Dated a girl twice but dunno what to do with it anymore

Warning - Long post ahead, but I have paragraphs and cookies for anyone who can help *puss in boots cute face*

So I've gone on two dates with this girl I met online - note, no social networks to join us - it's a necessity as I have pretty much 0 friends so that's a thing.

First date was just a simple coffee shop meet-up and we actually managed to talk for 150minutes or so before she said she had to go as she had to finish some work off. I mean, that struck me as weird at first anyway, she's a student. Why can she not put the work off for a day? But in hindsight she really does seem as busy as she makes out. Be that due to poor time management/efficiency on her behalf or just the sheer workload of her course I'm not sure.

Anyway, second date we visited tropical world, Leeds, had a walk around the nearby park and then ate Lunch together at a country pub. All within 5minutes of one another. It was fine. I mean, we managed to speak to one another without any real moments of awkward silence for hours and hours. that's pretty damn impressive lol considering we didn't know that much about one another at this point so it's quite intense conversation and we're not fully comfortable iwth one another yet.

It was obvious this person had never been in a relationship before from the way she spoke and thereby I was worried that I'd be stuck in a rut of not knowing when to actually do anything remotely intimate with her and not frighten her, because obviously I need to at some point or we're just friends and that sucks. I can't trust friends and I can't cuddle friends :L

So, my plan was when walking around the park we could hold hands but it was a freezing day and the park was a lot muddier than normal and she was noided about falling over lol. I wanted to face-palm tbh.We even checked the weather beforehand but it was more wet than we had thought. Suffice to say we didn't hold hands. I remember when hugging her when saying my goodbyes on the first date she said "oh God" really quietly presumably because she thought I was going to kiss her or something. I would kiss her if I thought she wouldn't mind but I am not so sure... She keeps talking about - not put like this, but with this tone - her slutty friends on her course and how essentially she looks down on them. I mean, I guess that's obvious given that she's a 21 year old virgin lol. She sure mustn't look up to the sluts haha...

Anyway, she seems kind of into me... She messages me everyday and she explicitly went out of the way to tell me both times, before she left that she really enjoyed spending time with me.

But she's really weird. She's a student, 21, final year of her degree, but every single day of the week for the past month and the next 2 weeks she gets up at midday. Goes to uni at 1pm and stays there until 1am-2am working on a project she's doing.

I wanted to meet her again recently, and it was basically 10days until she could meet me again even for a few hours. I suggested the cinemas and I made it cringe-worthily obvious that I wanted the relationship to move on a bit (I should also note she said she wondered if meeting up within a week of seeing one another for the first time was a bit fast...).

I said to her in the context of a conversation about the woes of online dating and our expectations concerning relationships (both of which are admittedly very low) - "But hey, you never know! Maybe this will work out. Might go a bit further when we meet on the 3rd :wink:

"

Now, in the little discussion beforehand we had also been talking about "secrets", well I did. I basically told her that my revelation was that I had never been in a relationship myself - which seemed to shock her as I was 'really confident' and apparently if you're 20 and never been in a relationship you must be a wallowing little man-child, hiding away in your mum's basement all day...

But look at her response:

[21/02/2016 03:07:55] ( Torpid ): But hey, you never know! Maybe this will work out. Might go a bit further when we meet on the 3rd :wink:

[21/02/2016 03:08:47] Her.: Haha
[21/02/2016 03:09:06] Her .: Maybe :P
[21/02/2016 03:10:10] ( Torpid ): What are you thinking about saying :P
[21/02/2016 03:10:50] ( Torpid ): "Her-name's typing"
[21/02/2016 03:10:55] ( Torpid ): Disappears.
[21/02/2016 03:10:59] ( Torpid ): "Her-name's typing"
[21/02/2016 03:11:02] ( Torpid ): repeat *10
[21/02/2016 03:11:20] Her .: I mean unless you drop something big that's bad then I'm hopeful it'll be fine
[21/02/2016 03:11:33] Her.: Sorry I keep getting interrupted
[21/02/2016 03:11:37] ( Torpid ): Oh... I forgot to tell you... I'm...
[21/02/2016 03:11:42] ( Torpid ): I'm actually gay.
[21/02/2016 03:12:05] ( Torpid ): This is all just a secret farce to get you to paint my fingernails for me as I don't know how but I've always wanted to learn.
[21/02/2016 03:12:19] Her .: Well
[21/02/2016 03:12:27] Her .: Actually I have something to tell you too[21/02/2016 03:12:35] Her .: Since your secret is out
[21/02/2016 03:12:40] Her .: I might as well tell mind
[21/02/2016 03:12:42] Her .: Mine
[21/02/2016 03:12:57] Her .: I used to be a (-insert emote of a man here-)
[21/02/2016 03:13:03] ( Torpid ): lol
[21/02/2016 03:13:08] ( Torpid ): oh for **** sake
[21/02/2016 03:13:10] Her .: But I turned into a (-insert emote of a woman here-)[21/02/2016 03:13:13] Her .: (skipping)
[21/02/2016 03:13:14] ( Torpid ): I was actually expecting something then[21/02/2016 03:13:40] ( Torpid ): I don't actually know what the hell you are thinking when say "drop something big" lol
[21/02/2016 03:13:45] Her .: :O
[21/02/2016 03:13:49] ( Torpid ): I haven't lied about anything to you yet
[21/02/2016 03:14:00] ( Torpid ): So... What strange hidden thing could remain?
[21/02/2016 03:14:06] Her.: That's quite big
[21/02/2016 03:14:41] Her .: Lol I'm not saying you do
[21/02/2016 03:14:59] ( Torpid ): I told you. Any remaining secrets should excite you not worry you!
[21/02/2016 03:15:04] ( Torpid ): BE EXCITED
[21/02/2016 03:15:27] Her .: All I'm saying is that unless something like that happens I'm sure next time we meet is going to be fine
[21/02/2016 03:15:31] ( Torpid ): I feel like this is a time to sing don't worry be happy
[21/02/2016 03:15:56] ( Torpid ): Yeah, a giant revelation was definitely not what I was referring to. So don't worry about that :P
[21/02/2016 03:16:14] Her.: So you have something to reveal?
[21/02/2016 03:16:18] Her.: :^)
[21/02/2016 03:16:21] ( Torpid ): Nope. Nothing to reveal lol.
[21/02/2016 03:17:03] ( Torpid ): I don't know if this is just inexperience on your behalf or pessimism.
[21/02/2016 03:17:59] ( Torpid ): Let's just say I don't want to go watch an action film...
[21/02/2016 03:18:58] Her .: Okay
[21/02/2016 03:19:19] Her .: Go on
[21/02/2016 03:19:28] ( Torpid ): No, omg, that's enough.
[21/02/2016 03:19:35] Her.: I'm confuse
[21/02/2016 03:19:59] Her.: (morningafter)
[21/02/2016 03:20:07] ( Torpid ): smh
[21/02/2016 03:20:15] ( Torpid ): smhing with a mild smile on my face[21/02/2016 03:20:46] ( Torpid ): Legit said way more than I should have to
[21/02/2016 03:21:09] Her .: That's not explaining anything[21/02/2016 03:21:15] Her .: I'm even more confuse
[21/02/2016 03:21:26] ( Torpid ): Why would I be thinking this - your response here - is a result of inexperience and/or pessimism?
[21/02/2016 03:22:58] ( Torpid ): Your response being your insistence that "But hey, you never know! Maybe this will work out. Might go a bit further when we meet on the 3rd :wink:

" must mean a revelation of some sort.

Anyway, we were trying to decide on a movie today. She knows I'm not big into movies and I made it explicit that I chose the cinema as it facilitates intimacy more so than what? Visiting an art gallery? Eating a meal somewhere? Talking in a coffee shop? It's the 3rd date, and we've spoke a lot via text/online so the lack of conversation won't be an issue... And she goes and suggests The Revenant. Obviously, not being into movies I didn't know what it was. Googled it. Wow. It definitely does not look interesting for a fairly casual film watcher. Why would she suggest that :L

I can't help but feel this girl is autistic or something and it is annoying me. It makes me feel like I could do better and thereby that I'm essentially wasting my time as it will never amount to anything much. Makes me just want to say "ahhh forget it, forget everything, let's just not bother talking again".

But then that's probably just a result of my pessimism anyway. I am very pessimistic, unrealistically so. So I don't say that. But I'm still confused.

She's quite extroverted compared to me as well - her messaging me everyday is very tiring to respond to. I actually didn't message her at all these last two days as a result, just never logged into Skype and my phone has not been turned on :P

(edited 8 years ago)

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

Withengar

Your post makes the Great Wall of China feel inadequate.

Reply 2

LelouchViRuge

You need to beat it and get on with your studies too

Reply 3

BlackSweetness

Dont you think its a bit much broadcasting your full messages between you two on a forum'! I understand you want to go in depth, but isnt that a bit too much?

Reply 4

TorpidPhil

Original post by LelouchViRuge

You need to beat it and get on with your studies too

A student who literally is in the library for more than 8hours both on Saturday and Sunday, like wtf is this?

Original post by BlackSweetness

Dont you think its a bit much broadcasting your full messages between you two on a forum'! I understand you want to go in depth, but isnt that a bit too much?

Well, I tried to explain that conversation without just pasting the thing. And I couldn't really, so there it is.

Reply 5

tootles44

How much past experience do you have with women? As in any sort of experience not specifically a relationship

And what exactly is your question here?

Reply 6

LukeyJB

Why are you getting pissy because she suggested The Revenant?

Reply 7

TorpidPhil

Original post by tootles44

How much past experience do you have with women? As in any sort of experience not specifically a relationship

And what exactly is your question here?

I don't really have any experience being friends with any adults.

Mostly what's wrong with me and what should I think lol?

Reply 8

LelouchViRuge

Original post by TorpidPhil

A student who literally is in the library for more than 8hours both on Saturday and Sunday, like wtf is this?

Well, I tried to explain that conversation without just pasting the thing. And I couldn't really, so there it is.

Well, clearly she's a very motivated person.

However, people's motivation can usually be messed around with.

Here is what you should do:

•

Stop texting her all together

•

When she starts to text you, trying to make conversation reply once or give one word replies or don't reply at all.

•

After a while she'll ask what's wrong why are you becoming distant

•

NOW THIS IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE THIS IS THE POINT WHERE ONE MESSAGE CAN DETERMINE WHETHER YOU'RE GOING TO GET LAID!

•

You need to give her a sob story, say that you love her, think she's beautiful etc.. how you really care for her but say something like I don't think you feel the same way about me then, be like you're to good for me to talk to and how you're out of her league blah blah

It's all about the mind games young one

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 9

tootles44

Original post by TorpidPhil

I don't really have any experience being friends with any adults.

Mostly what's wrong with me and what should I think lol?

My advice would be to stop overthinking and force yourself to meet new men and women and become comfortable with social interaction and not focus solely romantic ones. As it stands, due to your own inexperience you are liable to being sucked into unfortunate circumstances with women.

Reply 10

username155270

Do you feel like you guys are compatible?

Reply 11

cBay

Original post by LelouchViRuge

Well, clearly she's a very motivated person.

However, people's motivation can usually be messed around with.

Here is what you should do:

•

Stop texting her all together

•

When she starts to text you, trying to make conversation reply once or give one word replies or don't reply at all.

•

After a while she'll ask what's wrong why are you becoming distant

•

NOW THIS IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE THIS IS THE POINT WHERE ONE MESSAGE CAN DETERMINE WHETHER YOU'RE GOING TO GET LAID!

•

It's all about the mind games young one

you are joking right?

Reply 12

TorpidPhil

Original post by tootles44

I don't enjoy social interaction though. It tires me out tremendously and I find it very boring - especially when it is for extending periods of time. I am doing training for the police atm and I make everyone laugh around me - I feel like I'm ****ing Robin Williams. I say this to people and they're like... but... you want to join the police. How can you get tired by social interaction? Well, ****, what job isn't mind numbingly boring yet doesn't require some social interaction? Not many... I will happy with such a career, I think, obviously I've thought about it... And nobody guesses at university that I find talking to them extremely tiring and would rather they didn't bother conversing with me :L But at the same time I'm obviously really lonely, mostly romantically. It doesn't help that I'm quite the hopeless romantic lol.

Anyway, what do you mean by the second sentence?

I probably am over-thinking everything because she seems more than happy with everything that has happened so far. But my motivation to continue it is very low, even though really, it couldn't have gone that much better. I just wonder why it's like that. It makes it very difficult for me to be bothered tbh.

Original post by LelouchViRuge

Well, clearly she's a very motivated person.

However, people's motivation can usually be messed around with.

Here is what you should do:

•

Stop texting her all together

•

When she starts to text you, trying to make conversation reply once or give one word replies or don't reply at all.

•

After a while she'll ask what's wrong why are you becoming distant

•

NOW THIS IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE THIS IS THE POINT WHERE ONE MESSAGE CAN DETERMINE WHETHER YOU'RE GOING TO GET LAID!

•

It's all about the mind games young one

Lol, shut up you.

Reply 13

TorpidPhil

Original post by xobeauty

Do you feel like you guys are compatible?

I have no idea. I don't know how anyone could tell when we don't know each other that much - we haven't even held hands so how would one know? I think we could be good friends that's for sure. But how can one tell if there would ever be anything more than friends? She does seem quite emotionally inert, but perhaps the problem is that I do too.

I think I could be dating Nicki Minaj and I'd still have doubts as to whether or it is worth it. It's my ****ed up mindset that probably is the result of either continuing depression or just coming out of depression.

Reply 14

NathanW18

Original post by TorpidPhil

But my motivation to continue it is very low, even though really, it couldn't have gone that much better. I just wonder why it's like that. It makes it very difficult for me to be bothered tbh.

That doesn't sound like a great sign. If you have low motivation now, why would that change further down the line? It sounds like you like small amounts of social interaction, but too much is a chore. If she's the type that wants to talk everyday, it's not going to work for you. Even if you're slightly lonely, I doubt this relationship would last long. You're going to get tired of her wanting attention.

Your conversation with her was also strange. I don't know why she brought up something big possibly changing things.

Reply 15

shreddingfish92

She sounds weird and you sound like a sociopath, OP. If you want to improve your social skills try joining a club or something.

Reply 16

TorpidPhil

Original post by NathanW18

Nobody can cope without any social interaction. We go crazy. ****, I've tried. It would be hella convenient. But I went crazy. Not good. Not doing that again.

I just worry that I'm not really ever going to find anyone perfectly suitable to me. As I said, even if some celebrity that I adore were dating me somehow my mind would make me lose motivation I bet. But if I don't put up with that somehow then I'll be alone forever and nothing seems worse tbh. I always thought because of how badly I want a friend that I'd really like someone clingy, this girl isn't clingy though. Even though she messages me, she doesn't have rants about her life to tell me. She never talks about her emotions. It's mostly just her degree and some gossip. I just feel like the conversations are often forced. When I try and talk to her about anything deeper she just seems either utterly confused or utterly bored. She studies an art subject, I study more scientific subjects. I guess it isn't meant to be... I think we're both just going along with it for the sake of it like naive little teenagers because we've yet to even bother with it and we're both really ****ing old being in our twenties.

She's so huggable though :frown:

I really tried on that second date. I even got her a birthday card as it was her birthday two days after. Yet in hindsight I didn't really enjoy it. If asked to do it again or sleep all day I'd choose the latter even if both were totally free... Working up until that point wherein which someone opens up to you so you can be comfortable in their presence and not have it feel like work is difficult. Just sitting down, cuddling on a sofa watching movies sounds like heaven. But I doubt it will ever get to that point. And the worst thing is that it isn't like I can't do small talk or comfort others or anything like that - I spend stupid amounts of time doing that with strangers on-line. Why do none of them live near me :L

Nor do I... Which was perhaps why I had a weird response lol.

Reply 17

Rorschach II

Oh God you are a pessimist (after reading the entire thread so far.)

Sorry that I can't add any much with substance though, as I have no dating experience. I would probably wait a bit longer before cutting things, and hopefully be a bit more optimistic about it instead of expecting the worst at every cue.