When the whole world is on Tinder, where do you find a serious partner?

I'm sure many women are saying the same thing. Some guys too.

The hook-up culture has changed the dating landscape and many men no longer need to acquire girlfriends to have lots of sex.

This is how it is in your 20s nowadays.

You will maybe have to date older men if you want something more serious.

Unfortunately that seems to be the OPs problem. To be honest not that many men approach in real life due to the tinderization of the dating. Why would a guy (especially a young one) go up to a woman face to face which is very high risk, when he can sit at home naked and swipe right 100 times and send a 'hy babe' at the end of it which is less personal. Not to mention some guys get accused of harassment and being creeps for approaching women in real life.



A relationship isn't just about regular access to sex though.

But anyway I agree that OP should probably aim to date older guys. I would be lucky to meet guy my age who was interested in anything more than casual once a year. Not saying they are not out there but the ones who are I suppose are all snapped up pretty quickly as they are in short supply. I think OPs chances of finding something meaningful will increase by dating guys 30+ who no longer feel the need to spread their seed into every nook and cranny.

OP, you are not really going to find these guys on tinder or OKcupid in my opinion i.e. on free sites. You need to think a bit more sophisticated and use paid but popular sites like match or eharmony. Of course there's no guarantee but knowing that the other person is a paid member is a big BS-filter and shows they are probably taking it a bit more seriously.

Unfortunately that seems to be the OPs problem. To be honest not that many men approach in real life due to the tinderization of the dating. Why would a guy (especially a young one) go up to a woman face to face which is very high risk, when he can sit at home naked and swipe right 100 times and send a 'hy babe' at the end of it which is less personal. Not to mention some guys get accused of harassment and being creeps for approaching women in real life.



A relationship isn't just about regular access to sex though.

But anyway I agree that OP should probably aim to date older guys. I would be lucky to meet guy my age who was interested in anything more than casual once a year. Not saying they are not out there but the ones who are I suppose are all snapped up pretty quickly as they are in short supply. I think OPs chances of finding something meaningful will increase by dating guys 30+ who no longer feel the need to spread their seed into every nook and cranny.

OP, you are not really going to find these guys on tinder or OKcupid in my opinion i.e. on free sites. You need to think a bit more sophisticated and use paid but popular sites like match or eharmony. Of course there's no guarantee but knowing that the other person is a paid member is a big BS-filter and shows they are probably taking it a bit more seriously.

Agree.

There are other reasons as well.

Less pressure from society to settle down and less value attached to 'bringing home the bacon' for your family.

But the fact that men can get sex so easily now has changed things more than you might think.


There are plenty of unmarried, childless woman in their 40s+ who are in this position against their wishes.

In our generation there will no doubt be many more.

Men are increasingly turning their backs on relationships and marriage.



http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating

http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2015/aug/16/tinder-app-creating-dating-apocalypse-twitter-storm

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3046350/Why-men-refuse-marry-Women-complain-chaps-today-won-t-settle-Sorry-ladies-s-fault-argues-wickedly-provocative-new-book-Denigration-Men-PETER-LLOYD.html

Okay the whole men bringing home the bacon argument doesn't really stand any more when at least nowadays it takes two incomes, not one, to provide for a family. Men are not providers they are co-providers. I don't doubt that was not engineered this way on purpose for the reason of influencing the family unit, doubling taxes collected on a family, and raising the costs of living and property to where one wage is not enough but that is a whole other argument.

Yes I agree the availability of cheap sex has made things take a turn for the worse. But I don't understand it myself. Just because I could potentially have sex with, let's say, 50 guys per year on tinder doesn't mean that I actually want to do that or that it stops my desire in any way from wanting something meaningful with substance. There is no appeal, value or desire to in sex to me that is cheaper and quicker than McDonalds fast food. But hey that's just me I really don't get it so my bad.

Yes many guys are turning their back on marriage altogether, but it's not just the 40 year old spinsters that will be in peril. I think a lot of these guys will probably be dying to get married in their 60s although it will probably be too late for them as well as they face increased loneliness and isolation with no family members and friends dying and relocating, not being able to get around or have anyone to help them etc.

Thanks, that makes sense to me but I found eHarmony awful! It was totally dead! I understand the point you're making though. I feel like we are really lacking an app that is designed for people who want serious relationships.

Is there some sort of TSR dating sub forum?

Firstly, hardly the whole world is on tinder.
And as others have said, you can find a serious relationship on tinder, and i know this from experience as i am currently in one 😋
Yeh there are a lot of people just looking for a hook up, but this is the same for real world. Just make sure you have a number of nice pictures (as in not a load of selfies or all group photos, but photos where you look happy and are smiling) and a bio, and only go for guys who do the same. Dont go for topless guys, they are almost always only after a hookup. Furthermore, as soon as it is obvious they are only after a hookup just stop wasting your time and cut contact.

Thanks, sounds like a really good read!

So the general consensus is I just keep looking and hoping? I have been looking for years - I'm worried by the time I find someone my eggs will be dried up and I want kids I'm in my late 20s already.

I'm 28. I've just bought my first home, going to live with a female housemate. Have considered having a baby using a sperm donor but do want someone to share my life with as well. Totally disregarding the idea of that is a bit sad to me because I do want it, it's just men that don't seem to: