don't need to have sex to become a real woman, there are people out there who have no desire to engage in a sexual relationship and thereby refrain engaging sexually with others.That doesn't make them less of whatever gender they are. It is merely a life choice.Asking 'Did you bleed after?' and his insults to put you down suggests that he had intention to hurt you all along. Evidently a dick. He wants to check that you've genuinely been toyed by him.
To be the 'real woman' is to be able to recognise that that he's an idiot, he is abusive and manipulative.Stay away from these poisonous people once you are able to highlight the indicators.The harsh truth is that there will always be comparison, but the person who genuinely loves and cares about you will make you feel assured that you do not need to feel that you are in a competition with anyone else for his/her love. Insecurities are hard to overcome, particularly after you've had a damaging experience to your esteem. In other words, this situation that we have here.