The Student Room Group

Hopeless

Annon or Delete, please.
I've been struggling with Depression for years & years, hell I don't remember ever being "Happy". I feel like I've been waiting my entire life - since I was a kid - for someone, something to come take me away, give me a new life, end my suffering. For years and years I've felt like this.

I have no hope for the future. I don't have a job, skills, experience, education or anything like that. Even when I did try in Education; something would always happen and I'd be unable to cope with anything.

The reason I've made it this long is my Friends being there for support and my Family being there occasionally.

My Mother was abusive and now she's all alone and bitter, but constantly guilt trips me and I'm honestly worried she'd take her own life if I stopped coming to see her every so often. She's completely alone as my Brother and Father want nothing to do with her.

My Brother has his own Family and is busy with them, so I don't wanna disturb him an his life. His wife doesn't get on with me and I'm no longer allowed to see my Niece or Nephew, due to her & my Mother arguing, and me standing up for my Mother. Bad move, in hindsight.

My Father has always been there for me, but he's a really smart guy; went to Uni; got a great job; came from a Hard Working Background. I'm the opposite of him - I've never had any motivation or ability to pick up the simplest skills.
It takes me a lot longer than others to understand things, if I can grasp them at all. I know my Dad loves me, but every time I look at him I can see the disappointment and resentment in his eyes - even though he'd never say it. It makes me feel so guilty even looking at him.

I had my Friends for support though, throughout the years, through thick and thin. But after a Party at New Year's Eve, they decided they couldn't be around me anymore because I was too sad. In fairness both my best friends have relatives who aren't well and I know they under a lot of stress, and obviously I add to it.

I feel hopeless. I have nothing, and now no one.

Been to Counselling; on Anti-Depressants, but at the end of the day, me being completely worthless isn't "In my head" - I'm totally worthless in literally every single sense of the word there can be.

My biggest problem I guess is that my Mum would probably harm herself if anything happened to me - she's had an awful life as well, albeit one of her own creation.

My Dad would be devastated, and he's done so much for me, it just really would't be fair to me to upset him so much.

I dunno how I am going to deal. Other than seeing my parents every so often, I haven't spoken to someone in a friendly manner since New Year's.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
x


Late reply I know but think it's only just been moved back over here!

This sounds like a horrible situation to be in, it's surprisingly not that uncommon though. Firstly, you're honestly not worthless- depression can do a very good job of making you feel like you are but you're not, no-one is. It could be worth going back to your GP and seeing if there's anything else they can do, there's plenty of different antidepressants etc and different ones work for different people. If there isn't, at least they'll know how much you're still struggling.

In terms of sorting things out, it's hard but try and take things one at a time. Write down what you want to achieve (friends, career etc) and split them into smaller, easier steps then decide which you want to work on first. For example instead of a job you could start with volunteering, with maybe half a day a week at the beginning and can build up if and when you feel ready. You can meet people through this too, and gain experience. Or for friends you could try a new hobby or club and then people there have something in common with you. There's loads of people on here you can talk to too! It's up to you if you want to get back in contact with your old friends or not- you could always try talking about something random, animals or something if more personal stuff is too difficult.

I've rambled on a bit there but hopefully at least some of it makes some sense. Really hope things improve a bit soon for you either way.


Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
Annon or Delete, please.
I've been struggling with Depression for years & years, hell I don't remember ever being "Happy". I feel like I've been waiting my entire life - since I was a kid - for someone, something to come take me away, give me a new life, end my suffering. For years and years I've felt like this.

I have no hope for the future. I don't have a job, skills, experience, education or anything like that. Even when I did try in Education; something would always happen and I'd be unable to cope with anything.

The reason I've made it this long is my Friends being there for support and my Family being there occasionally.

My Mother was abusive and now she's all alone and bitter, but constantly guilt trips me and I'm honestly worried she'd take her own life if I stopped coming to see her every so often. She's completely alone as my Brother and Father want nothing to do with her.

My Brother has his own Family and is busy with them, so I don't wanna disturb him an his life. His wife doesn't get on with me and I'm no longer allowed to see my Niece or Nephew, due to her & my Mother arguing, and me standing up for my Mother. Bad move, in hindsight.

My Father has always been there for me, but he's a really smart guy; went to Uni; got a great job; came from a Hard Working Background. I'm the opposite of him - I've never had any motivation or ability to pick up the simplest skills.
It takes me a lot longer than others to understand things, if I can grasp them at all. I know my Dad loves me, but every time I look at him I can see the disappointment and resentment in his eyes - even though he'd never say it. It makes me feel so guilty even looking at him.

I had my Friends for support though, throughout the years, through thick and thin. But after a Party at New Year's Eve, they decided they couldn't be around me anymore because I was too sad. In fairness both my best friends have relatives who aren't well and I know they under a lot of stress, and obviously I add to it.

I feel hopeless. I have nothing, and now no one.

Been to Counselling; on Anti-Depressants, but at the end of the day, me being completely worthless isn't "In my head" - I'm totally worthless in literally every single sense of the word there can be.

My biggest problem I guess is that my Mum would probably harm herself if anything happened to me - she's had an awful life as well, albeit one of her own creation.

My Dad would be devastated, and he's done so much for me, it just really would't be fair to me to upset him so much.

I dunno how I am going to deal. Other than seeing my parents every so often, I haven't spoken to someone in a friendly manner since New Year's.


I'm so sorry that you've been through all of this... My prayers go out to you.
Please take on what @furryface12 has said. It's really good advice which may end up helping you. Also, if you want to talk to someone who's gone through experiences similar to yours, drop me a PM. I'm always here to listen and to help people like you through this. :h:

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