Muslim TSR users, should I marry this man? Arranged Marriage

im 18, going on 19 and its at a point where i dont mind getting married if the right person comes along. My dad is my only guardian who acts as a wali, my dad family are hindu and my mums side of the family are useless. Hes found someone for me but hasnt approached him yet. the guy is 25/26, he is Somalian (im south asain) he has a PhD and is a hafith of the Quran. he is well established too. i pray five times a day and wear the hijab and abaya although i still talk/flirt with guys so maybe its best if i get married as my spouse will fulfil my desires.

Generally when it comes to looking for a spouse i look for 1.Islam and 2.being educated so he ticks all the boxes.

the thing is i dont know if im honestly ready for marriage, i think i may be as i want to be a mother as soon as i can and i am ready to be a housewife (im fully trained too lol) another thing is that i dont know if i am ready for sex its so daunting and i dont think i could lose my virginity on my wedding night.

what makes a person ready for marriage?

can anyone give me any advice as to weather i should marry this guy? my dad woul never make me marry someone i dont want to

feel free to ask any relevant questions :smile:

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

i would marry him for the sake of my father and Islam, he is really righteous and also apparently down to earth.

Reply 2

al_94

Do you really expect people on TSR to decide whether you should marry him or not?

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by al_94

Do you really expect people on TSR to decide whether you should marry him or not?

there are some respectable users on here who give good islamic advice.

Reply 4

HAnwar

If you think you are mature enough and can handle the responsibilities of marriage e.g giving up your time for another person, then I would say go for it.
Also in Islam it's good to get married early if it means fulfilling your desires.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by HAnwar

i cook and clean in the house as it is and understand the principles of being a good housewife in islam and understand the duties of being a wife.

Reply 6

s_ahmed2

Original post by Anonymous

If you're happy with him then do istikhara and take it from there. Also ask your friends for their thoughts, friends who are pious and want the best for you. He seems very religious which is good but have meetings and stuff with him to find out if you have the same goals in life etc.

Also with regards to talking to guys I would recommend that you stop this habbit before marriage, stop for a few months and control your desires. Do salaatu tawbah aswell inshaAllah.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 7

Nadile

(Not Muslim)
What if you talked to your father about your concerns? Surely he'd be able to give you advice and help you decide. Plus if the guy is as good as he sounds then maybe he'd be ok waiting with sex until you settle down a bit and feel comfortable enough. Or is there a rule that you must lose your virginity on the wedding night? Also, maybe meeting the guy would help you decide? Just my general thoughts.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by s_ahmed2

thanks, that was really helpful :smile:

i have one muslim friends who i spoke to and she said the same as you tbh. obviously i wuld have meetings with him with a mahram around. i will do istikhara definitely

i understand what you mean. i will do it slowly, first stop flirting and just chatting and then cutting them off.

Reply 9

Most Competitive

Not a Muslim but I do have a few things to say:

So the fact that he has a PhD and is super-religious means that he's marriage material? Isn't anything else important?

What about the massive age gap and cultural differences?

Do you have any ambitions of you own, or are you happy to sign your life away at such a young age?

As far as I'm concerned, it's a crazy idea.

Reply 10

Callous Twits

Anonymous

im 18... i think i may be as i want to be a mother as soon as i can and i am ready to be a housewife (im fully trained too lol)

You have so much ambition in life.

Don't get married. Live your ****ing life, and actually do something with it (then get married).

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by Nadile

thanks, i feel awkward talking about it with my dad, i talk to my stepmum about these things. she thinks i am ready for marriage. idk i heard its the norm to have sex on the wedding night but i dont feel like i could do it. yes i will meet him before hand and get to know him.

Reply 12

Free Kurdistan

Maybe you should meet the guy and see if you feel you would want to be together.

I'm not Muslim, but I'm not gonna do the preachy secularist thing and tell you you're too young. It's like this, marrying someone because you love them is a good idea, marrying someone because you have sexual desires (which are perfectly natural) and you're afraid of committing Zina is an awful idea and you will end up hurting yourself and other people if you do that.

Reply 13

Zargabaath

Original post by Anonymous

i would marry him for the sake of my father and Islam, he is really righteous and also apparently down to earth.

Shouldn't you actually talk to him/meet him first? Just to make sure you don't hate his personality.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by Most Competitive

being educated and religious are big factors for me. personality is important to i forgot to mention. the age gap should bother me at all and i have family who have married to different cultures and its been okay for them. tbh my life goals are to become a good mother and a good wife. i am doing a degree at the moment but it will not be disrupted if i get married.

Reply 15

Withengar

Utter insanity.

You're eighteen, you have no relevant education, work experience or life experience in general. You know barely anything about the world and you're living in this sheltered environment where someone is always taking care of your as if you were a child. You're eighteen years old, you've barely been born for most intensive purposes and you're considering marrying a man you've never met who is considerably older then you? This is backwardness of the Islam on a really daily basis. Have you ever considered simple incompatibility? That two people simply might not be right for each other? To think that someone needs to be an educated Muslim to be everything you want is a horrible call on your part and it might cause you a lot of pain, suffering and desperation later. What if one day he starts to beat you? Verses in the Quran clearly support it. Since you don't know him personally and you know basically nothing RELEVANT about him, he can turn out to be horrible quite easily.

Neither Islam nor his education will make you fulfilled in life. For the sake of all the reason in the world, run away from that with haste. Meet someone healthily, get to know them, develop a friendship, grow to like one another, have experiences together and then, if you like him and him you, and if you're compatible, consider marriage and deeper connection.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Original post by Callous Twits

You have so much ambition in life.

What a pathetic waste of life you are. Don't get married. Live your ****ing life, and actually do something with it (then get married).

i am planning to be educated. i am doing a degree atm and want to do a master after. i dont really want to work when married and my life goals are to be a good mother and wife. jugde me all you want thats my opinion

Reply 17

Free Kurdistan

Original post by Anonymous

i would marry him for the sake of my father and Islam, he is really righteous and also apparently down to earth.

Stuff like this is what screams bad idea to me, marrying someone to please your father, for all the stuff I hear about how righteous Islam is and how you guys take your marriage seriously, marrying someone you don't even know, to appease someone who should love you unconditionally, could potentially destroy your life. It's as if you're not taking it seriously

Imagine if you married this pious guy, it turns out you don't love him, this causes friction in your marriage, he cheats, you divorce him, you have children and you're a divorced Muslimah with children. It's like you're sleepwalking into a disaster.