what do i do?

i'm in a long distance relationship with someone, she is a great person apart from whenever i am busy and unable to talk for a few days due to coursework in a way she makes me feel really guilty about it but i can't let anything with college slip or else i could get kicked off the course, and therefore wouldn't be able to pursue my dreams.
I'm going through depression and anxiety at the moment and she's going through a lot as well and that doesn't help it either.

Any advice?

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Reply 1

FrenchUnicorn

Original post by Anonymous

I had one a few years ago, and it was EXACTLY the same ! But that was my fault haha I'm kinda possesive and need attention, I think she's like that too. It was going bad between us until we quietly talked about it, and after that it was okay, both of us made some efforts ^^
You should definitely talk to her, she has to understand that you have some work to do and that's important. I think after a clear conversation she'll understand ( I did, and I' m ****ing stubborn so everything's possible :lol:

)
Try to be calm, not too direct, and make sure she wont be angry (if she turns angry just stop everything and talk about it later , or it wont work ^^)

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP here
probably just my anxiety getting to me, but it seems like nothing i do helps, she says that her life falls apart but when im there for her she seems to dissregard it

Reply 3

LiquidGold

If you literally dont talk to her at all for a few days, then i can see why she's annoyed, it doesnt matter how busy you are, there is time to send one text saying you're busy. And the thing is, in an LDR communication is critical. They often break down because you dont talk to each other enough, and if you were living near each other you'd probably see them everyday. My boyfriend and i have been in an LDR for about 8 months now and although we dont text much during the day due to work we text a lot in the evening and often Skype. I know i would find it hard if he regularly only had time to talk to me like twice a week. That's hardly a relationship to be honest...

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 4

FrenchUnicorn

Original post by Anonymous

OP here
probably just my anxiety getting to me, but it seems like nothing i do helps, she says that her life falls apart but when im there for her she seems to dissregard it

When she says her life falls appart, it's because of you ?
I think she just needs a lot of attention. You said you can't talk to her during a few days sometimes right ? Maybe you could just sent her some cute things that'll make her happy, she'll see you think about her anyway ? I'm not trying to say you should talk to her everyday , apparently you can't, but maybe one or two textmessages or something

Reply 5

username47781

Original post by Anonymous

Sometimes a text or two a day asking how are you makes a difference

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

you've all said a text or two a day would make the difference but when i say im busy she normally spams me and it is really frustrating. it seems like she guilt's me into talking to her and when i do talk to her it seems like i cant say whats wrong with me due to her making it seem like it's my fault for being it, i get frustrated when she does that

Reply 7

FrenchUnicorn

Original post by Anonymous

I see :/ so she does not understand that you're REALLY busy .. Maybe you could etablish some kind of "time" for her everyday ? I mean, say her that you can talk between 8 and 9pm (whatever, you understand what I want to say ^^) and out of this you just send a few messages to let her know you think about her
Did you ever tried do to such a thing ?

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by FrenchUnicorn

yes i have and it doesn't seem to work as both our lives are very hectic

Reply 9

FrenchUnicorn

Original post by Anonymous

yes i have and it doesn't seem to work as both our lives are very hectic

I see .. Then both of you should have a serious conversation, obviously you can't continue like that, promise her to do some efforts, to send her more messages etc, and she has to promise you that she will send you less messages
For now I think that's the best you can do

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by FrenchUnicorn

its more than just the messages, when i try to express my feelings to her she doesnt listen and ignores them, she says she wants to help but when i try to explain myself she just doesn't seem to care

Reply 11

Alexion

Original post by Anonymous

If she's being persistent and you have something to do, just pop a text like

"haha, got something to finish off, I'll talk to ya in a couple hours <3"

Keep it casual and don't sound offended whenever she wants to talk and you're busy...

Reply 12

FrenchUnicorn

Original post by Alexion

I agree, that worked for me (after a long time tho :lol:

)

Original post by Anonymous

its more than just the messages, when i try to express my feelings to her she doesnt listen and ignores them, she says she wants to help but when i try to explain myself she just doesn't seem to care

You seem ready to do some efforts, but apparently she does not :/ did you said her that you feel this way ?

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by FrenchUnicorn

I agree, that worked for me (after a long time tho :lol:

)

You seem ready to do some efforts, but apparently she does not :/ did you said her that you feel this way ?

yes i have and she just doesnt seem to care about it. i cant say anything without her turning it on me

Reply 14

FrenchUnicorn

Original post by Anonymous

yes i have and she just doesnt seem to care about it. i cant say anything without her turning it on me

Anw :/ then be pretty clear to her, say you're just tired of all of it, that you want to pursue the relationship but she has to make it easy. Maybe she'll finally change her behavior ?

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Original post by FrenchUnicorn

Anw :/ then be pretty clear to her, say you're just tired of all of it, that you want to pursue the relationship but she has to make it easy. Maybe she'll finally change her behavior ?