The Student Room Group

Muslim TSR users, should I marry this man? Arranged Marriage

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Original post by chemting
Not really an expert on marriage, and definitely not on Islamic marriage... and I don't mean to judge but to me your criteria seems a bit vague and also shallow (1. Islam 2. Educated)... Abu Bakr Al Baghdadi has a PhD in Islamic studies so does he match your criteria?

You have reached 18 so technically your brain has developed enough so you can make your own decision... so I guess you (and your father) can only know if you are ready for marriage - not TSR users.

:toofunny:
Reply 61
Original post by Anonymous
thanks, i feel awkward talking about it with my dad, i talk to my stepmum about these things. she thinks i am ready for marriage. idk i heard its the norm to have sex on the wedding night but i dont feel like i could do it. yes i will meet him before hand and get to know him.


Original post by Anonymous
being educated and religious are big factors for me. personality is important to i forgot to mention. the age gap should bother me at all and i have family who have married to different cultures and its been okay for them. tbh my life goals are to become a good mother and a good wife. i am doing a degree at the moment but it will not be disrupted if i get married.


Well one thing to keep in mind is that marriage will probably always be stressful. People who have known each other for a long time, and have been planning a wedding for a long time are usually still terrified when it comes down to it. It's because it usually comes with large changes to the way you will live your life. I would assume you would immediately start living with him after getting married, that would be a huge change. Maybe you should ask your stepmum different questions? Instead of saying you're not sure about marriage, talk about specific things about it that worry you. Like for example sex on the wedding night, maybe it could be arranged so that he would know you want to wait?

By the way, are you sure that your education wouldn't be disrupted if you get married now? I guess I don't know how soon that would be if you agree to it, and while marriage itself wouldn't do much, if you were to get pregnant then that would surely get in the way. Then again,I guess getting married now, regardless of whether you would be having children immediately or not, gives you the option to have them the moment you decide you want to. Could be a bit annoying to finish your education, be ready for children and not have anyone to have those with for a while if you decided not to get married now.

I would recommend waiting around until you get to know him before you decide. You may just end up not liking him anyway.
Original post by the bear
open your heart to Allah who knows all our desires. Pray that He will guide you in His infinite compassion and wisdom.


Mashallah brother bear, nothing like vague platitudes to reassure the faithful.
Original post by Anonymous
i am planning to be educated. i am doing a degree atm and want to do a master after. i dont really want to work when married and my life goals are to be a good mother and wife. jugde me all you want thats my opinion


If you don't want to work while married why are you wasting money doing a degree?
Original post by chikane
If you don't want to work while married why are you wasting money doing a degree?


So that her options aren't limited to Abdul from Bradford and her cousin.
Original post by Oilfreak1
So that her options aren't limited to Abdul from Bradford and her cousin.


lol in case things go tits up when she does get married, makes sense to have a backup plan.
Original post by Free Kurdistan
Mashallah brother bear, nothing like vague platitudes to reassure the faithful.


you're welcome
Original post by chikane
If you don't want to work while married why are you wasting money doing a degree?


I don't see why people are attacking her over this, she might want to learn for personal development or to inspire her future children. I think women should have the opportunity of working but being a career woman isn't nearly as fun and cool as women are conditioned to believe.
Original post by Anonymous
idc what non muslims have to say tbh. it goes in one ear and out the other. if a man is rightous then he will follow the Quran and sunnah and treat his wife well.

inb4 people bring the ayah about 'beating women'


No problem. Follow what your heart tells you.
Original post by the bear
you're welcome


Allah knows what truly lies in our hearts, trust in his infinite wisdom :moon:
Original post by chikane
If you don't want to work while married why are you wasting money doing a degree?


i believe that education opens up peoples minds. i am open to the option of working later on in life once my hypothetical children are older.
Original post by Free Kurdistan
Allah knows what truly lies in our hearts, trust in his infinite wisdom :moon:


Original post by the bear
you're welcome


are you both muslim?
Original post by Anonymous
are you both muslim?


I'm not, I was being ironic.


I don't think there is anything wrong with leading an Islamic life but I have noticed a trend that whenever someone who is religious has an issue which is causing them distress, other members of the religion will come out with really obvious, overused remarks which provide absolutely no spiritual or emotional sustenance and which don't even apply specifically to the situation at hand, as a means of quelling their unease.
(edited 8 years ago)
i feel that i am ready but what makes me not so sure is that i think i may be ready but im actually not.
Original post by Anonymous
i believe that education opens up peoples minds. i am open to the option of working later on in life once my hypothetical children are older.


I would get a degree then marry that is my opinion will he be okay with you studying?
Original post by Free Kurdistan
I'm not, I was being ironic.


I don't think there is anything wrong with leading an Islamic life but I have noticed a trend that whenever someone who is religious has an issue which is causing them distress, other members of the religion will come out with really obvious, overused remarks which provide absolutely no spiritual or emotional sustenance and which don't even apply specifically to the situation at hand, as a means of quelling their unease.


if you are on about the bear's comment i found it really helpful. you wont understand if you are a non muslim
Original post by chikane
I would get a degree then marry that is my opinion will he be okay with you studying?


yeah he definitely will. i dont want to explain it on here as i will give myself away but me doing my degree wont be an issue at all.
Original post by Anonymous
if you are on about the bear's comment i found it really helpful. you wont understand if you are a non muslim


What makes you think he's Muslim and if a non-Muslim can use his words you make you feel that way, how does asking for Muslims in particular benefit you?
Original post by Free Kurdistan
What makes you think he's Muslim and if a non-Muslim can use his words you make you feel that way, how does asking for Muslims in particular benefit you?


if a non muslim said it to me i would treat it the same as if a non muslim told me as its helpful to me. but i thought that if non muslims read this then they would tell me to live my life and stuff like that.
Original post by Anonymous
yeah he definitely will. i dont want to explain it on here as i will give myself away but me doing my degree wont be an issue at all.


I still think you should study then marry personally but if you want to marry him then go ahead but like others are saying talk to him and get to know him beforehand.

I knew a girl who married at 18 and did a degree but they don't have children yet but she is happy.
(edited 8 years ago)

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