Years later, still mourning loss of my virginity to a man who didn't care about me :(
Scroll to see replies
Original post by Anonymous
I think that is very true because for years I've just continued to punish and loathe myself over this and it has got me nowhere. I can't change what happened, I can't change him but I can change myself in terms of forgiving myself to be free of this to move on. Thanks so much for your kind words 
I know there are many mean and abusive guys out there, but I'm sure you will fine someone who will love you for who you are
sending lots of hugs xxOriginal post by Anonymous
Anon please!
It's always made me sad, but lately it's really been messing with my mind... When I was 20 many years ago I had never had a boyfriend/sex or even been kissed or hugged by an man and literally every other girl around me had been doing so since the age of about 13/14 . In hindsight I'm glad I did not enter such relations so young but at 20 I felt like a freak and an abomination that no guy had ever wanted me, I felt I was the only girl in the world who was unattractive in the eyes of every male.
When I confessed my lack of experience to a male friend of mine within a few days much to my surprise he came onto me and I had my ever first kiss. He was quite drunk and afterwards was telling me about about all the girls we knew that he thought had great personalities, and he didn't mention me. Anyway I wrote the whole fiasco off as him being drunk. A few months later he came into my room and kissed me again and said we should have sex otherwise I might 'never' lose my virginity so I stupidly agreed. As terrible as it sounds I felt I should feel grateful that someone actually wanted anything from me. It really hurt and I wanted to stop and he got annoyed and told me to keep going. After it was over we were laying in bed and I was cuddling him and within 15 minutes he said 'I can't sleep, I'm going' and he got up and left.
When I saw him next he said 'you should thank me, you're a 'real' woman now. Did you bleed after?' and when I said yes he smiled. We continued to have sex and I got feelings. He told me my best friend was prettier than me and that he'd rather have sex with her (and later he did, but that's another story), said my clothes and hair weren't nice enough so I went out to buy some more and dyed my hair but he didn't care, he said my body was gross and skinny and used to order me to put my clothes on after sex (even though he usually didn't stick around afterwards) and put me down because I was state school educated (even though I was getting top grades in physics at an RG uni while he failed many classes on another course).
There's much more to it than this he even got physically violent on a few occasions. It hurts me so much that I lost my virginity to this man and to be honest my entire life I've never found a guy who likes or appreciates me, even as a friend on a basic level. I've never had a boyfriend either and I don't get asked out. I feel disgusted with myself but I only have myself to blame!!! I'm so pathetic that I would stoop so low in order to try and find 'love'. I wish I would have saved it but I would probably die a virgin as I don't think any man can ever love me. No I'm not just being cynical, there's people dying alone every day. I'm just sad that I probably will never have any fond memories of intimacy or affection in my life and only of being put down and used. I just can't forgive myself.
So my question is how do I get over this, and over people who don't think I'm good enough (which is all men to be honest)?
It's always made me sad, but lately it's really been messing with my mind... When I was 20 many years ago I had never had a boyfriend/sex or even been kissed or hugged by an man and literally every other girl around me had been doing so since the age of about 13/14 . In hindsight I'm glad I did not enter such relations so young but at 20 I felt like a freak and an abomination that no guy had ever wanted me, I felt I was the only girl in the world who was unattractive in the eyes of every male.
When I confessed my lack of experience to a male friend of mine within a few days much to my surprise he came onto me and I had my ever first kiss. He was quite drunk and afterwards was telling me about about all the girls we knew that he thought had great personalities, and he didn't mention me. Anyway I wrote the whole fiasco off as him being drunk. A few months later he came into my room and kissed me again and said we should have sex otherwise I might 'never' lose my virginity so I stupidly agreed. As terrible as it sounds I felt I should feel grateful that someone actually wanted anything from me. It really hurt and I wanted to stop and he got annoyed and told me to keep going. After it was over we were laying in bed and I was cuddling him and within 15 minutes he said 'I can't sleep, I'm going' and he got up and left.
When I saw him next he said 'you should thank me, you're a 'real' woman now. Did you bleed after?' and when I said yes he smiled. We continued to have sex and I got feelings. He told me my best friend was prettier than me and that he'd rather have sex with her (and later he did, but that's another story), said my clothes and hair weren't nice enough so I went out to buy some more and dyed my hair but he didn't care, he said my body was gross and skinny and used to order me to put my clothes on after sex (even though he usually didn't stick around afterwards) and put me down because I was state school educated (even though I was getting top grades in physics at an RG uni while he failed many classes on another course).
There's much more to it than this he even got physically violent on a few occasions. It hurts me so much that I lost my virginity to this man and to be honest my entire life I've never found a guy who likes or appreciates me, even as a friend on a basic level. I've never had a boyfriend either and I don't get asked out. I feel disgusted with myself but I only have myself to blame!!! I'm so pathetic that I would stoop so low in order to try and find 'love'. I wish I would have saved it but I would probably die a virgin as I don't think any man can ever love me. No I'm not just being cynical, there's people dying alone every day. I'm just sad that I probably will never have any fond memories of intimacy or affection in my life and only of being put down and used. I just can't forgive myself.
So my question is how do I get over this, and over people who don't think I'm good enough (which is all men to be honest)?
Psychologist/Therapist, family and friends. In that order. I would say ASAP.
P.S. It is not true that all men think you are not "good enough". Most men (who don't live anywhere near the UK) do not even know you.
Original post by WoodyMKC
Sadly, there are some manipulative guys out there that prey off low self esteem, the latter of which can be smelt a mile off.
It's really sad how easy it is to see if a girl has low self-esteem, something as simple as keeping their head down when walking is a dead give away.
Original post by Anonymous
get over it?
he stuck his dick in first... so what
he stuck his dick in first... so what
I wish I could be that emotionless about it.
Original post by WoodyMKC
Sadly, there are some manipulative guys out there that prey off low self esteem, the latter of which can be smelt a mile off.
Hmmm that's really interesting.. Call me naive but I never thought that my low self esteem would be that visible to such predatory men. You've definitely given me something to think about. Do you think it is a blatantly obvious and solid thing that people can detect, or more is subconscious almost like an aura or vibe?
Original post by whorace
It's really sad how easy it is to see if a girl has low self-esteem, something as simple as keeping their head down when walking is a dead give away.
I'm guilty of keeping my head down and struggle with eye contact. I try to dress and present myself well so I always hoped that would cover it up somewhat... Which might explain why people always say how happy I look in photos but I don't get the same comments when actually out and about in everyday life.
Are there any other give-aways I should take care not to display?
Original post by Anonymous
Anon please!
It's always made me sad, but lately it's really been messing with my mind... When I was 20 many years ago I had never had a boyfriend/sex or even been kissed or hugged by an man and literally every other girl around me had been doing so since the age of about 13/14 . In hindsight I'm glad I did not enter such relations so young but at 20 I felt like a freak and an abomination that no guy had ever wanted me, I felt I was the only girl in the world who was unattractive in the eyes of every male.
When I confessed my lack of experience to a male friend of mine within a few days much to my surprise he came onto me and I had my ever first kiss. He was quite drunk and afterwards was telling me about about all the girls we knew that he thought had great personalities, and he didn't mention me. Anyway I wrote the whole fiasco off as him being drunk. A few months later he came into my room and kissed me again and said we should have sex otherwise I might 'never' lose my virginity so I stupidly agreed. As terrible as it sounds I felt I should feel grateful that someone actually wanted anything from me. It really hurt and I wanted to stop and he got annoyed and told me to keep going. After it was over we were laying in bed and I was cuddling him and within 15 minutes he said 'I can't sleep, I'm going' and he got up and left.
When I saw him next he said 'you should thank me, you're a 'real' woman now. Did you bleed after?' and when I said yes he smiled. We continued to have sex and I got feelings. He told me my best friend was prettier than me and that he'd rather have sex with her (and later he did, but that's another story), said my clothes and hair weren't nice enough so I went out to buy some more and dyed my hair but he didn't care, he said my body was gross and skinny and used to order me to put my clothes on after sex (even though he usually didn't stick around afterwards) and put me down because I was state school educated (even though I was getting top grades in physics at an RG uni while he failed many classes on another course).
There's much more to it than this he even got physically violent on a few occasions. It hurts me so much that I lost my virginity to this man and to be honest my entire life I've never found a guy who likes or appreciates me, even as a friend on a basic level. I've never had a boyfriend either and I don't get asked out. I feel disgusted with myself but I only have myself to blame!!! I'm so pathetic that I would stoop so low in order to try and find 'love'. I wish I would have saved it but I would probably die a virgin as I don't think any man can ever love me. No I'm not just being cynical, there's people dying alone every day. I'm just sad that I probably will never have any fond memories of intimacy or affection in my life and only of being put down and used. I just can't forgive myself.
So my question is how do I get over this, and over people who don't think I'm good enough (which is all men to be honest)?
It's always made me sad, but lately it's really been messing with my mind... When I was 20 many years ago I had never had a boyfriend/sex or even been kissed or hugged by an man and literally every other girl around me had been doing so since the age of about 13/14 . In hindsight I'm glad I did not enter such relations so young but at 20 I felt like a freak and an abomination that no guy had ever wanted me, I felt I was the only girl in the world who was unattractive in the eyes of every male.
When I confessed my lack of experience to a male friend of mine within a few days much to my surprise he came onto me and I had my ever first kiss. He was quite drunk and afterwards was telling me about about all the girls we knew that he thought had great personalities, and he didn't mention me. Anyway I wrote the whole fiasco off as him being drunk. A few months later he came into my room and kissed me again and said we should have sex otherwise I might 'never' lose my virginity so I stupidly agreed. As terrible as it sounds I felt I should feel grateful that someone actually wanted anything from me. It really hurt and I wanted to stop and he got annoyed and told me to keep going. After it was over we were laying in bed and I was cuddling him and within 15 minutes he said 'I can't sleep, I'm going' and he got up and left.
When I saw him next he said 'you should thank me, you're a 'real' woman now. Did you bleed after?' and when I said yes he smiled. We continued to have sex and I got feelings. He told me my best friend was prettier than me and that he'd rather have sex with her (and later he did, but that's another story), said my clothes and hair weren't nice enough so I went out to buy some more and dyed my hair but he didn't care, he said my body was gross and skinny and used to order me to put my clothes on after sex (even though he usually didn't stick around afterwards) and put me down because I was state school educated (even though I was getting top grades in physics at an RG uni while he failed many classes on another course).
There's much more to it than this he even got physically violent on a few occasions. It hurts me so much that I lost my virginity to this man and to be honest my entire life I've never found a guy who likes or appreciates me, even as a friend on a basic level. I've never had a boyfriend either and I don't get asked out. I feel disgusted with myself but I only have myself to blame!!! I'm so pathetic that I would stoop so low in order to try and find 'love'. I wish I would have saved it but I would probably die a virgin as I don't think any man can ever love me. No I'm not just being cynical, there's people dying alone every day. I'm just sad that I probably will never have any fond memories of intimacy or affection in my life and only of being put down and used. I just can't forgive myself.
So my question is how do I get over this, and over people who don't think I'm good enough (which is all men to be honest)?
I'm really sorry to hear about the situation you've been put through by a very vile and sick man. you told him to stop. so why didn't he stop? dick head, sounds a bit .....rapey. I think this guy clearly took advantage of you once he learned that you were inexperienced.. he made you believe that you would be more desirable if you lost your virginity to him. Oh my god. Why are people like that? Secondly, know your worth - understand that just because there are prettier people - you are not ugly. And that somebody is going to love you just for who you are, but first fall in love with yourself
you are the only one who is in charge of your own happiness, do not let something from the past let you down, sometimes unfortunate things do happen - it's a learning curve and hopefully you come out stronger and braver. Please forgive yourself, its the least you could do for your own peace of mind xxOriginal post by Juichiro
Psychologist/Therapist, family and friends. In that order. I would say ASAP.
P.S. It is not true that all men think you are not "good enough". Most men (who don't live anywhere near the UK) do not even know you.
P.S. It is not true that all men think you are not "good enough". Most men (who don't live anywhere near the UK) do not even know you.
I'm actually in counselling at the moment for family issues but I feel I should give this a mention but I'm so embarrassed I hardly like to admit it to myself.
True, not all men in the world but I will never have the pleasure of meeting 99.99% of them or even crossing paths with them. But the point remains that men in my world and paradigm have never thought anything of me.
Original post by Anonymous
Anon please!
It's always made me sad, but lately it's really been messing with my mind... When I was 20 many years ago I had never had a boyfriend/sex or even been kissed or hugged by an man and literally every other girl around me had been doing so since the age of about 13/14 . In hindsight I'm glad I did not enter such relations so young but at 20 I felt like a freak and an abomination that no guy had ever wanted me, I felt I was the only girl in the world who was unattractive in the eyes of every male.
When I confessed my lack of experience to a male friend of mine within a few days much to my surprise he came onto me and I had my ever first kiss. He was quite drunk and afterwards was telling me about about all the girls we knew that he thought had great personalities, and he didn't mention me. Anyway I wrote the whole fiasco off as him being drunk. A few months later he came into my room and kissed me again and said we should have sex otherwise I might 'never' lose my virginity so I stupidly agreed. As terrible as it sounds I felt I should feel grateful that someone actually wanted anything from me. It really hurt and I wanted to stop and he got annoyed and told me to keep going. After it was over we were laying in bed and I was cuddling him and within 15 minutes he said 'I can't sleep, I'm going' and he got up and left.
When I saw him next he said 'you should thank me, you're a 'real' woman now. Did you bleed after?' and when I said yes he smiled. We continued to have sex and I got feelings. He told me my best friend was prettier than me and that he'd rather have sex with her (and later he did, but that's another story), said my clothes and hair weren't nice enough so I went out to buy some more and dyed my hair but he didn't care, he said my body was gross and skinny and used to order me to put my clothes on after sex (even though he usually didn't stick around afterwards) and put me down because I was state school educated (even though I was getting top grades in physics at an RG uni while he failed many classes on another course).
There's much more to it than this he even got physically violent on a few occasions. It hurts me so much that I lost my virginity to this man and to be honest my entire life I've never found a guy who likes or appreciates me, even as a friend on a basic level. I've never had a boyfriend either and I don't get asked out. I feel disgusted with myself but I only have myself to blame!!! I'm so pathetic that I would stoop so low in order to try and find 'love'. I wish I would have saved it but I would probably die a virgin as I don't think any man can ever love me. No I'm not just being cynical, there's people dying alone every day. I'm just sad that I probably will never have any fond memories of intimacy or affection in my life and only of being put down and used. I just can't forgive myself.
So my question is how do I get over this, and over people who don't think I'm good enough (which is all men to be honest)?
It's always made me sad, but lately it's really been messing with my mind... When I was 20 many years ago I had never had a boyfriend/sex or even been kissed or hugged by an man and literally every other girl around me had been doing so since the age of about 13/14 . In hindsight I'm glad I did not enter such relations so young but at 20 I felt like a freak and an abomination that no guy had ever wanted me, I felt I was the only girl in the world who was unattractive in the eyes of every male.
When I confessed my lack of experience to a male friend of mine within a few days much to my surprise he came onto me and I had my ever first kiss. He was quite drunk and afterwards was telling me about about all the girls we knew that he thought had great personalities, and he didn't mention me. Anyway I wrote the whole fiasco off as him being drunk. A few months later he came into my room and kissed me again and said we should have sex otherwise I might 'never' lose my virginity so I stupidly agreed. As terrible as it sounds I felt I should feel grateful that someone actually wanted anything from me. It really hurt and I wanted to stop and he got annoyed and told me to keep going. After it was over we were laying in bed and I was cuddling him and within 15 minutes he said 'I can't sleep, I'm going' and he got up and left.
When I saw him next he said 'you should thank me, you're a 'real' woman now. Did you bleed after?' and when I said yes he smiled. We continued to have sex and I got feelings. He told me my best friend was prettier than me and that he'd rather have sex with her (and later he did, but that's another story), said my clothes and hair weren't nice enough so I went out to buy some more and dyed my hair but he didn't care, he said my body was gross and skinny and used to order me to put my clothes on after sex (even though he usually didn't stick around afterwards) and put me down because I was state school educated (even though I was getting top grades in physics at an RG uni while he failed many classes on another course).
There's much more to it than this he even got physically violent on a few occasions. It hurts me so much that I lost my virginity to this man and to be honest my entire life I've never found a guy who likes or appreciates me, even as a friend on a basic level. I've never had a boyfriend either and I don't get asked out. I feel disgusted with myself but I only have myself to blame!!! I'm so pathetic that I would stoop so low in order to try and find 'love'. I wish I would have saved it but I would probably die a virgin as I don't think any man can ever love me. No I'm not just being cynical, there's people dying alone every day. I'm just sad that I probably will never have any fond memories of intimacy or affection in my life and only of being put down and used. I just can't forgive myself.
So my question is how do I get over this, and over people who don't think I'm good enough (which is all men to be honest)?
Firstly, I'd just like to point out that domestically abusive sex pests are ********s and do not make up for 100% of the blokes out there.
Secondly, some people out there are still virgin who are older than you. On a similar note, I am more than certain you will fond someone in your own time. Screw all of the 'F you wait for love/someone, they will come to you' BS because that's not how it happens. You have to do it yourself. Life is all about dusting off your rump after falling too hard. Nobody ever succeeds by giving up.
So get up; dust yourself off, go out and try again. You will find a guy. Preferably one whose morals don't entail forcing sex and beating women.
Need a friend? Me too. Hint hint. Spending so long on my own is boring :3 could do with someone to talk to.
Original post by samina_ay
I'm really sorry to hear about the situation you've been put through by a very vile and sick man. you told him to stop. so why didn't he stop? dick head, sounds a bit .....rapey. I think this guy clearly took advantage of you once he learned that you were inexperienced.. he made you believe that you would be more desirable if you lost your virginity to him. Oh my god. Why are people like that? Secondly, know your worth - understand that just because there are prettier people - you are not ugly. And that somebody is going to love you just for who you are, but first fall in love with yourself you are the only one who is in charge of your own happiness, do not let something from the past let you down, sometimes unfortunate things do happen - it's a learning curve and hopefully you come out stronger and braver. Please forgive yourself, its the least you could do for your own peace of mind xx
you are the only one who is in charge of your own happiness, do not let something from the past let you down, sometimes unfortunate things do happen - it's a learning curve and hopefully you come out stronger and braver. Please forgive yourself, its the least you could do for your own peace of mind xxYeah the weird thing is because I felt so low about myself I believed him and I panicked because I thought it would be my one shot in life at ever being intimate. I'm not sure why he's like that I guess he could see my weakness and knew how to get what he wanted from it.. For some other people are no more than a sexual conquest so they can do whatever they want to you
But yes I'm on a self love journey and boy is it some curve
I've taken a dip lately things haven't been going so well but hopefully they will start to rise soon. Thanks for your support 
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah but that's pretty average though you know... I would say most girls start dating on average between 13 and 15 at least in the circles and places I've been in.
Suppose yeah.
He doesn't sound like a man he sounds like a little boy. I'm sorry you had to go through that but you will find someone who loves you and will treat you well not like that jerk.
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah the weird thing is because I felt so low about myself I believed him and I panicked because I thought it would be my one shot in life at ever being intimate. I'm not sure why he's like that I guess he could see my weakness and knew how to get what he wanted from it.. For some other people are no more than a sexual conquest so they can do whatever they want to you
But yes I'm on a self love journey and boy is it some curve I've taken a dip lately things haven't been going so well but hopefully they will start to rise soon. Thanks for your support
But yes I'm on a self love journey and boy is it some curve
I've taken a dip lately things haven't been going so well but hopefully they will start to rise soon. Thanks for your support No problem - if you have a TSR account you can PM me - wishing you all the best xx
Original post by Tinemither
Firstly, I'd just like to point out that domestically abusive sex pests are ********s and do not make up for 100% of the blokes out there.
Secondly, some people out there are still virgin who are older than you. On a similar note, I am more than certain you will fond someone in your own time. Screw all of the 'F you wait for love/someone, they will come to you' BS because that's not how it happens. You have to do it yourself. Life is all about dusting off your rump after falling too hard. Nobody ever succeeds by giving up.
So get up; dust yourself off, go out and try again. You will find a guy. Preferably one whose morals don't entail forcing sex and beating women.
Need a friend? Me too. Hint hint. Spending so long on my own is boring :3 could do with someone to talk to.
Secondly, some people out there are still virgin who are older than you. On a similar note, I am more than certain you will fond someone in your own time. Screw all of the 'F you wait for love/someone, they will come to you' BS because that's not how it happens. You have to do it yourself. Life is all about dusting off your rump after falling too hard. Nobody ever succeeds by giving up.
So get up; dust yourself off, go out and try again. You will find a guy. Preferably one whose morals don't entail forcing sex and beating women.
Need a friend? Me too. Hint hint. Spending so long on my own is boring :3 could do with someone to talk to.
You're right I need to stop being cynical and believing that I will only ever attract guys who want to use me. I think I feel that because I think that's what I deserve, which is something I need to work on.
Thanks for the encouragement I can't afford to give up. Perhaps that is part of my problem I gave up on happiness before I even had the chance to experience it. And I think it's true I need to take action rather than rely on fate. I've never been a fan of the whole 'it will find you when you are not looking'!
Original post by whorace
Speech. Avoid fillers (for example: umm, err), speaking quietly and non-committal speech patterns like 'maybe'. If someone speaks over you keep talking, you have every much a right to be heard as they do.
Oh dear I think I do those sometimes as well
That's really useful though thanks I will keep it in mind.Original post by Mihael_Keehl
Suppose yeah.
I suppose if there is one positive it is better to have gone through this at 20 than before I even started my GCSEs
Guys sensible and constructive comments only please, any unhelpful/nasty comments will be removed.
Original post by Anonymous
Anon please!
It's always made me sad, but lately it's really been messing with my mind... When I was 20 many years ago I had never had a boyfriend/sex or even been kissed or hugged by an man and literally every other girl around me had been doing so since the age of about 13/14 . In hindsight I'm glad I did not enter such relations so young but at 20 I felt like a freak and an abomination that no guy had ever wanted me, I felt I was the only girl in the world who was unattractive in the eyes of every male.
When I confessed my lack of experience to a male friend of mine within a few days much to my surprise he came onto me and I had my ever first kiss. He was quite drunk and afterwards was telling me about about all the girls we knew that he thought had great personalities, and he didn't mention me. Anyway I wrote the whole fiasco off as him being drunk. A few months later he came into my room and kissed me again and said we should have sex otherwise I might 'never' lose my virginity so I stupidly agreed. As terrible as it sounds I felt I should feel grateful that someone actually wanted anything from me. It really hurt and I wanted to stop and he got annoyed and told me to keep going. After it was over we were laying in bed and I was cuddling him and within 15 minutes he said 'I can't sleep, I'm going' and he got up and left.
When I saw him next he said 'you should thank me, you're a 'real' woman now. Did you bleed after?' and when I said yes he smiled. We continued to have sex and I got feelings. He told me my best friend was prettier than me and that he'd rather have sex with her (and later he did, but that's another story), said my clothes and hair weren't nice enough so I went out to buy some more and dyed my hair but he didn't care, he said my body was gross and skinny and used to order me to put my clothes on after sex (even though he usually didn't stick around afterwards) and put me down because I was state school educated (even though I was getting top grades in physics at an RG uni while he failed many classes on another course).
There's much more to it than this he even got physically violent on a few occasions. It hurts me so much that I lost my virginity to this man and to be honest my entire life I've never found a guy who likes or appreciates me, even as a friend on a basic level. I've never had a boyfriend either and I don't get asked out. I feel disgusted with myself but I only have myself to blame!!! I'm so pathetic that I would stoop so low in order to try and find 'love'. I wish I would have saved it but I would probably die a virgin as I don't think any man can ever love me. No I'm not just being cynical, there's people dying alone every day. I'm just sad that I probably will never have any fond memories of intimacy or affection in my life and only of being put down and used. I just can't forgive myself.
So my question is how do I get over this, and over people who don't think I'm good enough (which is all men to be honest)?
It's always made me sad, but lately it's really been messing with my mind... When I was 20 many years ago I had never had a boyfriend/sex or even been kissed or hugged by an man and literally every other girl around me had been doing so since the age of about 13/14 . In hindsight I'm glad I did not enter such relations so young but at 20 I felt like a freak and an abomination that no guy had ever wanted me, I felt I was the only girl in the world who was unattractive in the eyes of every male.
When I confessed my lack of experience to a male friend of mine within a few days much to my surprise he came onto me and I had my ever first kiss. He was quite drunk and afterwards was telling me about about all the girls we knew that he thought had great personalities, and he didn't mention me. Anyway I wrote the whole fiasco off as him being drunk. A few months later he came into my room and kissed me again and said we should have sex otherwise I might 'never' lose my virginity so I stupidly agreed. As terrible as it sounds I felt I should feel grateful that someone actually wanted anything from me. It really hurt and I wanted to stop and he got annoyed and told me to keep going. After it was over we were laying in bed and I was cuddling him and within 15 minutes he said 'I can't sleep, I'm going' and he got up and left.
When I saw him next he said 'you should thank me, you're a 'real' woman now. Did you bleed after?' and when I said yes he smiled. We continued to have sex and I got feelings. He told me my best friend was prettier than me and that he'd rather have sex with her (and later he did, but that's another story), said my clothes and hair weren't nice enough so I went out to buy some more and dyed my hair but he didn't care, he said my body was gross and skinny and used to order me to put my clothes on after sex (even though he usually didn't stick around afterwards) and put me down because I was state school educated (even though I was getting top grades in physics at an RG uni while he failed many classes on another course).
There's much more to it than this he even got physically violent on a few occasions. It hurts me so much that I lost my virginity to this man and to be honest my entire life I've never found a guy who likes or appreciates me, even as a friend on a basic level. I've never had a boyfriend either and I don't get asked out. I feel disgusted with myself but I only have myself to blame!!! I'm so pathetic that I would stoop so low in order to try and find 'love'. I wish I would have saved it but I would probably die a virgin as I don't think any man can ever love me. No I'm not just being cynical, there's people dying alone every day. I'm just sad that I probably will never have any fond memories of intimacy or affection in my life and only of being put down and used. I just can't forgive myself.
So my question is how do I get over this, and over people who don't think I'm good enough (which is all men to be honest)?
So - do you want this event to define the rest of your life.
Move on.
I was sexually abused at the age of 11 - suffered many years of infection and lucky enough to still have children.
You can message me if you like - `I am not going anon because I am not letting my pat life shape the rest of it.
Original post by Anonymous
Yes I know I'm the one to blame as I said I feel bad that I was willing to stoop so low in my desperation to find a bit of affection.
Well this was like 6 years ago and I've still not found anyone, I've not even been asked out on a date
But I hope that it will become a distant memory and that I will find someone else but I'm not going to hold my breath.
Well this was like 6 years ago and I've still not found anyone, I've not even been asked out on a date
But I hope that it will become a distant memory and that I will find someone else but I'm not going to hold my breath.You are not to blame. This guy took advantage of you when you were in a vulnerable position and used your emotions and worries (of never finding anyone) to get what he wanted. He sounds like a complete dick, but how you were treated was not your fault.
I know it's not easy to get over decisions you have made, but what you can do is refuse to take the blame or feel wrong or dirty or ashamed about your experience in this relationship. Very few adults are walking around this earth having made no decisions they regret, and I think most regrets that adults have involve sex or relationships. Unfortunately, so many feelings are involved where sex is concerned that it can be easy to make emotionally charged decisions and wonder why you made them later. All you can do is accept that what happened in your past happened but acknowledge that it has no bearing on your present or your future. You will find somebody in the future who does love and cherish you and who treats you how you deserve to be treated. One bad experience doesn't dictate the whole of your life.
Original post by Indieboohoo1
He doesn't sound like a man he sounds like a little boy. I'm sorry you had to go through that but you will find someone who loves you and will treat you well not like that jerk.
True he was acting like a little boy at the time and was trying to sleep with as many girls as possible, which I don't condemn as people want different things but I don't think one should use manipulation or bullying to do so. It was sometime ago and I wonder if he has matured since... In some ways I would actually be kind of annoyed if he has but I guess it is none of my concern. As you say my concern is in finding someone who will treat me well.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- Adult virgin
- I'm 19 and i have urge to lose my virginity. What advice can you give me as a male
- Uni virgin
- Boyfriend lied about Only Fans
- I am a kissless virgin at 19 and its affecting my health and life in every way
- relationships, sex, drugs and life
- At what age do you first have sex?
- Best friend completely turned on me and now my worst enemy, but can’t get over us
- a guy with high bodycount
- Was I sexually assaulted/ abused?
- eduqas poetry comparison improvements?
- Ban on single-use plastic cutlery comes into force in England
- Should I date this man again?
- do u regret losing ur virginity
- My Crush is Perfect except for this one thing.
- How can I heal from this?
- Dolls' House compared to Bell Jar?
- He comments on girls clothing?
- mixed signals
- When do you stop crying over a breakup?
Latest
Trending
Last reply 4 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 4 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 4 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 4 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
