How do I "get over it"? Ended my r'ship due to my infidelity.

Seems like I have hit a wall in my life.

To be brief, I have been seeing another woman for sex, this other woman is also in a relationship. We are both relationship cheats.

After the third time we slept together, I realised I was developing feelings for her. We never hugged, we never cuddled or anything like that, it was just about the sex. The first time we had sex she kissed me quiet passionately but after that she grew more and more distant. I really hated that. I felt like she only wanted me as a short holiday from her boyfriend. I think she liked the attention, the money I spent on her, but she didn't want me emotionally. The sex was amazing, but I felt like that was the only time when she showed any sign of actually wanting me. It is like the time I went to kiss her during sex and she chose to look in the mirror instead. I thought she would feel the same way I did but she didn't. She doesn't want to see me anymore and whenever I looked away she has that hateful look in her eye. I know lads would say I should be pleased I was having sex with a beautiful woman, but it was a ****ed up situation. It is like she hated me but enjoyed the sex. She is settling down long term with her boyfriend with the whole house and kids thing.

I felt a lot of guilt for cheating and I ended my relationship. I told my girlfriend the truth, I told her how unhappy I was, how tired I was of pretending that things were normal and that it was not her fault, it was mine. That was very tough, I had been with her for 7 years since university.
I know I am a disgusting cheat to many, but I think me and my girlfriend just grew apart after a long time together. I told her that I understood that she hated me and never wanted to see me again. I told her I will always be there for her because I care about her still. It is just that romantically we were finished a long time ago.

I am going away for a bit on holiday, and I feel very lost. I just don't know how the **** to process this all.

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Reply 1

Anonymous #1

P.s. I feel self destructive as hell itself.

Reply 2

username1623349

I do think cheating is disgusting, but at least you acknowledged that. Next time, break up with your girlfriend before you hook up with others. As for the other woman you've been seeing, it's blatant she has no feelings towards you and is just using you for sex.

If I were you I'd tell her boyfriend - he wants to settle down and have a house and kids and he deserves better than a cheating scumbag like her.

Whatever you decide to do, it's probably best not to get into a relationship for a while, as you don't seem ready. Go out and have fun, but when you're ready to settle down, respect your partner and don't cheat. As you've shown us, cheating has made you feel like ****. Mess about with whoever you want while single, but make sure everyone knows where they stand.

EDIT: feel free to pm me if you want to talk, and I'll try my best to help :smile:

time heals all.

Original post by Anonymous

I know lads would say I should be pleased I was having sex with a beautiful woman, but it was a ****ed up situation. It is like she hated me but enjoyed the sex. She is settling down long term with her boyfriend with the whole house and kids thing.

You got used.

What did she get?

She got all the sex she wanted.
She will now settle down with her boyfriend.

What did you get?

You felt like crap.
You broke up with your girlfriend.

I think you should tell her boyfriend.

Reply 5

Alexion

Original post by whorace

I think you should tell her boyfriend.

Real **** move there, that pettiness is just ugly

Reply 6

whorace

Original post by Alexion

Real **** move there, that pettiness is just ugly

Yeah sure let her get away with using you and go back to her boyfriend who clearly deserves better.

You are weak

Reply 7

Alexion

Original post by whorace

Yeah sure let her get away with using you and go back to her boyfriend who clearly deserves better.

You are weak

It's not gonna change what happened. This sorta selfish revenge is what causes so many problems...

Reply 8

whorace

Original post by Alexion

It's not gonna change what happened. This sorta selfish revenge is what causes so many problems...

The boyfriend will be able to decide whether he wants to settle down with a cheating loser. It's not revenge, imo it's justice.

Reply 9

Withengar

It is very hard to feel sympathy for you.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by Withengar

It is very hard to feel sympathy for you.

I don't want any. I just want to feel less ****ed up.

Reply 11

Nadile

Original post by Alexion

It's not gonna change what happened. This sorta selfish revenge is what causes so many problems...

It's not selfish revenge. The guy deserves to know that the woman he is about to settle down with and have kids with is a cheating whore.

Edit: better he finds out now while they are dating, than years later when they have kids. Especially since I doubt she'd just stop cheating after getting away with it.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 12

Alexion

Original post by Nadile

It's not selfish revenge. The guy deserves to know that the woman he is about to settle down with and have kids with is a cheating whore.

Don't forget that the OP was originally in the exact same position as this woman...

Reply 13

username155270

Original post by Anonymous

I don't want any. I just want to feel less ****ed up.

Do you like the other woman

Reply 14

Withengar

Original post by Anonymous

I don't want any. I just want to feel less ****ed up.

I'm afraid it's not that easy. You cheated on your girlfriend on seven years with someone else who was about to start a family/life with someone. You potentially ruined two relationships and hurt quite a few people. I understand how it may feel, but people will move on, nobody will dwell on it. Learn what every responsible adult needs to do and pick yourself up. I hope you'll find love again. Once you do though - make sure to treat the person better.

Reply 15

username155270

Original post by Nadile

Why should he tell him now, he knew she was in a relationship before they slept together...now you want him to do a "good deed"?

Reply 16

Nadile

Original post by Alexion

Don't forget that the OP was originally in the exact same position as this woman...

He actually came clean on his own though. Doesn't make anything he did less wrong, but he at least recognised it was wrong and took the consequences.

She's intending on staying in the relationship as if nothing ever happened.

Reply 17

whorace

Original post by xobeauty

Why should he tell him now, he knew she was in a relationship before they slept together...now you want him to do a "good deed"?

On the contrary, i'd rather her boyfriend decide a suitable punishment for having screwed with me the wrong way.

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

Original post by georgiaswift

I began to get more and more disillusioned when she was talking about her new home with her partner, the decor and how nice their house is.

I just cannot believe it really, that all the nice chats we had just meant nothing.
She did seem to initiate sex more than I did, but I wanted the intimacy and she a wall around her. When we were in bed she made an effort to not touch me, and I hated that. When I used my fingers on her private parts, she didn't really respond physically. So I feel like I was just a penis to her and a different man (I don't even know if I look better than her boyfriend as I don't know him). She didn't like it when I was more gentle with her, when I wanted to take things more slowly. It was all pretty ****ed up. I thought she would have the same feelings for me, she didn't.

We parted ways, she told me good luck for the future with a hateful look in her eye as she closed the door. I just cannot get it out of my head. I just never understood why she looked at me like I'm a prick. Maybe it was because I seem spoilt because of my background? I am confident? I just didn't know.

At home with my girlfriend, I was just constantly distant and really tired of pretending. It was not fair on her, none of it was.