Muslim TSR users, should I marry this man? Arranged Marriage

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i forgot what i said why to, but im indian myself

someone said different culture dont do it, this is the typical unislamic behaviour of racist indians (Indians/Pakis/Bdeshis). I know Bangladeshi families that would accept a hindu indian and not a white/somali/arab/turk muslim this is nothing but unislamic and racist.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 121

Sae.HH

Original post by Oilfreak1

Yh if a guy loves a girl and tells her dad he wants to marry her and they have a love marriage etc. totally halal.

Running around Bf/Gf saying you love each other with no intention of marriage is haram.

Original post by Oilfreak1

Yeah my parents wouldn't accept anyone who isn't even Bengali specifically. Unfortunately for them I don't really care who I marry so statistically they're f***** :colonhash:

Reply 122

chemting

Original post by Oilfreak1

You are so unaware about the racism that goes on in Arab countries - specially Saudi Arabia...

Reply 123

HucktheForde

Original post by Callous Twits

yet you need our 'western 21st century' country, opportunities, equality and technology.

:rolleyes:

And benefits.

Btw op is trolling. Too obvious

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 124

Oilfreak1

Original post by Sae.HH

Everyone has some 'intention' of marriage, it's called thinking about the future. Practically most people want to know each other for at least two years before seriously considering it so from a religiously conservative (or not conservative depending on your view) point of view most relationships these days are haram.

Yeah my parents wouldn't accept anyone who isn't even Bengali specifically. Unfortunately for them I don't really care who I marry so statistically they're f***** :colonhash:

You can know each other for 2 years even 10 years if you want just need to do it the halal way. In for example Morocco if a guy likes a girl he goes to her house and makes his intention clear, if all is agreeable they can get to know each other for as long as they wish, a mahram just has to be present at all times.

Sneaking behind the parents back however is haram and is what I meant by lack of intention (poor wording).

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 125

Oilfreak1

Original post by chemting

You are so unaware about the racism that goes on in Arab countries - specially Saudi Arabia...

Just because the most uneducated of the arabs (the gulf arabs) are racist is not an excuse for indians to be racist.

Btw being a south asian who has been involved with a development bank in saudi they are more classist than racist, they'll treat an arab with poor social standing just as bad as they treat indian builders. They were never anything but pleasant to me.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 126

Anonymous #1

Original post by HucktheForde

And benefits.

Btw op is trolling. Too obvious

Posted from TSR Mobile

im not trolling

Original post by chemting

You are so unaware about the racism that goes on in Arab countries - specially Saudi Arabia...

ive witnessed it, i know exactly what you are talkiing about. most of the taxi drivers/cleaners/builders in saudi are from pakistan or india. there is generally a rude and superior attitude towards south asains in saudi

Reply 127

chemting

Original post by Sae.HH

Yeah my parents wouldn't accept anyone who isn't even Bengali specifically. Unfortunately for them I don't really care who I marry so statistically they're f***** :colonhash:

Do your parents have a "fossha (paleness) complex"?

Reply 128

BrokenLife

18 or 19 is way too young to get married. I would only get married at 25 or 26. You should focus on your studies right now. However, if this is only due to your father and Islam or religion, please don't be silly. Make up your own mind..you have a brain and heart. Think about what do you want to achieve in your life? Education and career? Free time for yourself? Independence and freedom? Enjoying yourself? And then comes family life imo. Basically, the point being is never get into marriage or family planning until you're ready and tbh its a HUGE responsibility so imo it takes time to fully be prepared for it.

Reply 129

HucktheForde

Original post by Anonymous

im not trolling

ive witnessed it, i know exactly what you are talkiing about. most of the taxi drivers/cleaners/builders in saudi are from pakistan or india. there is generally a rude and superior attitude towards south asains in saudi

yea sure, trolls never say they are trolling.

Reply 130

Anonymous #1

Original post by HucktheForde

yea sure, trolls never say they are trolling.

do you think if i was a troll i would keep up and reply to seven pages of comments?

Reply 131

HucktheForde

Original post by Anonymous

do you think if i was a troll i would keep up and reply to seven pages of comments?

because you are addicted to trolling.

Reply 132

ConFusious

Original post by Anonymous

im 18, going on 19 and its at a point where i dont mind getting married if the right person comes along. My dad is my only guardian who acts as a wali, my dad family are hindu and my mums side of the family are useless. Hes found someone for me but hasnt approached him yet. the guy is 25/26, he is Somalian (im south asain) he has a PhD and is a hafith of the Quran. he is well established too. i pray five times a day and wear the hijab and abaya although i still talk/flirt with guys so maybe its best if i get married as my spouse will fulfil my desires.

Generally when it comes to looking for a spouse i look for 1.Islam and 2.being educated so he ticks all the boxes.

the thing is i dont know if im honestly ready for marriage, i think i may be as i want to be a mother as soon as i can and i am ready to be a housewife (im fully trained too lol) another thing is that i dont know if i am ready for sex its so daunting and i dont think i could lose my virginity on my wedding night.

what makes a person ready for marriage?

can anyone give me any advice as to weather i should marry this guy? my dad woul never make me marry someone i dont want to

feel free to ask any relevant questions :smile:

My dear girl the mere fact you are seeking advice suggests the seeds of doubt are nagging away inside your mind. Listen to sage advice from an experienced ConFusious. My goodness you are only 18 coming on 19 and decisions such as marriage will impact on your future for the rest of your life. Right now your character, personality and outlook are subject to change. Marriage now would stop you ever reaching your full potential. The world is still your oyster. My advice is NO to marriage and YES to maintaining the status quo.

Reply 133

Anonymous #6

I suggest you talk to your father about it do istakhara have meetings with him an with your father. See if you both have disagreements on islam, see if he is financially stable, etc.
But if it is all fine and it is what YOU want to do and if the istakhara is positive then you can go for a it but remember it's your choice. I do suggest you finish university first.

Reply 134

Pickup1

I think it is you who can decide whether you marry him or not and to be honest if you are not ready by circumstances then you don't have to take that step and in the other hand having different ethnic backgrounds will have an impact on your marriage. so, marrying is the most vital decision of ones life and it is not because the marriage itself but what will come up with '' the children and the parenting responsibilities''

Good luck with your wishes.
pickup

Reply 135

RosyPearl

If you want to marry him then go ahead, it's good that your doing a degree and not planning on stopping that once you're married, because think about it if your future husband decided to leave you or became sick god forbid ect then you have something to fall back on. However please state on the marriage contract that you will finish your degree insh, so that he can't stop you if he dared to and also no kids before you finish your degree! I would also add not to marry a second wife because you never know what guys are up to these days and the beauty is we can write whatever we want on the contract to be on the safe side.

Btw you don't have to lose your virginity on the wedding night, only when you feel you are completely ready and he should respect your wishes and not make you feel pressurised at all. I would suggest spend some time with him before you lose it right away.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 136

samina_ay

I'm 19 - and getting married is brushed under the carpet - i don't want to go near it looooool. i'm going to carry on with my studies and get a good paying job - then maybe i'll settle - but still, marriage in my head is a trap LOLZ, or maybe because i'm a little immature. get to know him, and think in your head, is it someone you can spend the rest of your life with? if no then don't get married :-)

Reply 137

sadly

Original post by Anonymous

NO omg as a Somali I can 100% ensure there will be family dsyfunction and disharmony through culture clashes and stuff like that honesty I've witnessed it and whilst yes your father wouldn't wish bad on you I still think he looks like a all round good person but who knows when it comes to the home so I wouldn't :/ if you want to talk about this more PM me I'm more than happy to help sis :smile:

) x

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 138

Serine Soul

Original post by Anonymous

yeah thats what im planning on doing. my dad knows him and this guy is looking for marriage, he might not even say yes but im thinking ahead. idk i just want to have a chill life, no work, no stress dedicate myself to my future kids :smile:

Doesn't the idea of being absolutely dependent on a guy who could really leave you at any moment horrify you?

Unless you've saved up a lot of money, you need to work, for yourself. A 'chill life, no work, no stress' will go zooming down the drain should he divorce you one day.

You need to think about that too.

Reply 139

urbanlocations

Thank god I am not within a religion that someone has to decide who I marry!! I am sorry I just find it really sad for girls that are forced into marriage.